I Love You, Fatman. Now Shuddup!

ADDENDA:
There was a fat man with a large round bald head with little round eyes and a little round mouth sitting behind me at dinner last night. I did not notice him until he was in the midst of a very long, very loud monologue with the poor woman who poured him water, who made the the mistake of asking him how his meal was.

He ranted about how offended he was by the poor service he received the last time he was there. He claimed to be a regular at Craftbar next door, and when the manager called him to inform him there was an opening at the proper restaurant, he expected to be treated as a regular. The head waiter sat him, and the first thing he noticed is that the menu had 30-day cote-de-beouf, not the usual 45 day. When he mentioned this to the head waiter, the head waiter simply responded, "We have 30 day cote-de-beouf." He was appalled by this rudeness, and went on to complain that even though he was paying for a table of ten and spent 1$1,4000, the white truffle pasta was brown truffled and barely had any. When the plates were taken, he asked to have the bones wrapped for his dog, because that is what he always does. He never got them, and when he got home he called the restau....and on and on and on. Wow.

Truly in love with his own voice. He makes it sound like the event of going to such a wonderful restaurant is such a labor, why the hell does he do it? A few minutes later the poor shmo pouring water asks him how his dinner was, to which he replied, "Wonderful!" then goes into another rant, telling this guy his opinion about how the salad dressing had a little too much of this spice, this dish could of been better this way, etc etc.

He was with a fat woman, who also had small round eyes and a small round mouth - judging by the nelliness if his voice, this had to be his sister, he he.

When the woman who poured him water came to our table to clear our dishes, she asked us how our meal was. I said, "Absolutely fantastic, as near to a perfect meal as I could of hoped for,", then I slammed my hand on the table really loudly and proclaimed, "and I don't think I could complain about a thing!" Betsy, looking a little embarrassed by my display, said, "We ate too much, but it was too wonderful to stop!". Then the fat man turns around, leans over and says to Betsy, "Didn't we all, dear!"

I kind of both despise and love that fat man. A true NY character/absolute asshole.

BREAKFAST #1: 5:45am, small bowl of generic rice-crispies with whole milk, hunger 3/5
Got to bed 10ish. Tomorrow I hope to be on bike by 5:30, so gettin' ready. Should be able to hit the farmer's marker in Union Square at 8, then be home to make the good pancakes for my house guest Mariko when I get back.

I bought a box of hippie rice crispies at Whole Foods the other day - the only two ingredients are rice and malt - no salt! It's amazing how hard it is to find salt-free breakfast cereal.

AM SNACK: 9am, super hippie bread with natural peanut butter, hunger 4/5
Me & B walked to the Union Square farmer's market and got there at 8am. We loaded up the granny cart veg and more lamb sausages and fresh bacon and pork chops and flowers and baby red potatos and all that good stuff. Got a loaf of whole-wheat 8-grain bread with all sorts of cracked grains in it, cost $9 bucks, at first I thought the guy was joking but wasn't. But I said what the hell, you only live once, let's see if you get what you pay for. It was actually really really good tasting, reminds me of a lot of the good bread I eat in the UK.

Spent an hour chopping up a huge salad for the week, prepping celery for B's peanut butter fantasies. Betsy made some chocolatey oatmeal squares using the recipe on the back of an oatmeal jug, involving sugar, coco, evaporated milk (I had a can in the cupboard from Thanksgiving) butter and peanut butter. A few minutes of boiling in a pan, then straight into a dish for cooling. Kinda weird, too sweet. I'm going to remake it at a later point with rice crispies instead of oatmeal, half the sugar and maybe crushed peanuts.

BREAKFAST #2: 10:30am, 2 pancakes, 3 pieces of bacon, half portion of the good yogurt with a small squirt of honey, hunger 4/5
The bacon from the market is great tasting and fresh, a wonderful smokey flavor, but is full salt and has nitrates. I noticed another vendor also had fresh organic bacon but was nitrate-free. Next time, gonna hit that one up. I've been eating all morning but still a little hungry....

PM SNACK: 12:30pm, 1 small choco-oatmeal square, hunger 4/5
Too sweet, the oatmeal is not full-bodied enough.

PM SNACK: 2:30pm, 1 wholewheat saltless pretzel, hunger 4/5

PM SNACK: 3:30pm, 2 ears boiled corn w/o salt or butter, hunger 4/5
Fell asleep, hungry but think gonna save the lamb sausage for pasta I'm gonna make myself tonight. Really sweet, something really satisfying about it's sweetness, much more satisfying than the the oatmeal sugarbomb.

PM SNACK: 4:45pm, slice of hippie bread with thin layer of good chocolate hazelnut spread, hunger 4/5
The bread has a tang, a little bit like yogurt. Weird eating like this, little snacks all afternoon...

PM SNACK: 6:45pm, small green salad with italian dressing, hunger 4/5

DINNER: 8pm, 4 or 5 assorted fried Vietnamese appetisers, vietnamese crepe with pork and shrimp & salad, several glasses of water
Road the tandem over to Williamsburg with my houseguest Mariko, we joined others for dinenr at a Vietnamese restaurant owned and run by a friend of Mariko's. It's nice being introduced to the main person of a restaurant you're about it eat at, everything seems a bit more personable and personal. I've gone to Franny's in Brooklyn several times with B - despite it having some of the best pizza in NYC, it's even more fun because B knows the Franny of the namesake from her publishing days and we always say hi. Not exactly the same as home cooking or a meal at a friend's house, but the next best thing.

EVENING SNACK: 10pm, 3.5 home baked chocolate chip cookies from frozen dough, hunger 3/5
Seriously craving sugar. Gotta be up and out of the house on bike tomorrow by 5:30am, bicycle adventure with Tamar awaits!

It's too early to think of a snappy post title

BREAKFAST: 6am, toasted onion bagel with good butter, glass of lime seltzer, dirt pill, hunger 2/5
Tempted not to eat, but thinking about discipline and the extra desert and stuff. And I gotta get to work early to do a slightly intimidating freelance job that's too well-paid to pass on....

BP 7:30am 134/84
Damn, that's high. Too much salt yesterday? Gonna make an app't today with the medical doc to make sure these numbers are for real.

AM SNACK: 7:30am, 24 oz still water

LUNCH: 1:45pm, lamb over rice, hunger 4.5/5
Intense work day. Almost over the top. Falling asleep from hunger during the meeting before I was able to get away for lunch. Ate lunch at a public outdoor space in midtown, away from the office. Felt good to eat.

It's now after 6pm, going to fancy dinner at Craft with B to celebrate the chunk of change I earned today (as I luckily just finished it! Talk about singing for supper!), but am at 4.5 again and there is no healthy options near by....

PM SNACK: 6pm, large bag of plain potato chips, 24 oz still water, hunger 4.5/5
The deli next door was just so....limited. So much stuff, so few real choices. I was looking at the sunchips, and noticed it had EXACTLY the same amount of salt as plain Lay's potato chips. I feel a bit beaten up/in deserving of reward, so I snarfed the potato chips to keep me going till fancy dinner...

I called the doc this morning, but his office didn't open yet. I just called again, closed for the day. -sigh- Will follow up on Monday. I'm so burnt. I gotta keep healthy shelf-stable snacks around here to ward off another case of the the potato chip heebie jeebies.

This is how burnt I feel (hanging on for dear life with adult sippy cup):



DINNER: 8pm, 2 pieces of good bread & butter, a spoonful of squid ceveche, small boston lettuce and feta salad, 3 pieces of raw tuna belly with jalapenos, small rack of smoky berkshire pork, roasted onions, risotto, gnocchi, chocolate tarts and fresh donuts, lots of water, hunger 4/5
It's 10pm, I'm beat, but I just have to write down this meal, it was so friggin' good. After having those eh potato chips satiate me, my hunger came rip-roaring back with the bread and did let up till the end of desert. It's nice when a huge appetite meets a meal made by people who dedicate their days to making the best food possible with the best ingredients - we went to Craft on 19th street, where the ingredients are mostly locally sourced. It was nice connecting with B over a meal.

I kinda of wish every meal could be similar to this one, and once I get some more cooking skills, it'll be a bit closer to that. If every meal was like this, though, I'd be extremely fat and extremely poor...

Yogurt Now, Yoga Later

ADDENDA:
The gift certificates we received for beginner's yoga classes begin only at the start of the month, so that's being put off til October. Gotta make a doc's appointment to see if my BP #s are fo' real, and start revising my attitude that a day without a desert is not a day worth living....perhaps yogurt to the rescue?

Ilsa forwarded me a link to a cooking school today. Kinda exciting, try to get on top of that next week....

BREAKFAST: 7am, small bowl of Fage whole-fat yogurt with a teaspoon of local honey, 2 pieces of organic whole wheat bread toasted with good butter, dirt pill, hunger 4/5
Woke up after a good 6.5 hours of sleep, guess the burgerpalooza didn't have any lasting effects.

Betsy is a huge fan of the Fage, eats it every day. I tried it early on in our dating life and thought it was nasty - tangy and bitter, the consistency and appearance not so far from Elmer's Glue. Over the break from blogging, I was thinking about how to reduce deserts - what is it that I like about sweets? One thing is the consistency and creaminess of soft serve ice cream - the sweetness is nice, but the thing I like most is the cold creaminess. Frozen yogurt is not an option - it has so much sugar and crap in it that it is just about as pointless as soy milk. If I were to find a non-desert that has these qualities, moving away from deserts will be one step easier....

Betsy is under the influence of the misconception promoted by gurus like Susan Powter in the 80s that "FAT MAKES YOU FAT". Cut out the fat in your diet, and somehow magically you will be thin. Of course, FOOD TASTES LIKE CRAP WITHOUT FAT and a lot of people replaced it with sugar, which made them fatter. Fat doesn't make you fat, silly, CALORIES MAKE YOU FAT. And calories come from fat, carbs and protein. I so boldly criticize my new (and rather slim and sexy) wife in this forum because the Fage she eats is 0% fat, strained of it rich, yummy goodness. I tried a small cup of full-fat (a.k.a. full-flavor) Fage with a squirt of honey a week ago and was shocked to find myself enjoying it. REALLY enjoying it. The squirt of honey (an idea from B, by the way) didn't really make the yogurt sweet, but it rounded out the sharp bitter tang that real yogurt tends to have - not mask it, but smooth it out, like turning down the volume of the stereo when it's just a tad too loud.

I wanna add peanuts to it, like I used to do with my (sickly sweet) Danon when I was a kid.

AM SNACK: 9am, 24 oz still water

LUNCH #1: 1pm, large green salad with Italian dressing, hunger 4/5
Brought this in from home, if I didn't eat it today it would go bad. Completely gotten from the Saturday greenmarket, really good. As I was getting a fork, Tamar asked me to join her and some peeps to eat, adding that Ilsa doesn't approve of eating at the desk. Ilsa's spies are everywhere!!

LUNCH #2: 4:30pm, natural peanut butter on whole wheat, saltless wholewheat pretzel, 3 ears unadorned corn, small amount of milk chocolate gelato. hunger 4/5
Got home ravenous, the peanut butter sandwich was good, the corn better. I didn't have butter and salt in Cape Cod, and boiled corn was amazing. So I tried it again, and again it was almost better - butter and salt kinda interferes with the straight corniness, masks it a little instead of enhancing it. I imagine if it was not so sweet or fresh, it would need the masking.

I wasn't planning on eating dessert, but Betsy was complaining of an upset stomach because she ate some gelato. So when I went into the freezer, she had eaten 7/8 of the tub in one sitting! I guess that's what you get for eating artificially fat-free stuff - when you're confronted by the real thing, ya go nuts because your body needs the fat! There was so little gelato left, it was literally 1/3 of a desert portion for me.

DINNER: 7:30pm, 3 different sausages, kraut, cold potato salad, 1 beer, 1 cupcake, hunger 3/5
Met up with friends at Zumschneider on Ave C, a nice German beer hall for Roshashanah. The sausage platter was probably not much less healthy than everything else on the menu. This was probably the saltiest meal I've eaten in a while.

Technically the cupcake was a 2nd desert, but quantity-wise, it adds up to one dessert. False justification, I know, but it was peer pressure! The cupcake jumped straight into my mouth.

Close to 10pm, I have a very slight headache....

Burgerfest 2007

ADDENDA:
Super busy at work.

BREAKFAST: 8:30am, decadent oatmeal, small amount of water, dirt pill, hunger 4/5
In Ilsa's meeting last night, I hinted at maybe a shift in focus to the most boring thing to read about in a blog, losing a little bit of weight. I know from past reading that keeping a consistent stream of food in you is key - ideally, a lot of small meals scattered through the day instead of 3 (or, like yesterday, 2) monster meals. So breakfast is key. If anything has evolved more than anything for me during this blog, so far it's been breakfast. Decadent oatmeal, pancakes from scratch, plain yogurt revealed to be delicious, bagels with magical butter of the grass...what could be next?!

AM SNACK: 24 oz still water

LUNCH: 2:30pm, half pound organic burger on whole wheat bun with all the fixin's, slaw, small amount of non-dairy mashed potatos, hunger 4/5
Went to "Better Burger" with Tamar, a chain place whose hook is organic non-hormonal meat, healthy everything. I thought about fries, then went with the slaw, but then I noticed the fries there are actually baked, but ruled against it anyway - baked fries is kinda as pointless as soy milk to my taste buds. As I'm eating the burger, I realized I had made a play date with a good friend to eat at Shake Shack near where Ilsa (and B) works this evening - burgers-a-poppin'! I'm not a big burger fan, so I guess one day of multiple burgers won't kill me....

DINNER: 8pm, 2 hamburgers with ketchup, one bratwurst with onion and pickle, a handful of frenchfries, a cup of chocolate custard, hunger 4/5
Shake Shack is NOT all that. I waited in line with my friend Yana a good 30 minutes, it's a good thing we had a lot to talk about because we hadn't seen each other much for a good month before the wedding, because if I was really impatient I would of been pissed. The burgers were a tad dry, a little salty, on generic white burger buns. The dog was generic.

I was sorely tempted to get fries, because this is the kind of meals you get fries with, and unlike Better Burger, no other sides were offered. As we got to the front of the line, I saw someone in the kitchen with a big box of "FROZEN POTATO FRIES" on their shoulder - so much for gourmet. Yana got fries, and didn't finish them. So I had one, it wasn't that good. Then the remainder on the plate jumped up and popped in my mouth, I had nothing to do with it, I swear! It was a moment of weakness, but they just didn't taste very good, my resolve is strengthened.

The chocolate custard, however, was the bomb diggitty. I will definitely be back for that, but as for the burgers and food, total hype. My lunch burger wasn't all that, but it was superior to that hockey puck.

A Pause, A Thought, A Rejigger

Ate a few sinful things the past few weeks, a brick of chinese food here, a little bit too much pizza there. But over all I've felt well, considering the pressure of all the pre-present-post stresses of having a big wedding. Ready to be a bit more hardcore with the eating stylee, start some yoga, take a cooking class, get B preggers, etc etc.... and I find many of the things I've cut back or given up, I don't really miss...

I just reread this blog from the beginning, all the while thinking about all the things that struck me as odd the past week or so. Pancakes - early on I was missing the pancakes and bacon of the diner on my block. I went there many times with my parents, and on my own on weekends as a lazy treat. I struggled with some yucky organic-pancake mix, then hit the jackpot with making my own pancakes from scratch - the best pancakes.

Well, I went down to the diner a few days ago as a treat. They know me by order - 2 pancakes, bacon and a diet coke. I was sorely tempted to order the coke, not because I desired it but for the taste memory of all the other diet cokes that came before it, but I resisted, got a seltzer instead. The pancakes themselves were.....horrible! Yellow, gummy, tasting more of old oil than flour or butter. I enjoyed these?

Ate a lot of lobster-things in Cape Cod during our honeymoon. We had a kitchenette in our salty sea-side shack, the first night we picked up groceries to allow us to not have to eat out every meal. I won't bore you with the details here, but one thing that I wouldn't of done before was I bought a big bottle of grape juice - as a sinful treat! Not chocolate or candy or something obviously indulgent, but a high-sugar processed drink others would regard as 'healthy'. And it was MAD sweet, too, a nice sugar jolt to wake up to. I didn't totally stick to 'one sweet a day', but my sweets were less indulgent than if I weren't thinking about it.

Almost done with the Kingsolver book, really good. I went to the Union Square farmer's market around 9am this past Saturday - DAMN!! It was 2x bigger than it is during the week, with lots more variety. There was a lamb vendor, who had a bunch of coolers with all sorts of different cuts, and surrounding the booth was skeins of wool - how cool is that? Real people with real connections to the whole animal selling all the bits, not just the normal stuff. I decided to start simple, purchased some lamb curry sausage (yeah, I know, too much salt.) Fried it up on a new cast iron grill (thanks Tania!) with market onions - between the light spice of the curry balanced with the sweetness of the pomegranite and currants in the sausage, even Betsy wolfed down her half - she usually shys away from sausage. But in this sausage you could taste the lamby freshness.... I came to the market by bike, and bought as much as I could carry. Next time I will take my granny cart on the bike and stock up on more lamb, the pork vendor, fresh bread, and another huge salad...

The other night made pasta sauce in my dad's style, with vegetables mostly bought in the farmers market. Had Tamar over for dinner, she sheeplishly asked for salt, as she knows I'm trying to cut down. Made pasta from scratch, eggless for the first time, came out surprisingly good.

On the way to and from Cape Cod, we stopped in New Haven to try the pie at Frank Pepe's - in every book about pizza, the main talk is about NYC, but there is always mention of how New Haven is the only real competitor to NYC as the capital of East Coast Pizza. At Pepe's, the original owner is said to have had allergies to both cheese and tomato - so he invented the clam pie. I had the clam pie the first time, and had to have it again on the way back because it was so good - and I don't even like clams! Despite no cheese and tomatos, I had to admit this is reall pizza - the French idea of 'terroir' - you can really taste the place in this pie made of the best ingredients of the area.

Tomorrow, back to the blow by blow.... too busy with work and personal drama (non-Betsy) to even think straight....yep, I wrote this on the last day of my vacation....

I Got Married, Y'all!

ALL MEALS: All Day, almost nothing, hunger 0/5
Does this mean I can now eat for 2?

I'm Gettin' Married, Y'all!

ADDENDA:
As Britney Spears might of said once (or twice), "I'm gettin' married, y'all! Where's the cheetos?"

Tomorrow morning I'm going to mix up another batch of pancake mix, and have me a pancake n' bacon feast. Haven't been to the greasy spoon around the corner since I started making an effort to cook for a myself a bit, I really don't miss it.

Ilsa told me to just eat whatever I want, except to watch the salt. I wonder what it that I'll want. It certainly isn't a lot of the stuff I was only too content a month or two ago...

BREAKFAST: 7:45am, toasted garlic bagel with good butter, swig of seltzer, dirtpill, hunger 2/5
Third night of excellent deep sleep. Was up till 11 going over wedding stuff with the B and the best man. Things should be fine.

AM SNACK: 9:15am, 24 oz still water

BP 10am: 127/88

AM SNACK: 10:30am, 1/3 of a bagel, half cup of OJ
Food served with meeting, nibbled to be polite. Reminds me why I despise OJ - tastes like fruity acid, with a bitter aftertaste. Why do people like this stuff?

LUNCH: 1:30pm, pastrami on rye, 1 pickle, water, hunger 4/5
Work going good. Catching up with the freelance PM being brought in to cover me while I get married. We went downstairs to Juniors, he paid in honor of my wedding. He had a bacon cheeseburger and fries - made my pastrami salt bomb look healthy. Find I have a slight headache less than an hour later, hmmmm.

PM SNACK: 5:30pm, small piece of pound cake, a little seltzer, hunger 3/5
Left work early to see my mother-in-law come in to Penn Station, then home. From here on in, going to try to relax and get stuff done in my own time till Sunday. The pound cake in the freezer needed to be tasted - it tasted better than when it was fresh. Heating it in the microwave makes it a little less dense.

DINNER PT 1: 6pm, half pound of freshly cooked shrimp in butter and garlic, hunger 3/5
Watching some cooking show, they're sauteing shrimp - remembered I have a bag of frozen raw shrimp. Dole out half of it, peel off shells - my first time peeling shrimp! All the little legs....makes me feel closer to it. Fresh garlic, the good butter, watching it magically turn golden orange in the pan....

DINNER PT 2: 7pm, four perogies, 1 potato pancakes, 1 cheese blintz, hunger 3/5
Looking around the kitchen, I realized with all the wedding stuff we failed to go food shopping. So I ordered from the East Side Cafe some polish home cookin'. The perogies were fried, but otherwise very much food my dad would of been comforted by.

No dessert! Only the piece of random poundcake! Yay! Unfortunately, I had another piece of poundcake around 4am when I was up for 5 hours, but that's already tomorrow...see ya on the 11th!!

BOOM!

ADDENDA:
Met with Ilsa last night, first time in what feels like a long time. She felt my sickness was a 'healing crisis' of some sort - my body adjusting to the changes in diet. I think that might be a part of it, but the wedding planning hasn't helped.

A few people have mentioned to me in the last few weeks that I look like I've lost weight. I didn't believe them, as I feel like despite cutting back on sugar, I'm eating more calories to feel more satiated to avoid snacks. I don't like obsessing over weight numbers - I actually do the opposite, only getting weighed at doctor's appointments. Well, Ilsa asked me to weigh myself, as my medical record says I last weighed 229. I stepped on B's scale this morning....230! Ha! The miracle Pork diet: eat all the pork and butter you want, look skinnier and remain the same weight! I think among other goals, figuring out an ideal do-able weight and eating/cycling my way torwards it will be a focus after the wedding.

What I write here is open to the public, and despite it not being advertised, I guess I do edit myself to keep it within those restrictions of palatability. At my meeting with Ilsa, she was digging a little deeper at me, and I was unsure how to respond, how far to open up, about what. She is looking at nutrition holistically, and I need to take advantage of that.....but I'm not gonna splay my guts for all YOU to see, he he.

I leave work tomorrow, so tomorrow will be my last post till Sept 11th, when I go back to work. When I get back, I'm going to reread this entire blog and try to reflect a little bit about where I was and where I'm going. I think the nature of this blog will become more personal, and at the same time certain entries will have to be restricted to just me and Ilsa. I mean, do you really want to read about how Betsy's passion for monkey-abuse really scares me and turns me on at the same time?! (I KEED! I KEED!)

Or not. I'm mulling it over.

BREAKFAST: 8:30am, crumpet with butter, small amount of seltzer, hippietablet, hunger 3/5
Excellent, thick, ropey sleep. Felt refreshed....

AM SNACK: 10AM, 24 oz still water.
....which is a good thing, because I had a tsunami of meetings, projects and managing of personalities from the second I stepped in the door.

LUNCH: 3:30pm, falafel sandwich on whole wheat pita with no pickle, chocolate icecream cone, hunger 5/5
When I got out of a meeting at 3pm, I realized I was hungry. Went back to my desk to do some last minute followups, but realized I was on the verge of collapse. Must....eat. Never occured to me to ask for whole wheat with the falafel. As I was walking back, I felt like I needed something to shut my stomach up. The icecream cone will hopefully be my one desert for the day. I like that I ate it strategically, rather than from a craving.

DINNER: 7:30pm, 3 slices of good pizza, light on the bufalla moz, one of them with thin slices of salami, water, 1 beer, a large handful of See's Chocolates, hunger 3/5
More friends from afar are in town, 10 of us got together at Isabella's Oven, was a good time. One friend from Cali brought a nice box of See's Chocolates - I wanted to just not touch it but Betsy insisted on opening them and sharing them. Once the smell wafted in my nose, I said, damn, well, I'm about to stop blogging for a while and chill. I NEED THOSE CHOCOLATES! AAAAIGH! I did eat light all day anway and dinner was relatively restrained, and it's not often these friends are around and these chocolates aren't available here and I don't really need any more justifications for being a choco-pig....

The High Cost of Cheap Food

ADDENDA: First deep, undisturbed sleep last night since getting sick. Feel 10 out of 10, a spring in my step. Finally! Time is slipping by...

Just read a bit in the Kingsolver book about the high cost of cheap food. I haven't been budgeting my foray into organics, actually trying purposefully NOT to look at prices, just buy it if it's better for me. But I definitely know Whole Foods, a.k.a. Whole Paycheck, has not been kind to my wallet. But alas, I feel better, either due to the organics, due to Ilsa's input, this blog propping up my diligence, or all of the above. If the price of cheap food is feeling crappy, high blood pressure and diabetes, I think paying a premium is well justified.

BREAKFAST: 8:30am, toasted onion bagel with good butter, pint of water, dirtpill, hunger 3/5
Why do the whole wheat bagels only come in plain? If there was a garlic wholewheat and a sesame wholewheat, there would be rare occasion to eat otherwise in the bagel realm.

AM SNACK: 10am, 24 oz still water

LUNCH: 12:30pm, shrimp curry, jasmine rice, nan, dal, water, hunger 4/5
Got hungry. Almost went for Ramen but didn't want all the salt. After eating....NO SUGAR CRAVING!!! Huh. Didn't think it would retreat in only a week or two.

BP 4:15pm: 116/76

LUNCH #2: 5pm, felafel pita, hunger 3/5
Left building not sure what I wanted....ice cream! But what do I want that's specific to ice cream? Creaminess, not sweetness. Betsy loves that Fage stuff, but it tastes SO nasty. Maybe I should try the unrefined full-fat version (she only eats 0% fat Fage, ick), as something that'll sub for this ice cream desire...

DINNER: 7:30pm, tofu pad thair, 2 beef satay, 3 spring rolls, small bowl of gelato and small piece of poundcake.
Take out, convenient because of guests. Beef wasn't as tasty as I thought it would be. Usually, I'd finish this, but now if it don't taste right, I'm less inclined to go for it. I ain't a garbage bucket.

Suppressed Memories: I Grew Up With a Tomato Patch

BREAKFAST: 7:30am, 2 pancakes and 4 pieces low sodium bacon, dirtpill, glass of seltzer, hunger 3/5
Made my favorite breakfast for B, Tania and Eli - even though we wrote "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" in frosting on it and had a piece of bacon for a mouth, he wasn't interested, as he was lunching on junk food all morning.

AM SNACK: 9am, 24 oz still water
Back at work. Gotta get my game on, yo.

BP 9:15am: 126/78

LUNCH: 12:30, half pastrami sandwich on rye, small cup of matzoh ball soup (didn't drink soup), small dish of vinegar slaw & 2 pickles, glass of water, hunger 3/5
If my normal well being is 10, and my sickest day was 1, today I feel 8.5. Work is going well - it's pressurized due to my absence, but I work with cool people and I feel like I understand where the pressures are coming from and why. Feel a bit low energy in the body, but my mind was so stultified by not leaving the house Tues-Sun, feel focused. But I needed this comfort food, desired red meat, a real craving! (My first non-sugar craving in memory!) Also, to be able to sit alone and read....

I'm into Kingsolver's book where she's describing the annual cycle of when vegetables are in season, and she spends a lot of time talking about tomatoes - big red hard industrial ones and boring Big Red Tomato seeds, vs. heirloom tomatoes. Then a large shard of memory just popped over my head, dousing my whole train of thought in tomatoes.

I grew up on Staten Island, with 2 parents and an older brother. We lived in a big 3 story house on a quiet street on a hill, with a terraced front yard and a nicely sized rectangular backyard, one side of which was fenced to avoid people falling off the wall to the driveway, the otherside a dirt-hump up to the neighbor's yard. When I was really young, probably 4 or 5, my parents grew vegetables on about a third of the space. All I remember is the tomatoes - how they made a big deal of the big red tomatoes they grew, always chopping them into salads. At some points they'd have too many, and give them away to friends. I think there were a few other vegetables they grew, but I don't remember what they were.

After a couple of years, they stopped, I don't remember why. I distinctly remember at the very end, my brother and I moved away and they sold the house to move into smaller digs - the grass on the 1/3 of the backyard that they grew vegetables was thicker, greener and longer than the grass anywhere else in the yard after all those years.

I really was a typical disgruntled kid growing up bored in the suburbs. Little did I know that little vegetable patch connected us to the entire history of the agricultural world in such a direct, tasty way. I wish I could talk to my parents about this, find out what they were thinking. They were so not just a boring, typical middleclass Jewish couple like I snottily assumed then, they were doing something quite cool and thoughtful, especially for the mid-70s. I was such a little dumbass, I miss them so much.

BP 3:30pm: 129/81
I noticed today is pressurized, and I'm feelin' the heat. Indeed, my bp is a little bit up. I wonder if there is a psychological method to lower my BP at times like this. Ilsa's breathing thing, perhaps?

PM SNACK: 4:30pm, bag of Robert's Smart Puffs, hunger 3/5
Tired. Good productive day, train only wobbled, never left the tracks. Gonna go home early.

DINNER: 8pm, small pork loin, quarter of kinish, mushrooms, one corn on the cob with butter and salt, one scoop of gelato, 1 small piece of homemade poundcake, hunger 4/5
Home made meal with the B and the guests. Nice. Kid is on a crazy eating schedule so had to wait till 10pm to serve up his birthday cake. Really yummy and dense, a little too sweet.

EVENING SNACK: 11pm, small piece of pound cake, hunger 2/5
Here is a new one: I wasn't craving sugar! I popped this in my mouth with a goal - I wanted to taste my cake with a clear palate, free of pork or icecream or whatever, to appreciate it's flavor. I (with the help of a hyperactive 4 year old) made this from scratch, and I was curious to focus on it's taste, not scarf it for it's sugar. I followed a recipe strictly, and I think on the next go around I'll reduce the sugar and up the lemon flavor...

One Week Till All-U-Can-Eat Pie

ADDENDA:
Got to be around 10:30, woke up around 2 and could not sleep. Horrible television. Haven't left the house since Tuesday night. I gotta get outta here.

The wedding is one week from today. Why am I feeling a little anxious? That's not the normal me.

AM SNACK: 2am, 2 graham crackers with chocolate hazelnut spread, hunger 3/5

AM SNACK: 5am, small bowl of rice crispies with good milk, hunger 3/5

BREAKFAST: 11am, 1/3 of toased whole wheat bagel, small bowl of cornflakes with good milk, dirt pill, hunger 3/5

LATE LUNCH (LINNER? DUNCH?): 4:30pm, one piece pepperoni pizza, side salad, spag & meatballs, bread, water, one beer, hunger 3/5
The first outta town guests for the wedding have arrived. Went again to Isabella's Oven. The pizza was great, but after my last pizza....

Tania is a friend from pre-historic times, and Elijah is her almost-4 year old. HE wanted the pizza, not ME! Then we went home and baked a ridiculously decadent pound cake for his birthday (which is tomorrow.) A cup of butter, a pint of heavy cream, 3 cups of sugar....well, at least it's all organic...

EVENING SNACK: midnight, 2 crumpets with butter, hunger 4/5
I knew if I didn't eat something, I wouldn't be able to fall asleep. Tania brought these over from England, the kind of English Muffins the actual English eat. Full of scary chemicals. Next time I'm over there, gonna find a more natural version in her hood she can bring over next time...

The Best Oatmeal Ever

BREAKFAST: 8am, water, dirtpill, hunger 1/5

BREAKFAST #2: 11am, Noah's Decadent Oatmeal, hunger 4/5
No eggs to make pancakes. Wanted something 1) delicious, 2) healthy and 3) wouldn't send my recovering state in the wrong direction. So I went all out and made the oatmeal of my dreams:

• 1/2 cup organic rolled oats
• 1/2 cup room temp water
• 1/2 cup whole unhomogenized organic milk
• 1/2 tablespoon organic grass fed butter
• 3 shakes of unrefined sea salt
• 1 pinch organic dehydrated organic cane juice
• 1 pinch freshly grated cinnamon

Dump all in a high-walled plastic bowl, nuke on high for 4 minutes or until desired thickness. Stir and eat.

Oh my. Much better than I expected. The whole milk, butter salt was what a freshly baked mac n' cheese from scratch and a fatty Alfredo sauce has in common - the good taste part that they have in common, minus all the cheese. The light hint of sweetness and cinnamon set off the rich dairy flavor at just the right angle. The fat in the milk gave the oats a tender firmness never found with just water. The butter gave a spectacular mouthfeel once swallowed.

The only thing I would of done differently is cut back to 1 or 2 salt shakes - it was pleasantly salty, but the salt would of had the same positive effect without being so notable.

And it doesn't hurt to have a Rufus sleeping on your head, a hot lady kvelling over you, your health slowly returning, and the weekend ahead of you.

LUNCH: 1:30, penne with homemade tomato sauce & grated Parmesan, hunger 4/5
Defrosted sauce, getting rid of the non-wholewheat pasta box by box.

PM SNACK: 3pm, 3 fresh baked chocolate chip cookies, hunger 2/5
Though it's the weekend, I think I'll aim for one dessert today. Only slept 3 hours last night, as I usually do the night after a drug-sleep night. Maybe sugar in the middle of the day instead of the end of the day will help tonight's sleep be all that more thick n' ropey.

DINNER: 7:30pm, 12 pieces sashimi, shrimp tempura appetizer, vegetarian nori rolls, small side of white rice, small amount of soy sauce, diet black cherry boylan, hunger 3/5
Downed the soda to squash sugar cravings.

PM SNACK: 9:30pm, small handful of unsalted pretzels, hunger 2/5

Not ill, not better

ADDENDA:
Symptoms retreated, tried to go to work this morning and realized despite Nyquil-sleep, was totally out of proverbial gas. Been sleeping all day, no energy. Eating more, but not much.

I just watched literally 24 hours of television. I am now watching a food-channel show about diners, and one in particular whose specialty is the "garbage plate". God bless America's food culture!

BREAKFAST: 8am, toasted whole wheat bagel with a little bit of peanut butter, pint of still water, hunger 2/5
Thought I was going to work, but after eating this, felt woozy and hazy. Promptly emailed work then napped till 11.

AM SNACK: 11am, 3 graham crackers with chocolate hazelnut butter, hunger 3/5

LUNCH: 3pm, shrimp toast, pint of beef lomein, hunger 4/5
Haven't indulged in take-out Chinese in a while, used to be a weekly standard. This is total comfort food, food that would be an anytime-special occasion for my parents and I. Despite the sodium horror show, it just makes me a little more comfortable coming out of an illness.

DINNER: 7pm, 4 vegetable dumpling, diet black cherry soda, hunger 3/5
Left over from lunch, the dumplings had weird pockets of intense saltiness, I had to just stop. Tired of water, washed it down with a Boylan's, which I intend not to buy again, but feel wasteful just throwing them away.

PM SNACK: 8:15pm, about 10 halves of Jaques Torres dark-chocolate ganaches, hunger 3/5
B had a surprise bachelorette party last night - pedicures, penis-shaped head-gear and what ever else ladies do on these things. One of her friends, however, gave her a nicely-sized box of good chocolates. So when B got back from chores (returning more gifts, getting a makeup test), she sat on the edge of the couch I've been prone on for the last 3 days. She opened the box, ate about half of each one by one, named the flavor and gave me her feedback, then put it down for me to gobble. It was kinda like a scene out of a light romance, only not corny. I don't think I could ask for a better partner to watch out for me. I love you Betsygirl!

Pizza, How Could You?!

ADDENDA:
Stayed home again, ate nearly nothing. Damn you evil Pizza!! I thought you were my friend, my comfort, my lover - how could you do this to me? I think we may have to have a talk, once I recover.

BREAKFAST: 8am, dirt pill, water hunger 0/5

LUNCH: 2 graham crackers w/ chocolate hazel nut butter, hunger 1/5
My urge for sweets overcame my lack of hunger! I was looking for Nutella at Whole Foods, and found an interesting organic and healthier analog of Nutella - not only organic, but skips the hydrogenated oils, the artificial flavors and the extra chemicals. Still, it's about half fat and half sugar, so by no means a health-food....

PM SNACK: 4:30pm, half a whole wheat bagel with good butter

DINNER: 7pm, 12 boiled meat, potato and kraut/mushroom perogies, 2 pints of water, hunger 4/5
Hunger is welcome back. Another comfort food, this time minus the grease and the dairy. I don't know why I haven't ordered perogies from this local diner before, as I often crave them. I usually eat 7 or 8, but I ordered the X-tra large portion, thinking my stomach would only be able to take half and I'd have another meal out of it. But low and behold, they jumped off the plate and shot down my throat. And I felt good after, though still sick, but the more, uh, graphic symptoms had receded.

PM SNACK: 9:30, shot of Nyquil
Don't like taking sleeping drugs, but really wanted to be on point for work the next day.

The Salad Warned, the Pizza Attacked

ADDENDA:
The original post:

I suspect an evil gustatory experience last night has sent me sideways. It is noon and I have not slept (or eaten) since last night's dinner. To paraphrase that annoying old guy on NPR, tomorrow I will be back....with the REST of the stor-Y. Good-DAY!

Well, now 4 days later and 75% recovered, 20/20 hindsight tells me the warning signs were there, I just wasn't paying attention. The stress of the wedding and an uptick of workload took me from two sides, and I hadn't been sleeping well. The night before, I felt a bit rundown, and wanted comfort food....I'm a glutton for comfort food...

The salad was fine and fresh but I just didn't enjoy it. My body was hungry, but my stomach wasn't. It just wanted to....rest. I should of had the salad and a small sweetie, and call it a night. But B was home, and we both LOVE pizza, and since I've been watching my diet, it's become something special instead of something regular. While ordering, I spontaneously ordered pepperoni because it's B's favorite (personally, mushrooms is the only topping I really go gaga over, but B is shroomophobic).

Tasted so good, that charcoaly crust, the fresh bright red crushed tomato sauce, the pillowy fresh mozz, the roasted veg, the crisp and oily pepperoni....it was a pleasure to eat, and I wolfed it. Fast. Then hey!, I didn't eat dessert today, doesn't matter I haven't let my meal settle, let's go for the gelato and mini pies! Ilsa, I swear I didn't eat this stuff - it just jumped down my throat!

Hopefully in the future, when a salad gives me a warning, I'll be able to pick up on it. The immense amount of dairy mixed with the crappy meat put my GI tract in a twist and knocked me out for a solid 3 days - this happens about twice a year, but this is the first time I've recorded my food intake to parallel it. I've lived, hopefully now I've learned.

BREAKFAST: 9am, half a whole wheat bagel with good butter, water hunger 0/5

LUNCH: 3pm, water, hunger 0/5

DINNER: all evening, water, hunger 0/5

I Used to HATE Lamb Chops....

ADDENDA:
My mom was a wonderful mother, a great person, a strong woman, a respected leader and a horrible cook. I remember the thin lambchops she would broil until they were tough, dry and the color of putty. No oil or salt that I can remember, never mind butter. Laying in front of the television, I'd cut the meat into bits then stick them under the corner of the carpet. After dinner, I'd be primed for a nice big desert.

I've been grooving on pork chops lately, but I think the time is coming soon to see what I can do with lamb, in my mom's honor.

BREAKFAST: 9am, cornflakes with whole unhomogenized milk, dirt tablet, hunger 2/5
Woke up late, but got a good night sleep. On the way out, saw the tray of mini pecan pies - one was half eaten by another resident of my apartment (hrumph!) I was very tempted to pop it in my mouth but, ummm, didn't want to have to cop to it here.

BP 10am: 126/80

LUNCH: 11:45am, chickpeas, lentils, spinach & panmeer over rice with nan bread, some raw onion, hunger 4/5
Just hungry, desirous of carbs. Sat down at local Times Square joint, read more of Animal Vegetable Miracle. Felt thristy. Why am I not drinking more water? Spicey mouth is shouting out for icecream, let's see how water does.

PM SNACK: 12:15pm, 24 oz still water

BP 3:30pm 121/84

PM SNACK: 4:15pm, bag of Robert's Potato Flyers, hunger 4/5
Eating my way through the non-sweet selection downstairs, hadn't had this in years. Puffed potato/corn thingies, with too much salt. Just tasted too salty, unpleasant. Went on their website to see the salt-content of their other products, was surprised to see a big announcement about a recall of their Veggie Booty due to salmonella contamination.

In Kingsolver's book, she writes about how the industrial food monoculture has limited the number of species and varieties of veg we eat, with an immense excess of potatos, corn and soy being pushed into our diets. Looking at these chips and the poisoned Booty, and can't help but see a connection.

DINNER: 7:30pm, half a Lombardi's pizza with pepperoni, onions and roasted peppers, homemade green salad, large portion of dulce de leche gelato and 4 pecan pie tarts, hunger 3/5
Salad was oddly unappealling, but the pizza was wonderful, if a little bit cheesier than usual. Little did I know this was the preamble to a long night....

Goin' Coco-nuts

BREAKFAST: 8:45am, a glass of water, small handful of unsalted pretzels, hippy tablet, hunger 1/5
Couldn't fall asleep till 4am due to wedding anxiety - yesterday was really the first day that was totally taken by wedding-related matters and nothing else. Fortunately, I know the #1 cause of my wedding anxiety and plan to address it tonight, hopefully resolve it as best as I can. Woke up groggy, food the last thing on my mind. But I knew I'd feel worse if ate nothing, so choked down some pretzels.

AM SNACK: 10:15, 11 oz coconut water, hunger 2/5
My friend Tamar read about my Gatorade dilemma and brought in a box of coconut water for me to try. Pleasantly but not overpoweringly sweet. Not as coconutty as I thought it would be, hints of pineapple. Slightly creamy mouth feel, like milk. High in sugar and potassium, hmmm, this definitely needs to be put to a bike-test, perhaps when me and T go on the NYC century together.

BP 10:30am: 126/95

LUNCH: 12:45pm, half a pastrami sandwich on rye with mustard, small cup of split pea soup with croutons, small bowl of vinegary slaw with 2 pickles, hunger 4/5
Work going well, but feel physically in need of comfort food, and a proper sit-down restaurant where I could read away my lunch hour. There is a Junior's on the ground floor of my building, and for this purpose, is perfect.

I'm in the early chapters of Kingsolver's book, and she's writing about what food culture is - it's not invented by a corporation, but comes naturally from the ground over time - "national and biological integrity". While embalmed cow is not quite what she had in mind, it is part of my personal food culture - this is what I grew up with, what my parents grew up with, what my grandparents (well, my dad's side, at least) grew up with. It's not the healthiest, but it makes me feel more connected to the world through my plate.

Yes, it is a salt trap of a meal, but a) the portion was a lot smaller than the usual head-sized meat portion, b) fries were sacrificed at the altar of Ilsa and c) no desert. Will this meal automatically raise my blood pressure, or is it more of a cumulative thing?

BP 1:45pm: 118/77

I guess that answers that a little. Feeling a desire for sweets. Greenmarket corn on the cob for dinner tonight, hopefully it'll help me contain a huge desert-fest....

BP 3:45pm: 118/65

LUNCH #2: 4pm, falafel on pita, hunger 4/5
Tired but feel good. Soul food from my mom's side.

DINNER: 7:15pm, large boneless porkchop with mushrooms in good butter and organic garlic, 3 ears boiled sweet corn with butter and salt, a large portion of dulche de leche gelato and 4 two-bite pecan pies, hunger=4/5
Left work early, browsed the Union Square greenmarket - some of the fruit and veg looked really good, but I have this hesitance - how do you cook it? I feel a subtle shift from fear to curiousity. In all my readings about the green market movement, it is said repeatedly that the Union Square greenmarket is both one of the first and one of the best. I'm almost embarrassed to admit that the only thing I bought from it for the past few years was wheatgrass....for my cat. Even my dad would shop there for veg....I thought he did it only because it was cheap....not because it was fresher and tastier.

Following some online instructions, I cooked the pork by browning on high heat then turning it down and covering the pan for a few minutes....it came up near perfect, if I was looking for well-done. Still juicy and porky, but I prefer it a little pinker. I'll get the hang of it eventually.

I purposely got a big, rich desert....with no chocolate elements. It'll be easier to resist later.

A Conservative Sunday, Except for Excessive Pasta

BREAKFAST: 8:30am, 3 burnt pieces of bacon, 1.5 bialies with sable, seltzer, soylent green pill, hunger 4/5
Feel good! Sore, but good.

LUNCH: 2pm, guacamole with soft tortillas and chips, grilled shrimp with rice and pepper sauce, hunger 4.5/5
Spent the day returning gifts. (If you're someone who gave us a gift, don't worry, yours is great. It's all the other ones that we exchanged!). By the end of it, starving to the point of feeling woozy, and the sore legs and stingy shoulders from yesterday's exertion didn't help. Went to Rosa Mexicana on 18th street, the guac was made table side, saw the good 1/2 teaspoon of salt poured into it! That's 25% of my daily right there. Noticed the saltiness of the shrimp and rice I ate - funny, as I was eating it thinking how the saltiness was kind of icky - it made the flavors a bit cartoony and loud.

Though normally I would have desert, I realized I wasn't hungry - I could comfortably skip it at the moment and try to have one desert today, despite it being the loosy-goosy weekend!

I haven't hit a 5/5 on the hunger scale since starting this log. Basically, when I just lose it from hunger and will eat anything to get unhungry, that'll be a 5/5. I once fasted for 4 days, the morning of the second day was a 5/5, but by the afternoon it disappeared. Unless my circumstance prevents me from eating all day, I hope to not have to experience a 5/5 anytime soon.

PM SNACK: 4pm, large hunk of varhona dark chocolate, hunger 4/5
We went food shopping, through this in the cart. When I got home, rolled up on the TV and thoroughly enjoyed it. I had a slight headache between lunch and coming home. I thought this chocolate might increase it - it actually made it go away about 20 seconds after chomping on the chunk. Hmm.

DINNER: 7pm, large green salad, whole wheat pasta with pesto and grated cheese, hunger 2/5
Looking back, I wasn't very hungry, I ate this meal more out of habit of having to have "3 squares a day" like my parents insisted. Perhaps I would of been better off with just the salad and a handful of pretzels...

Saturday - Day O' Sweets

ADDENDA:
Rode bikes with Danny to Nyack and back. Between the waking up early and pushing the bike a little, my stomach just stayed tight and closed most of the ride. By the time I started to get hungry, I was already on the West Side bike path, within an hour of home.

BREAKFAST: 5:15am, toasted onion bagel with sablefish, a large number of 2-bite brownies, small amount of seltzer, hunger 3/5
I think I was able to stuff down those brownies without blinking is because I barely had any carbs for dinner the night before - even for me, a half tub of gelato is a lot, but it was not offset by carbs. I guess this was a continuation. I ate the brownies because the donut shop wasn't open yet, and I needed the sugar rush to get me on my bike and start moving.

AM SNACK 1: 8:30am, 2 fresh donuts from farm stand, lots of water, Hunger 2/5
Tip of northern NJ, didn't feel too hungry but was careful not to become hungry either.

AM SNACK: 10:30am, 20oz bottle of gatorade, lots of water, Hunger 2/5
The last 2 experiments to replace gatorade failed, but I still need to attempt to create a home-made sports drink. Reading the label, it's really liquid industrial candy with a few additional chemicals thrown in. I can't believe I used to drink this stuff casually at home. Still, my stomach was tight and it went down easy, giving me the needed sugar rush to get me over the cliffs on 9W.

LUNCH: 2pm, mushroom potato knich, apple cheese knish, botle of seltzer, hunger 4.5/5
Home! Munchies! Would of eaten more but fell asleep on the couch watching a DVD, snuggled tightly on the couch wedged between a warm woman and a warm cat.

DINNER: 6:30pm bread and whitebean salad, 4 pieces of tomato and roasted garlic bruschetta, linguine in meat sauce, dirt pillhunger 4/5
Went to Supper with B, a nice Italian restaurant with a slightly off-beat, Northern menu. I went there a few times with mom, she loved it so much she took some of her own friends there. The fact that it was in the East Village and usually had a line of people, mostly in there 20s, waiting to get in, she found that incredibly hip.

B was a little irritating, criticizing me for not engaging her. Thing is, I was there, I wasn't being rude and reading a paper or playing a video game. We were at the bar, facing the open kitchen and I was watching the people prepare ours, and everyone elses, food. On top of that, I was really hungry, really tired, and really sore from the day's activity. I thought being there together was enough, chilling out together and enjoying the same experience. Why does every minute have to be a gabfest?

The meatsauce was eh, but the roasted bulbs of garlic on the grilled bread was amazing. I must learn the technique to roast garlic this way - it's like an almost buttery garlic spread, but mellow instead of sharp.

Forgot the multivitamin this moring, so I took it befoer we left for dinner.

PM SNACK: 8pm, 2 cupcakes, hunger 3/5
Too full to eat dessert at the restaurant, we stopped by Sugar Sweet Sunshine on the way home. B refused to get her own, ended up eating half of one of mine.

PM SNACK: 11pm., handful of saltless pretzels, hunger 3/5

PM SNACK: 12:30am, cherry italian ice, hunger 3/5
Craving sugar, enough so to keep me up. Gave me a slight headache as I nodded off to sleep.

A Second Chance Stir Fry

BREAKFAST: 8:30am, toasted everything bagel with good butter, soylent green pill, hunger 3/5
Though I didn't ask for it, an everything bagel ended up in the freezer's paper bagel bag. Tasted ickily salty.

BP 8:45am: 115/75

AM SNAK: 10am, 24 oz water

BP 11am: 126/86

LUNCH: 1pm, bowl of sliced beef over white rice, udon noodles in soup, 2 shrimp shumai, water, hunger 4/5
Lunch with BFF Erikka in Times Square (she works close by), to the Japanese shop I don't love too much. Ordered a special plate with a list of a whole lotta stuff, but what I got was different - I guess they choose out of the list what they want to serve to you. The beef was unsauced so it was reasonable, and I ate the noodles but skipped the soup. Enjoyed catching up with Erikka more than the food.

Erikka suggested dessert after, and I glumly said I couldn't because I was restricting myself to one dessert a day. She cracked up, I guess it IS kind of funny. Still, if I were to eat dessert, the idea of having the rest of the day without sweets is uncomfortable. One dessert in the evening means I can look forward to it.

BP 1:45pm 116/80

PM SNACK: 4pm, a bag of Robert's Smart Puffs, hunger 4/5
Only 150mg of sodium for a big salt taste. Kind of like crunchy packing peanuts with a cheese powder coat. Would rather be eating chocolate or cookies right now. God. My palate needs to grow the f@ck up.

BP 4pm 123/86

DINNER: 7:30, large green salad with italian dressing, large bowl of shrimp stirfry with weird tofu/yam noodles, chocolate hazelnut gelato and three 2-bite brownies, hunger 4/5
Experimented with the left-over ingredients and a few new ones. Stirfry had the left over veg and dill, frozen shrimp from early in the week, got a new vegetable stock (not low sodium, but naturally about 50% less than the chicken stocks on the shelf). Rather than rice, found this odd low carb low calorie Japanese noodle made from soybeans and yam flour - tasted pleasantly slimey and weirdly airy. Watered down the stock and boiled it with corn starch - didn't have any wine, unfortunately. This time it wasn't bland, but still wasn't all that. Not ready to serve to guests, but this stir-fry thing with a thickened sauce has something to it - gotta find some hardcore old Asian recipes to figure out how to do it right. Gelato and brownies heavenly.

EVENING SNACK: 8:30pm, 3 one bite brownies, hunger 2/5
Sitting watching a DVD with B, my lust for more sugar really didn't dissipate after dessert, so after an hour, I somehow thought, hey, I haven't really finished with dessert! Now that the lust is gone, I know that was really a second round of sweets. But hey, its almost the weekend - I have next week to get it right!

It's Gonna Be a Bright, Pancakey Daaaay....

ADDENDA:
That's to the tune of I Can See Clearly Now, btw....

BREAKFAST: 7am, 3 golden pancakes, chow-pill, hunger 3/5
We went to sleep without addressing wedding stuff, so I woke up at 6am and made us pancakes, on a new pan we got as a gift, with extra milk to see how it would be, and it was good. Turns out this evenings plans got smooshed, so we just chilled and we're going to spend this evening on wedding stuff. But this time, I think we're going to order in or eat in the neighborhood for efficiency's sake. I used to order in 3-4 times a week....wow, how did I do that?
BP at 8am: 117/77

AM SNACK: 24 oz still water
BP at 10:30: 121/83

LUNCH #1: 12:45, green salad from home, hunger 4/5
Busy working (on wedding stuff, he he), almost forgot to eat. Almost.

LUNCH #2: 2pm, .75lbs from organic salad bar of Thai beef and sesame noodles with tofu, 24 oz still water, hunger 3/5
Walked to a 'healthy' place a few blocks away with friends. For a healthy place, they do a strong business in burgers and pizza. Sure, they're probably hormone-free and whole wheat crusts, but is this really healthy? The definition of 'healthy' seems so amorphous to me right now.

BP 121/82 at 3:30pm

PM SNACK: 4pm, bag of Robert's Pirate Booty with cheddar, hunger 4/5
Really craving sweets, determined to keep it to one-a-day.

DINNER: 6:45pm, half a small lightly-cheesed pizza, a large serving of eggplant parm with a lot of cheese, a small side of pasta, 4 pieces of bread, one hoegaarden beer, hunger 4/5
B & I went to the new Isabella's Oven on our street, it's been getting raves from the Pizza Cognoscenti for a few weeks now. Though pizza and cheese are not yet on a list of Ilsa's banned-substances, I know it is a salt-bomb. Thing was, I was thinking more 'pizza' than 'cheese', and the pizza was a) light on the cheese as a good pizza should and b) AMAZINGLY yummy and well worth the indulgence. And it was an appetizer, not a big feast. However, the eggplant parm was dripping in cheese, about the equivalent of half a large pizza full o' cheese. But I was really hungry, I ate it all, and I was even too full....for a sweet dessert!!!

PM SNACK: 9pm, 3 fresh baked chocolate chip cookies from frozen dough, hunger 2/5
Walking home from the restaurant, I realized I was going to be jonesing for sugar when my stomach felt less full. The donut shop next door was closed, so I decided to get a small one-serving box of Entemann's chocolate chip cookies from a drug store. B lightly scolded me, but I explained to her how I'm a little like a junky, I don't need my fix right now but I can anticipate and moderate.

The Rite Aide did not have the dollar-boxes - they only had the big size, and this time it was "25% MORE FREE!" - an extra-fat-ass box! I waited on line, getting more and more pissed off about it. Why wasn't it 25% cheaper instead of 25% bigger? Why didn't I have the option of buying a single serving? And now I'm going to have this big box of temptation in the house that looks like a PM snack, breakfast and AM snack, too. Through more food out the window? Maybe I should just make my own and screw these guys and the industrial complex thats helping me get fat?!

Then I remembered I had a container of cc cookie dough in the freezer, a nice healthy brand that has just about the same ingredients I would use if I was making it from scratch. Because they take a good 30 minutes to make from start to finish, it's not the kind of sweet snack I can be tempted by too easily - it's not just open the box and toss them back, it takes effort. So I put the box of cookies back and walked out.

Human Chow in a Pill

ADDENDA:
Getting to work, I'm 113/90, that's odd. I really got to calibrate this thing against another machine. I've taken Ilsa's, B's, and Tamar's pressure with it, and they all came in low.

Ilsa did say that after reading this blog, she doesn't think I'm getting the nutrition I need, so she pointed me to this multi-vitamin supplement derived from food sources.....mmmmm, human-chow in pill form! Soylent Green circa 2007!

Thinking about the session I had with B and Ilsa last night, I think the pressure of the upcoming wedding is affecting me more than I thought. I think I need to settle in tonight and focus on all the details. It's only a few weeks away...

BREAKFAST: 9am, toasted onion bagel with the good butter, chow-pill, hunger 4/5
Too tired to make salad last night, so chopped all this morning, worked up my hunger.

LUNCH: 1pm, chirashi and small bowl of miso soup, water, hunger 4/5
Feeling fish. Wished it was healthier. The soup was a salt trap, and the lovely sushi rice bed the fish laid on could be brown. Now a meal from home of a bucket of brown vinegary sushi rice with some amature raw cut fish, that could be fun.

In the middle of the first few chapters of Animal Vegetable Miracle over lunch, starting to feel guilty for my gluttony. Maybe Ilsa is too nice to call a spade a spade, but I can call it whatever I want, and my sweet tooth brings out the glutton in me. Though maybe it's a bit too early, I gotta to try to seriously curtail my sweets intake. Cutting out diet coke and fries was too easy. This is the elephant in the room.

I wanted ice cream after the chirashi, I put it on hold. Maybe I can get by with ONE dessert a day? One sweet treat a day? Well, that'll have to be the ridiculously wonderful milk chocolate gelato waiting for me at home....

At this moment, my bp reads 115/77. Slight beginning of a small headache, maybe need to drink water. If my bloodpressure really is closer to normal, no wonder why those meds wrecked me a few months ago...

PM SNACK: 4:45, Bag of Robert's Smart Puffs, 24 oz still water, hunger 4.5/5
Really wanting sweets. Sitting around, thinking about wanting sweets, then thinking maybe I should eat something small but not sweet, like a potato....duh! A bag of something savory. This bag of cheesy poofs only had 150mg of sodium, could be a lot worse. Planning to do grocery shopping after work, don't want to be insanely hungry while doing that.

As I'm eating my cheesy poofs, a coworker puts a box of dark-chocolate covered macadamia nuts under my nose and asks if I want any....I felt like crying, felt like explaining if I ate one, then I'd have to write about in my blog how lame I am....but I didn't. So I didn't, and I'm not!

DINNER: 8pm, large green salad, scallop and vegetable stirfry in a low-sodium broth/wine sauce over wholegrain black rice, a small piece of chocolate cake and half a pint-tub of milk chocolate gelato, a glass of wine, hunger 4/5
Funny, I usual only make such a complicated effort to cook on special occasions, but on this average-ish Wed night, cooking like this made it special in itself. The internet-found recipe called for a little wine, so B brought home wine and we had a glass, it was calming. This was the first time I ever cooked with either corn starch or broth or black rice, and the final product was just ok, a lot of things could of been better (was too bland, for one - I gotta make my own stock in the future, the low-sodium stuff is eh) Regardless, it was a lot of fun and B seemed to appreciate the effort.

Went a bit crazy on the gelato, but it sure was good. Guaranteed no snacks for the rest of the night!

120 over 88

ADDENDA:
I got my blood-pressure cuff last night. I've measured myself several times, and it's ranged from 117/75 to a high of this morning's 128/89. I know the #s that freaked my doc out was 140 over 100.

From Wikipedia (my italics)

Typical values for a resting, healthy adult human are approximately 120 mmHg systolic and 80 mmHg diastolic (written as 120/80 mmHg, and spoken as "one twenty over eighty"), with large individual variations. These measures of blood pressure are not static, but undergo natural variations from one heartbeat to another and throughout the day (in a circadian rhythm); they also change in response to stress, nutritional factors, drugs, or disease.

Huh. Does this mean my blood pressure is under control? A little high? Still a lot high? Maybe my blood pressure was so high at my doc's because I road my bike there (hard, in the rain)? More from Wikipedia:

Home blood pressure monitoring
Up to 25% of patients diagnosed with hypertension do not suffer from it, but rather from white coat hypertension. Thus, well-performed, accurate home BP monitoring can prevent unnecessary anxiety, as well as costly and potentially dangerous therapy in many millions of people worldwide. Home blood pressure monitoring provides a measurement of a person's blood pressure at different times and in different environments, such as at home and at work, throughout the day. Home blood pressure monitoring may assist in the diagnosis of high or low blood pressure. It may also be used to monitor the effects of medication or lifestyle changes taken to lower or regulate blood pressure levels. Home monitoring of blood pressure is especially useful for patients who suffer from white coat hypertension, where blood pressure levels are elevated in the Physicians office.

I just retook my pressure: 120/88!! I know you can't just say everything is fine from one reading, but initial measurements suggest my blood pressure is just a little high, not oh-my-god-Stroke-is-imminent high. This is interesting. I will continue to montitor my bloodpressure through the next few days to see if there are any patterns or exceptions.

BREAKFAST: 8:30am, oatmeal with a little honey, butter and salt, hunger 4/5.
Only a teaspoon of butter, but it gave the oatmeal such a more satisfying flavor and mouth feel.

AM SNACK: 10:15am, mint, 16 oz still water.

LUNCH: Noon, fresh turkey on whole wheat with swiss, LT&O, mustand, bag of sunchips, small amount of water, hunger 4/5
Rather then go pile drive a pizza or a brick of chinese food, I think I'll hold off till I'm more certain about my health. Seeing Ilsa (with B) tonight, a good time to reevaluate.

PM SNACK: 3:30pm, 6 linden cookies, 24 oz still water, hunger 4/5
Again, hungry and desiring sweets. BP right after cookies: 117/81, hmmm. Is this thing working right? That's slightly LOW. Maybe I should have a doc's appt sooner and calibrate my monitor vs. his wall-mounted blood pressure-oscope.

ADDENDA: 4pm. Small headache from the cookies. BP 130/88. Hmmmmm....

DINNER: 7:45pm. 5/8s of a pizza with onions and mushrooms, half a large green salad (with one olive), one roll with olive oil.
What a better way to eat after a meeting with a nutritionist than to indulge in that which one should not. The meeting didn't really go into food as much as B & I's relationship, touching on how we relate through food - we eat very differently. B eats a little too much like a girl, and I think Ilsa may be implying I eat a little too much like a boy. Maybe our goal should be to eat a little more gender-neutrally!

Kinda wanted pepperoni on the pizza and to eat all the olives, but it would of tripled my sodium intake for the day.

PM SNACK: 9pm, 2 scoops of milk chocolate gelato, hunger 3/5
Got a lot of good healthy stuff from Whole Foods on the way home....and this. He he. What's pizza w/o ice cream? B only had a spoonful. (Ooo, should I be writing about B's eating? Does that make me a snitch? God knows I don't to help her be insecure about what she eats!)

Beef Cheek Hangover

BREAKFAST: 8:30am, 3/4 of a toasted sesame bagel with good butter, a pint of lime perrier, hunger 2/5
Got to bed 1ish, had good sleep despite being full of organ meets and freddos. Not hungry, but wanted to start the week off on the right foot.

AM SNACK: 10:30am, 24 oz of still water.

LUNCH: 1:30pm, Indian combo, saag paneer, chickpea curry, yellow lentils, basmanti rice, a little yogurts sauce, a small bit of raw onion, plus a chocolate icecream cone, hunger 4/5
Tried the paneer to change things up. I was expecting this Indian cheese to be salty, but it wasn't at all, it reminded me of tofu (and according to wikipedia, it IS saltless!) Score!! I just started reading Barbara Kingsolver's "Animal Vegetable Miracle" over this meal, and after reading for 10 minutes, got the vibe I'm in for a treat. I also realized that even though I finished eating 10 minutes ago, I was still hungry. Not very hungry, but the kind of hunger that does not go away by itself. My mouth still hot, had a soothing chocolate cone. I'm happy to report that it wasn't a sugar craving that lead me to it, but more of it's sensory qualities.

PM SNACK: 4:30pm, organic marble pound cake, 24 oz still water, hunger 3/5
Working my way around the organic baked selection downstairs, still too sweet. Regardless, my desire for sweets seem to becoming clearer, overlaid over simple hunger. I was a little hungry.

DINNER: 7pm, sizzling seitan medalions in orange sauce, sticky rice, a couple of vegetable dumplings, a couple basil-mooshu rolls, half a piece of chocolate cake.
Dinner at Zen Palate in Union Square with B and her friend Lisa, after some vegetable shopping in the green market. Mostly vegetarian day, after the organ-meat fiesta of the day before. Betsy was so hungry she got cranky and a bit out of sorts, not very good.

ADDENDA: I didn't have any snacks til bed!!