Thursday, October 25

New Day to Get It Right

ADDENDA:
I guess working a freelance gig while under the Superstuffed pressure cooker wasn't the best thing for my peace of mind or diet, but things are looking up. Packed a healthy lunch and gonna end the day with yoga and a healthy meal out with friends. Despite my crankiness last night, my wife still loves me for some odd reason...

BREAKFAST: 7:30am, good yogurt with honey, vanilla and raw cashews, hunger 4/5
Weirdly hungry this morning, good 9 hours sleep. Despite the crappiness of dinner, the quantity of it was below usual Chinese-brick proportions.

LUNCH: 1pm, 3/4 of a superhippy peanutbutter sandwich, large green salad with italian dressing, hunger 4/5
Kinda not satisfied, still hungry, though this meal has satisfied me before. Kinda want sugar, kinda just want...more lunch. Will see how I feel in an hour or so, maybe a snack of significant proportions is in order.

I donated the other 1/4 of the sandwich to the Hungry Vegan Society.

PM SNACK: 3:30pm, lamb on pita, hunger 4/5
Went out for air and yummy lamb. Good to go for yoga, and healthier bits after.

DINNER: 8:30pm, tofu "pad thai", marinated burdock roots, piece of good bread, sip of salty soup, tahini noodles, a couple of fried mushrooms, green salad with carrot dressing, water, hunger 4/5
After yoga, went to Souen with the Hungry Vegan Society. Food was OK, the so-called pad thai was terrible - the menu said it featured smoked tofu, but the few little bits that I found swimming in the peanut sauce were just ordinary.

The deserts there were horrendously healthy and none involved chocolate, so I skipped it....

Wednesday, October 24

Donut Disaster of a Different Order

BREAKFAST: 6:30am, organic brown rice crispies and good milk, hunger 3/5
I got the salted version, still not very good.

AM WATERING: 7:15am, 24 oz still water

AM SNACK: 10am, 1.5 vegan donuts, 1 small piece of baklava, hunger 4/5
Brought these in for T and coworkers, not very impressed with them (the donuts, that is) but after hauling them around the city since last night, had to try. Gosh, is that my sweet for the day?! Disaster!

LUNCH: 1pm, brick o' samosas, brown rice, pumpkin noodles and curry veg, hunger 4/5
Quick eats as I pumped out freelance work over my lunch.

PM SNACK: 4pm, conventional brownie, hunger 4/5
Falling asleep, needed sugar, felt cranky. Was a quick pickmeup and got me through till 6:30, but felt really shlocky after.

DINNER: 8:30pm, BBQ ribs and fried rice, egg roll, seltzer, cupcake, hunger 4/5
Tired, cranky, feeling bad about spoiling date night with B, needed comfort food. Wasn't planning on more sweets, but B brought them in special just for cranky little me. Thought of how much fun it was ordering Chinese food with my parents, the ceremony of walking down the street with my dad to pick it up because the tip for delivery seemed like a waste of money. I really enjoyed those little walks, then coming back and my mom set the table, like that's the equivalent of cooking!

Tuesday, October 23

Feel like puh-puh-puh-pizza toniiiite!

ADDENDA:
Got a full 8 hours of sleep, needed it from the echoes of Sunday's ride. Had the most bonkers dreams. I somehow got a time machine and I used it to take me and my friend Tamar back to 1970, before I was born, and we went around exploring NYC, looking at the typeface of the NY Times (in my dream it was different then, though I know it was the same), visited neighborhoods that are now hoity-toity but then slums, the undeveloped waterfronts, everything. I kinda wanted to pop in on my parents and see how they were doing, but Tamar and I both decided that would be too creepy. Like travelling through time is not creepy enough...

Last night before bed, I did something very unusual. I keep an off-line bike diary, where I record the experiences of ever long bikeride I take in a database. I've keep this log since my first real bikeride (to Coney Island, 35 miles) in 1999. Well, I've never really gone back and read entries. I pulled up all the entries for the Tour De Bronx, a ride I've done every year except '05, when my mom was sick and I was living with her (I was surprised to find that a solid 10 entries around that time were recorded, but I didn't write any thoughts - I was too depressed.) I write about the rides, but also about what I was feeling, what was going through my head during the ride, what I did the day before that maybe set up the physical state for the ride. It was, well, like travelling in a time machine. And, dare I say it, if I edited it and strung in some connective tissue, a lot more interesting than a silly food blog! Speaking of food...

Got whole-wheat dough in the freezer, picked up another ball of buffala mozz. Gonna experiment with uncooked pizza sauce tonight, blend the san marzanos, garlic, sea salt, olive oil, maybe an herb here or there. Ooo, I can see the healthy bright red color with little specs of herb in it now...

BREAKFAST: 7:30am, toasted garlic bagel with hummus and smoked cod, hunger 3.5/5
Bought the fish on a whim last night to change up breakfast a little, but it wasn't very good, especially compared to Russ & Daughters, I really shouldn't buy smoked fish anywhere except there. And though I'll spare you the TMI, upon getting to work I decided I need to throw out the remaining portion.

AM WATERING: 9am, 24 oz still water

LUNCH: 1pm, peanut butter on superhippy bread, last night's potatoes, 24 oz still water, hunger 4/5
The potatoes were too greasy but there is a certain potatoey flavor that the subtle lemon and herbs brought out that was really nice. Definitely a recipe I want to continue to refine. Huh, ate vegan by happenstance.

PM SNACK: 5:30pm, bag of Robert's Smart Puffs, hunger 4/5
Don't want to bing and rush to pizza tonight.

DINNER: 8pm, large green salad, one homemade pizza with wholewheat crust, small dish of black sesame gelato, seltzer, hunger 4/5
The first attempt at pizza was a tadpole emerging from the ocean for the first time. This pizza was the discovery of fire. Wow. I would not be embarrassed to serve that to friends. The whole wheat dough gave a pleasant nutty flavor, I blended the whole san marzanos with good olive oil, dried basil and a little sea salt, no cooking required. Light on the buffala moz, with a sprinkling of funky sheep pecorinno. Baked at 550+ on a stone, splashed it with olive oil when it came out. Crust was solidly crisp on the bottom, small pillowy layer on top locking into the sauce and well-baked cheese. All the ingredients came together to form a.....pizza! Not just bread, sauce and cheese, but pizza!

Funny, I met with Ilsa this evening but didn't feel the urge to run out and eat something unhealthy. Guess I'm slowly starting to get a grip on that nasty little boy.

Monday, October 22

What disasters will today hold?

BREAKFAST: 7:30am, 2 pieces wholewheat toast with good butter, dirtpill, hunger 1/5
Only got 7 hours sleep, which is usually enough, but needed more to recover from yesterday's ride. Stomach tight. Felt good, ready to attack work. Had a great time yesterday, between the ride and seeing friends, I'm really glad I didn't cave in to my baser instinct to stay at home and eat apple crumble all day.

AM WATERING: 8:30am, 24 oz still water
Gotta get a new blood pressure cuff. If it's high, it'll motivate me to think more about weight loss. Just too under the gun the past couple of weeks to really focus. (10 minutes later: just ordered a new cuff)

AM SNACK: 10am, handful of yummy tortilla-styled rice chips, hunger 3/5
Tamar brought em in, tried to force more on me but I was like, no, I'm too sweet and innocent to eat such things this early!

LUNCH: 1:30pm, 8 pieces of sushi & tuna roll, small salad and miso soup, shrimp shumai, water
Tried a different sushi place near the office, surprised how not bad it was.

DINNER: 7pm, big salad with garlic dressing, 2 pretzels with peanut butter, a small piece of apple crumble, roasted red potatoes with tofu and shallots, desert plate featuring chocolate cake, dark chocolate, small scoop of basil gelato and black sesame gelato, hunger 4/5
Prepared the farmers market potatoes with olive oil, fresh garlic, random dried herbs, lemon juice, took 45 minutes to cook. Ate a big salad with a new organic salad dressing, but still very hungry and couldn't wait. As I was working my way through the pretzels and crumble, B mentioned, "You're binging!". She was right, I should of had a snack this afternoon. Still, had a moderate amount of taters and the desert, for all it's variety, was moderate in quantity.

Sunday, October 21

Disaster Day O' Donuts

ADDENDA:
After not going out last night and feeling crappy, my throat was scratchy in the morning. I considered staying home, but thought that just chores and staying home all weekend would make for a crappy weekend - a bike ride could turn it to a more good than crap weekend. Though everyone I was supposed to ride with dropped out, I went anyway and road up to the Bronx and did the Tour De Bronx. Between getting there and back, about 70 miles, a good day.

POWER SNACK #1: 8am, 2 excellent donuts, water, hunger 3/5
From my local bakery, fresh and organic.

POWER SNACK #2: noon, 2 OK donuts, 9-10 donut holes, half a croissant, big chocolate chip muffin, water, hunger 4/5
Was way too hungry way too early, and the food was all free. No, there really wasn't anything healthier there. There is something about unlimited free donuts...

UNPOWER SNACK #3: 2:30pm, 1/3 of a can of diet sunkist, hunger 3/5
The pastries sat like a brick in my stomach for the rest of the day, didn't eat anything at the next 2 rest stops, but they only had fruit and granola bars anyway (I can hear Ilsa groaning!) At the end they had free sodas, and I thoughtlessly grabbed one, started drinking it them remembered, ugg! I hate diet soda! He he. Tasted so acidy. I arrived too early for the free-za (it was crappy evil Dominos anyway), so was no big deal to skip it and leave.

COOL DOWN SNACK: 4pm, big green salad with Italian dressing, hunger 4/5
Home, nice farmer's market salad.

PM SNACK: 5:45pm, roasted ear of corn, hunger 4/5
From a street fair.

DINNER: 8pm, brisket with noodle pudding and string beans, a little hummus, babganoush & pita, olives, small chocolate cake, half glass of wine, water, hunger 4/5
Dinner at a nice Mediterranean place with good friends and guests. I actually hate brisket, but read meat really appealled to me this evening, after that ride. I thought maybe this would be different, as it wasn't made by my grandmom (disgusting brisket) or a friend, but it was still kind of stringy and funky tasting. Why do people like this stuff?

EVENING WATERING: 10:30pm, liter bottle of cherry seltzer
Feeling dehydrated. Only brought a water bottle on the ride, no camelback, probably only got though 50 oz of water.

Saturday, October 20

How you like THEM apples?! OR: Unmitigated Dinner Disaster Pt 2

ADDENDA:
Had a good morning working on my music collection, got the farmers market at 8am and got superhippy bread, lamb snausages, a full salad, etc. After I got home and helped B with the laundry, went out again to Wholefoods and stocked up to start with the pizza making.

At the farmers market, there was a fantastic selection of all sorts of good looking apples with names I never heard before. Bought a whole bunch of 'Mutu' yellow apples that are supposed to be very crisp and tart, so I made an apple crisp this morning, hopefully the tartness will make a superior crisp....

BREAKFAST #1: 5:30am, organic cornflakes with good milk, hunger 3/5

BREAKFAST #2: 9am, good yogurt with honey, vanila and raw cashews.

LUNCH: 1pm, homemade pizza, small amount of cinnamon gelato, seltzer, hunger 4/5
Got new dough from wholefoods. Found it difficult to work with, gotta get a pizza-peel. Used whole peeled tomatoes on the pizza, too liquidy. Little bits of buffala moz was perfect, but the crust was too thick (so it had that moist wet dough layer between the toppings and the crust), the tomatoes brought too much liquid, needed a little bit of salt, a little bit of olive oil, maybe a little bit of basil. Next time maybe I'll blend up my own experimental pizza sauce.

PM SNACK: 5pm, small piece of apple crumble, hunger 3/5
B had a friend over, to be social. Pleasantly tart.

DINNER: 8pm, entire box of prepared low-sodium stuffing, hunger 3/5
An elderly neighbor knocked on our door, her elderly husband fell in the bathroom and hit his head and couldn't stand up. I ran across the hall to look, and though there was no blood and he was conscious and coherent, it was clear with his advanced age, this kind of fall required immediate medical attention. Betsy and I stayed with the woman, who clearly had dementia, as we waited what seemed like forever for 911 to arrive. After Nathan was taken away, we stayed with the woman for a while, got her daughter (probably in her 70s) on the phone, arranged for someone to come and look after her.

The whole thing was reminiscent of my father's last days, the beginning of the end was when he fell in the kitchen and hit his head, concussion and stroke and the whole 9 from that fall. While B and her friend went out, I just felt crappier and crappier - not so much depressed, as remembering what it was like. With my parents, when one lost their health, the other picked up the slack. When the other was alone and sick, I moved in. Neither ever had to move to a home, both always had a family member and/or a home health aid at all times. Here, these two people, clearly both on the edge of oblivion, why don't they have a home health aide or a younger relative living with them? Just so disturbing. But we did what we can, and we'll look more closely after our neighbors from here on in.

Wasn't hungry, going through the cupboard. A lot of good stuff to eat, but the only thing I went for was....crappy box of stuffing. Every Thanksgiving when my mom cooked, I would make the stuffing - which was from a damn Stouffers box, so it wasn't cooking really. So when my mom would brag that Noah made the stuffing, I'd have to qualify that it was from a box, not from scratch.

I didn't mean to eat the whole box, it just kinda disappeared from the pot. By the end, I could kinda taste a weird stale chemically aspect to it which I never noticed before. Still, it tasted like fall with my mom.

Friday, October 19

Unmitigated Dinner Disaster

ADDENDA:
Had my third go at yoga last night, this time focusing on back-bending. I got there 5 minutes late after rushing down by bike, and I kinda wanted to stay at work and knock some stuff out to be able to go home with a clear mind. All through yoga, I felt distracted by 'Superstuffed', which is part of the title of the Thanksgiving event I'm helping coordinate - funny how it references the American holiday habit of eating to excess, while I'm doing all I can to get out from under that baggage. Anyway, there were a few moves and routines I was just too tired/unfocused for and just laid there till people got by them. One however, hurt like hell - the hero pose where your basically sitting on the fronts of your fore-legs with your knees tied together and back straight. I sat on 2 blocks to make it possible, but it killed my knees, legs, feet, ankles. Held it for what seemed like forever (though probably 60 seconds), all the while of having images of my knees forever being damaged and never riding a bike again. When we came out of it and shook it out and went into downward facing dog, I was shocked to find my knees actually felt really good after all that. Huh.

BREAKFAST: 7:30am, toasted onion bagel with good butter, hunger 3/5

AM WATERING: 8:30am, 24 oz still

LUNCH: 1:15pm, curry pork tonkatsu with white rice, cabbage, 3 pork dumplings, seaweed salad, water, hunger 4/5
Good Japanese, will never go to that crappy sushi place again next door. Haven't had meat since....the day before yesterday, really enjoyed it, wonder if I could make it similarly at home by pounding a piece of meat within an inch of it's life....

PM SNACK: 4:30pm, large piece of cheese cake, water, hunger 3/5
Birthday at the office, it's Tamar's fault for treating her peeps so well.

DINNER: 7:30pm, small green salad, horrendously bad bar-za, pecan tart with vanilla gelato, water, hunger 2/5
Went to Lucky Strike with B and Yana, it was starting to rain and it was convenient. Love going to dinner with Yana, but the menu did not appeal to me this evening, and the previous cheesecake put the squash on my appetite. So I thought ordering the bar-za would be a safe palatable option, I've never really eaten pizza at a bar/french restaurant. It was HORRIBLE, the menu said fresh moz, and there was a thin layer of it buried under a blanket of crappy yellow industrial cheese, ick. After the first tiny slice I tried to pick off as much of the bad cheese as possible, but it just kind of ruined it. Had dessert just to eat something good, even though I wasn't hungry for anything. Oy.

Thursday, October 18

Experiments in Decadence with Gelato

ADDENDA:
Wedding pics are up!

BREAKFAST:
7:30am, organic crispex with good milk, hunger 3/5

AM WATERING: 9am, 24 oz still water

LUNCH: 1:15pm, peanut butter on superhippy bread, baby organic carrots, hummus, whole wheat saltless pretzels, hunger 4/5
Packed it into my borg cube, had to eat at desk. Got a bunch of compliments on the cube. Almost forgot to pack lunch this morning, but feels good to sticking to 2 home lunches a week, especially with how much I've been eating out this week (and it looks like dinner is out tonight and tomorrow!) Gotta hit up the farmer's market HARD on Saturday...

LUNCH #2: 3pm, falafel sandwich on whole wheat, hunger 4/5
First lunch wasn't enough, don't want to be starving for yoga. Not feeling meat today.

DINNER: 8pm, homemade pancakes and cinnamon gelato, hunger 4/5
After yoga, wanted to just go home and chill, not much to eat at home. Felt in the mood for pancakes, though it seemed kinda boring. I don't like sweets with my pancakes, particularly syrup. Only desert in house is cinnamon gelato, kinda boring too.

Thinking of throwing in cinnamon into my pancake batter just to do something different. Thinking of waffles and chicken, maybe some non-bacon meat with the pancakes? Got nothing. Waffles n' ice cream, always good, but no waffles.....DUH! Rather than have pancakes then gelato and be bored, be totally decadent and have pancakes WITH gelato!! It was SOOO good, sopping up the melted cinnamony gelato with the fresh, crisp pancake. It was the same stuff I was going to eat, but eating it together just made it seem so....decadent.

Wednesday, October 17

First date with Home-za delayed

ADDENDA:
I heated up the oven to 550 (the highest it would go) and preheated the pizza stone, arranged my cheese, basil, San Marzano tomatoes and dough ball on the counter, thinking maybe of taking a pic of it for before/after photos. Called B to confirm when she'd be home, wanted her in on this as much as possible.

I'm standing there, inspecting my ingredients, reading the label of the dough ball I bought from the freezer case of Wholefoods. "Wheat Free". Huh????? I mistakenly bought a pizza dough ball made of rice, soy and some other flours that should have nothing to do with a healthy person's pizza. There was no way I was going to move forward with this "dough".

It's kinda like dressing up for a first semi-blind date. You may have friends in common who've assured you she's not nuts, you've seen the pictures and you know she's smokin' hot. She has a good job and a good family, you know she's quality and you can't be half-assing it with her. You're meeting around the corner at the perfect date cafe in 10 minutes, and because of your focus and mindlessness, you realize you haven't done your laundry in 2 months. You go into the closet and the ONLY clean shirt you have is a T-shirt that says "I -HEART- MIDGET PORN". You could wear it inside out, but it's just too dangerous. You MUST cancel, apologetically and in hopes of rescheduling as soon as possible.

That dough was a 'midget porn' t-shirt. To be continued....

BREAKFAST: 7:30am, good yogurt with good honey, vanilla and raw cashews, hunger 3/5

AM WATERING: 8:30am, 24 oz still

LUNCH: 12:30pm, brick o' food including 3 potato samosas, chickpea curry, a little lentil salad, a little cucumber salad and organic brown rice, hunger 4/5
The nutritional opposite of a Chinese brick o' food, a.k.a. the dinner combination of pork fried rice and pork lomein with egg roll - same container, though. Really yummy samosas.

PM WATERING: 1:30pm, 24 oz still
Usually the first 24 lasts all day, but I was thirsty this morning...

PM SNACK: 2pm, half a greentea-wrapped red bean paste dumpling thing, hunger 2/5
Ate it to be social, waaaay too sweet. Weirdly beany, though, that was kind of nice. Gonna try the red bean icecream at Chinatown Icecream Factory next time I'm down there.

DINNER: 7pm, 5 pieces semolina bread and butter, small amount of snapper cruddo, a shotglass of cauliflower soup, roast pork loan, belly and sausage, small amount of buttery gnocchi, a small apple cider donut and a scoop and a half of icecream, hunger 4/5
Me and B dressed up all fancy to go to this award ceremony where an old friend of hers was being honored. We showed up to the place in Grammercy, and nothing was happening. So we walked into the East Village and dropped in on Hearth, where we had a fancy meal a while ago and was impressed. I had the same pork dish, didn't like it as much - the sausage was too salty, the belly was too fatty, the deserts again were underwhelming. But it was nice to be dressed up and out with B.

Turns out the event is TOMORROW night, urgh. Between this and the dough, I think the aftershocks of being so stressed at work have effected my focus on other parts of my life.

Tuesday, October 16

Will I find the pizza love of my life tonight?

ADDENDA:
While I was grocery shopping at Wholefoods last night, was thinking about my evolving relationship to pizza. They have these really expensive 'gourmet' frozen pizzas that are better than the industrial stuff, but bottom line they aren't that great either. Grumble-thinking, damn, I should make my own....DUH! So I bought a frozen ball of pizza dough, a can of San Marzano tomatoes and a container of fresh buffalo moz. We have fresh basil from B's cousin's Brooklyn backyard, and a pizza stone from our registry. Tonight's cooking will be a challenge but crazy fun...

BREAKFAST:
6:30am, organic cornflakes with good milk, hunger 3/5
Still getting to work super-early, but the Sumner Redstone presentation I shepherded is being shown today, and the other doody-sandwich of a project I'm on is still in the weeds, but my inexperience is starting to evolve into light-experience and have gotten positive feedback from my overseers. I don't know if I can wake up later , but my stress level has definitely gone from 9.5/10 to 5/10. Work usually keeps me at a 2 on a good day, 3-4 when things screw up. I don't even want to know what my blood pressure was last week...

LUNCH: 11:30am, big container of whole wheat rotinni with homemade sauce and Italian sweet sausage, hunger 4/5
I bought the sausage last night precooked, and made this for me and B just for lunch last night. Sausage was disappointing. Them fishstick and these sausages, it's just not nearly as good as cooking it yerself from raw, makes the biggest difference....

God, that sounds like it should be self-evident by why did it just click now? There is a very real cost to convenience, and not just money...

PM SNACK: 4:45pm, bag of Robert's smart puffs, hunger 4/5
I know B may not be home till 8, don't want to jump the gun and make (and eat) the pizza without her....

DINNER: 8:30pm, carrots and hummus, masamam curry with shrimp and sticky rice, veg dumplings, roasted tofu with satay sauce, cinnamon gelato, hunger 4/5
Grumble grumble grumble dough grumble grumble wah grumble.

Monday, October 15

Oh Beloved Street Slice, you've changed. I don't think I love you anymore.

ADDENDA:
When I lived in England for a year abroad as a college junior in 1992, I really didn't know what I was in for, food wise. I had only heard the stories about the horridness of English food, never experienced it. As a Jew from NYC, Chinese food was simply some of the best, cheapest filling and tasty food around.

So when I went to the local Chinese in Uxbridge, West London, and ordered a pint of fried rice, I was shocked, horrified and saddened when it dawned on my that Chinese food as I knew it would not be on the cards for my year abroad. The fried rice was soft and white, free of the browning of the soy sauce, and instead of yummy bit of fried onion and scallion and vegetable, this rice was chock full of....canned cubed carrots and canned peas! Yuuuuuk! Fortunately, soon after I learned that Indian food was the British equivalent of NYC Chinese takeout, and started a life long love for it.

I've had a life-long love for street slices (a.k.a. streetza) that I think just died today....sure, Times Square 'za is a crappier example than a my local slice shop, but still, it's all the same animal....

BREAKFAST: 6:30am, 2 saltless wholewheat pretzel, dirtpill, pint of seltzer, hunger 1/5
Stomach tight and on the edge of nausea, probably a mixture of chocolate hangover and nervousness about work. Got good 7 hours sleep, feeling more optimistic than not.

AM WATERING: 7:30am, 24 oz still water

LUNCH #1: Noon, large plastic clamshell full of cold pumpkin noodles and mushrooms, hunger 4.5/5
Almost fell into the too-hungry-to-think well, ate this during a meeting. At least from Green Symphony, kinda healthyish.

LUNCH #2: 2:15pm, crappy slice of pizza, hunger 4/5
Went back to green symphony to get some samosas to walk with, but they didn't have any. Haven't had a street slice in months and months, so stopped in a touristy Times Square slice shop. I used to subscribe to the axiom that pizza is like sex - even if it ain't that good, it's pretty good. Not anymore. This pizza's crust was a little too dry and crumbly with no chew, the sauce had a weird rancid tang to it, and the blanket of yellowy greasy cheese didn't taste anything like real mozz, more like de-flavored glue. And the thing is, I remember a Times Square street slice tasting like this, but somehow appealing.

Like diet coke, I guess I could teach myself to like this again, but why would I want to?

PM SNACK: 3:30pm, 7 dunkin' donut munchkins, hunger 4/5
Aiiigh! I was assisting my ppt specialist in the office of a VP, and this secretary came in and force fed me donut holes!! OK, she didn't, but they came to life and jumped down my throat. Hour later, slight head ache. Gonna try to make this my solitary sweet today...

PM SNACK: 6pm, 1.5 chocolate chip cookies, hunger 4/5
The problem with going to a supermarket hungry is when they have a tray of free cookies out there, it's hard to resist.

DINNER: 8pm, fresh fish sticks with forbidden rice, organic baby carrots with a little hummus, hunger 4/5
As an experiment, got pre-cooked fish chunks lightly breaded from Wholefoods, better than the super processed frozen stuff, but just not that fresh, would be better if I breaded and fried it myself. Betsy didn't like it at all. The black rice was kinda good, but bland, maybe I should of used stock, but then it would of been so salty.

Bought a tub of cinnamon gelato, and I successfully resisted eating any, and while B insisted on having some, I was able to go into the locked freezer and dole her out a single scoop. I was tempted to chow down on it right them and there, but after the munchkins and the cookies, I really didn't want to have to write about feeling guilty and lard-assed.

Sunday, October 14

Chocolate Covered Aspirins

ADDENDA:
I definitely lost focus on what I spoke with Ilsa this past week, about curbing my appetite after riding - but I only road 20 miles or so, not really a real super-appetite inducing exertion, but enough to rev it up a bit. I think I AM comfortable enough to start paying attention more to what I eat on the weekends, rather than take that time 'off' from any restrictions. Still no fries or chips, one desert a day, eat more home cooked stuff than out (though I suspect all 3 meals today will be eaten out due to family and social obligations!)

BREAKFAST: 8am, onion bagel with butter and hummus, good yogurt with honey and vanilla, hunger 4/5
Still hungry from yesterdays ride, doubled up on breakfast.

AM SNACK: 11:30am, 1 small square of good dark chocolate, hunger 3/5
I gave a gift of good Jaques Torres chocolate to a friend's mom who is the hospital, who promptly opened it and offered me some. How could I of said no? Of course after eating it I promptly got a thumping headache.

LUNCH: 12:30pm, small handful of olives, a few pieces of cured meat, roasted string beans, excellent wood-fired organic sausage pizza, hunger 3/5
Lunch at Franny's with B's family, wish I was hungrier.

PM SNACKS: 2pm-5pm, a little bit of JT chocolate here, there and 2 aspirin, hunger 3/5
Gave B's cousins kids some chocolate gifts that got spread around, then headed over to my friend Erikka's place, where she was under the weather, so I gave her the chocolate baggy I had bought for myself and had some of that, too. Common sense would dictate I would cut out the chocolate because of the headache, but instead I took 2 aspirin....mmmmm, chocolate covered aspirin!

PM SNACK: 6:30pm, small bowl of organic baby carrots with a dash of sea salt, pint of water, hunger 3/5
Headache in remission, but looking at what I ate, I see I haven't had much water. Will drink a pint right now....

DINNER: 7:15pm, pork egg roll, string beans with shrimp and brown rice, a large high quality dark chocolate bar, hunger 4/5
The brown sauce was surprisingly bland, but resisted putting more salt in this take out dish. Craving chocolate like crazy, took a bar out of the locked freezer. Looking over the day, I ate chocolate at all times during the day, but in very small quantities. This time, however, was not small. So I guess the next time I complain about how I'm not losing weight, dear reader should point me back to this entry!

Saturday, October 13

Bicycle yoga?

ADDENDA:
Woke up at 4:30am, meant to wake at 5 but was feeling a little unsettled and anxious to ride after the week I've had. Got out of the train at Yonkers and by the time I got to the trailhead, the sun was just coming up, lighting up the cliffs across the river. Taking the Old Croton Aqueduct trail means your under a tree canopy almost the whole ride, but there are a few spots where the sun breaks on a clearing....and at 8am after freezing for the first hour, finally waking up, it was glorious. I stopped to appreciate the sun, remembered that a whole bunch of the yoga stuff seemed to be in praise of living or the sun or something. So with the warm sun bathing my chilled face and chest, I put my hands together in the namaste position, raised them above an in front of my head in a good stretch, brought them down and did a few breathing exercises, where I brought my breathe in through my nose, and kinda snorted it out fast in rapid succession. Lotta snot came out (was cold), but had the desired effect of making the sun just seem a little bit....sunnier.

Drive train failed soon after I left to come back from the reservoir, walked for an hour and 20 to get to the train. Bummer about the bike and the ride, but it was a spectacular fall day, it was the best part of the scenic aqueduct trail to walk, colors starting to change, crisp air, and I lucked out and caught an express train from Croton that was running late so it skipped all stops til Manhattan! Probably the most joyous failed ride ever.

BREAKFAST: 5am, hippie crispex with good milk, hunger 3/5
A slight craving for sugar, not bad but unusual this early. New cereal from Wholefoods, an all-organic all-whole grain knockoff of Crispex

SNACK: 6am, large conventional donut, hunger 3/5
Waking up more, more sugar craving. Road to Grand Central, the good local donut shop not open yet. This donut was about 2x bigger than my local shop, and less than half the price, and being in Grand Central must pay crazy rent. OK, they sell more quantity, but I could just taste the cheapness and weird preservatives in the texture and weird overly-sweet frosting. Not very satisfactory.

SNACK: 9am, 3 small apple cider donuts, hunger 3/5
This is what I'm talkin' bout! Farmers market just opening up in Ossining, the apple people sell their own appley donuts, so yummy, you can taste the brown sugar, the whole wheat, little flecks of soft fried apple, mmmm....

SNACK: 11:30am, large handful of whole wheat unsalted pretzels, hunger 4/5
On the train home.

LUNCH: 1:30pm, beef ravioli with pesto, water, hunger 4/5
Craving sweets, want to avoid indulging till dinner. Filled, but not stuffed. Sugar would turn off my hunger, but just gonna wait.

PM SNACK: 3pm, a few handfuls of veggie booty, hunger 3/5

DINNER: 6pm, lots of bread, a few small samples of antipastos, cavatelli with hot sausage, water, 1 half glass prosecco, hunger 4/5
Went to Frankies with various members of B's family who we don't see often enough. This is where we hosted the dinner for out of towners before our wedding. One of the family-style dishes we served was this spicy cavatelli, which I didn't really like because it was too spicy. Funny thing is, I wanted it tonight because that flavor was so associated with that happy time and this restaurant - I only realized this after my first bite!

EVENING SNACK: 8pm, apple crisp with buttermilk gelato, hunger 3/5
Everyone came back to ours, nice that I could serve them a homemade dessert. The gelato, however, crystallized because the new bunker freezer is set too cold. Live and learn.

Friday, October 12

More stress

ADDENDA:
Yoga was better than the week before. Rather than be ridiculously easy with points of being ridiculously hard, it was more even in it's challenge. Moving from pose to pose, focusing on my in and out breathing almost clicked a few times - I could see myself doing it mindlessly while physically being mindful... The downward dog to plank and back, to a lunge and then standing and pointing my hands up, while measuring my breathe, something just....felt right - a little. It felt mostly awkward, and I felt very tight and inflexible.

Towards the end, we put our legs on the wall above our head, coming down into 'corpse' pose and laid there again in the dark with the 'ommm' music and the teacher went around greasing up our feet. I cleared my mind, but it didn't stay clear for long. The teacher mentioned letting yourself become heavy and join the earth....in 'corpse' pose....I thought of if I were entering the earth from wence I came, I'd be with my parents again....I was on the plains of Kansas, which took me a solid 10 days to bicycle through. It was windy in the grainfields, and the sky was dark, red and angry. There standing in front of me were my parents, standing maybe 20 feet away from me, and them standing a good 5 feet apart from each other. I conversed with them, no greetings, just like it was any other day, told them about my wedding, how well it's going with B, my new inlaws, how hard I'm working at my newish job they never got know about, they told me how they were proud of me as usual, how much they enjoyed following me on my bike trip across the states, how they were fine and were sorry they weren't around.

They were kinda shapeshifting between different ages and hairstyles that I have of them. I remember them as a child when they were in their 30s, as a teen in there 40s, as 20-something in their 50s, 30-something in their 60s. They were not fixed, they were them, only more so.

On a semi-related note, I got to work yesterday morning at 7:30 to try to get a handle on this large, unruly project. After 10 minutes I looked around, confirmed there was no one there, then wept openly, sobbing that I didn't know what the fuck I was doing. I collected myself in a couple of minutes, then charged through what I had to get through to the best of my abilities. (As the day rolled on, I realized I wasn't as lost as I thought.) That was the first time I've cried in sadness/frustration for something other than my parents since my dad died over 3 years ago. Huh.

BREAKFAST: 6:30am, good yogurt with raw cashews and honey, dirtpill, hunger 3/5

LUNCH: 1pm, big falafel sandwich on whole wheat pita, 24 oz still water, hunger 4/5
Took 30 minutes outside, day is intense and things are not resolved, but feel more at peace with it. REALLY looking forward to riding bike tomorrow.

DINNER: 7:15pm, half a bag of veggie booty, roasted curry lamb sausage with mixed fingerling potatoes, onions and mushrooms, hunger 4/5
Despite being dead tired, I cooked up this dish with all ingredients I got at the farmer's market last Saturday (save the olive oil and sea salt), and came out surprisingly good, though I got a clue how to make it better next time. Also whipped up an apple crumble for B's mom and family, who will be coming over to inspect the compound after dinner out tomorrow night...

Funny thing, the project that has been kicking my ass is only starting, but I think I'm somewhere between the ground and my foot in the saddle to pull myself up onto it. Things are good enough that I can put it out of my mind till Monday morning.

ADDENDA:
This may be the first day since the start of this blog that I didn't have desert. Bought gelato and chocolate to go with the apple crumble tomorrow, they're in the locked freezer in the 2nd bedroom, I'm just too beat to motivate....

Thursday, October 11

High Stress

BREAKFAST: 9am, handful of tatertots, 2 sausage patties, 2/3 of a crappy corn muffin, 24 oz still water, hunger 3/5
Got to work before 7:30 to focus on a large project that's been scaring the hell out of me. When I woke up at 6, felt good but stomach in a knot. After getting through some work and feeling a little more comfortable, went down to the corporate cafeteria, where the options are severe and severely limited. This is the kind of breakfast I'd eat casually before I started thinking more. Tasted out-of-control salty, and surprisingly not as satisfying as I remember. Good thing I packed a healthy lunch...

Did have a dirtpill when I woke up...

LUNCH: 1pm, superhippy bread sandwich with peanut butter, about half of the salad, hunger 4/5
At my desk, felt good that despite not having moved forward at all on this big project, I feel a bit less clueless and helpless.

PM SNACK: 5:30pm, 2 handfuls of M&Ms, hunger 4/5
As day started winding down, rushing to settle things before taking off promptly at 5:45 for yoga. Realized I was really hungry - hungry enough to eat dinner straight from work, too hungry to do yoga. With time pressure, my only option was the vending machine in the kitchen space where you pop in a quarter and turn the crank, and you get a small handful of candy. I did it 2 times, one peanut and one plain, and man did it hit the spot and keep me going - THIS is what crappy sugar can do! I really appreciated it, rather than felt compelled to eat it because of a craving. Was nice.

DINNER: 8pm, one half a large Margerita DOC, one whole small Salamino DOC, liter of perrier, hunger 4/5
I blame yoga! I blame work! I blame Betsy and her friend, who didn't come home soon enough left me in the house with 2 warm, delicious pizzas from the best local pizza joint ever, Isabella's Oven. I ate half of each pizza and ran an errand, and when I got home 20 minutes later, realized I was still pretty hungry so I finished the small. Now, this pizza has a thin thin thin crust, minimal little islands of fresh moz on a sea of bright red simple tomato sauce, not the icky bready cheesy monsters served at slice joints.

Wednesday, October 10

Mofungo would be a cool gelato flavor

ADDENDA:
Ilsa's meeting was good, we're going to focus on a little weight loss. She referenced the New York article about how exercise encourages weight gain because people don't use self control when indulging an out of control appetite. Well, Ilsa has given me a direct order to control myself when I get off the bike after a long ride.

Up till this point, the weekend is the time I kind of let loose a little and relax. But really, if I want change, I have to change, this ain't the commercial for the miracle pill where you can eat anything and still become a fitness model.

I was a little surprised at her attitude towards my yoga - basically, if you're not feeling it, don't worry, it's not for everyone. Kinda makes me want to give it a full hearing before issuing a judgement.

Ilsa spoke of kinda hitting the self control a little bit harder, using the intensity of work as kind of a lever to focus on, get my mind off, say, a WHOLE day without sweets! Insanity! Derangement! Got the lockable freezer today, I think making a pint of gelato last for a few weeks instead of a few days will be a fun challenge with B....

BREAKFAST: 6:30am, organic cornflakes with good milk, hunger 3/5
Nice that there is no corn syrup, just fructose, and the salt is sea salt.

LUNCH: 12:45pm, small pastrami sandwich with peasoup, pickle and slaw, water, hunger 4/5
Needed the comfort, and the break from the office. Sat down and forced myself to be still for 45 minutes while I finished the Animal Vegetable Miracle book, good stuff. Any book that ends with hot turkey sex (and cute lil' turkey babies) is alright in my world. Really riding the edge of overload at work, but haven't gone over the edge yet...helped that I got my ass in here a little after 7 to figure things out...

DINNER: 7:30pm, mushroom risotto, tuscan panzenella (a salad of tomatos and torn up bread), garlicy white beans and bread, water, hunger 4/5
Wanted to go home and cook, but feeling totally blown out from the day. Was supposed to go to the movies with friends, but I would of fallen asleep during it AND been stressed, so would of been no fun. Fortunately, B was coming home at the same time so we met on the street, and I made a snap decision to skip the cooking and have a nice calm meal out with my wifey. She's good for that!

Tuesday, October 9

Mofungo's name is better than it's reality.

ADDENDA:
I've forgotten to record my dirtpill consumption this past week or so, but suffice to say, I have not forgotten to take it, I guess it's just become habit that I don't think too much about. However, upon reflection (in preparation for my meeting with Ilsa tonight), I must say that I think something is definitely giving me a little more energy, feeling a bit more even, sleeping a little more sound, etc etc. I suspect it's the dirtpills (which I teasingly call that because they kinda look and taste like little compressed tablets of dirt!) but for all I know, it could be living with the sweetest woman with the biggest smile in the world....

BREAKFAST:
7:15am, good yogurt with honey, vanilla and raw cashews, dirtpill, hunger 3/5

AM SNACK: 9:30am, 24 oz still water

LUNCH: 2:45pm, large green salad, peanut butter on superhippy bread, hunger 4/5
Slammed at work, no time to eat till now, and at the computer again. At least it was from home!

DINNER: 8pm, 4 empenadas (beef, shrimp, sausage, potato), 1/2 bottle of Perrier, half bar of dark chocolate, hunger 4/5
Hungry, tired, after a long intense day at work had a relatively intense meeting with Ilsa. Wanted to go food shopping then cook, but as a pedalled, realized I needed to chill and go to sleep early. Couldn't decide what I wanted, so I thought specifically if I could eat anything in the world right now, what would it be....and it was pasties, specifically the Cornwall pasties sold at a stand in Victoria Station, London. Too tired to jump on a plane, did the next best thing and stopped by Ruben's Empenada's on 1st Ave between 7th and St. Marks. Took 'em home and reheated them, the shrimp and beef were better than I remembered, the sausage and potato were just ok. The British version has much richer and greasier dough, and sharp cheddar really makes potato come alive....

Between social plans tomorrow night and yoga Thursday, not going to be home to cook for a while. Maybe I should go crazy and pack lunch again tomorrow....

Monday, October 8

Mofungo does not reheat well.

BREAKFAST: 8am, handful of wholewheat non-salted pretzels and a little water, dirtpill, hunger 1/5
I had a wonderful 9 hour sleep, but I think the cookies sat in my stomach a little.

LUNCH: 12:30pm, large brick of food from Green Symphony, including 2 potato samosa, penne in meat sauce, and lightly dressed cold pumpkin noodles, hunger 4/5
Very busy Monday morning, ate this brick at my desk (though I know via Tamar that Ilsa frowns on this practice - but I don't do it too often.) The food was yummy and filling, lotta carbs still being craved from yesterday's exertion.

PM SNACK: 4pm, dry roasted edamame, hunger 4/5
Walked over to Green Symphony again for a non-sweet snack. Thought these would be more like peanuts, despite it saying "70% less fat and 40% more protein than peanuts". The mouth feel was kind of brittle and dry and airy, and now 20 minutes later my stomach feels really weird, so I only ate a handful. This may of been a failed experiment...

DINNER: 7:30pm, large green salad, mofungo with rice and beans and weird red sauce, quarter box of Entemenn's cookies, half a bar of very dark organic chocolate, hunger 3/5
Stomach weird and acidy since the edamame. Some of the reheated mofungo was good, but it's so heavy and dense that there was a large cold dry and fatty ball left over, big as a baseball (and probably about as nutritional, too!)

I don't know when she did it, but B went to town on the cookies sometime between last night and this morning....hrumph!

EVENING SNACK: 11pm, 2 tumms tablets
Stomach still a little acidy.

Sunday, October 7

Recovering with Mofungo

ADDENDA:
Nice ride today with my friend Erikka, about 60 miles. From Prospect Park to the Verazanno, around to Coney Island, down to the Rockaways and Breezy Point, back over through Broad Channel and back through East New York and a lot of sketchy neighborhoods.

I introduced Erikka to cycling years ago, and now she's a much stronger, faster rider than me. I took my fully-geared roadbike and she road fixed single-speed, and still moved faster than me with more energy by the end. It was fun to ride a little outside my comfort zone, though it was probably a little slow for her.

Hot day, weirdly summer-like. Drank over 150 oz. of water through out the ride.

BREAKFAST: 7:30am, half a good organic dark chocolate bar with salt-free peanut butter, hunger 3/5
Hang-over sweets desire from the night before.

SNACK #1: 9:15am, 1 and a half good donuts from the local shop, hunger 4/5
Imported the donuts to Brooklyn to help us start off right.

SNACK #2: 10:30, handful of cheese fries from Nathans, hunger 3/5
Erikka needed to eat at Coney, so she went to Nathans and got cheese fries and a huuuge diet coke. As she smoked her cigarette, I thought it cool that despite our radically different approaches to eating (not to mention bike nutrition), we're pretty much BFFs.

SNACK #3: Noon, handful of saltless wholewheat pretzels, hunger 3/5

LUNCH: 1:30pm, BLT on whole wheat bagel, small side of macaroni salad, water, bite of breaded chicken cutlet, swig of diet coke, hunger 3/5
Erikka was chowing down on an overstuffed chicken cutlet sandwich, so I had a bite. It was OK, but it reconfirmed my taste opinion that chicken is pointless. She was on her 2nd huge diet coke, which made me think that only 3 months or so ago I'd totally be there with her, enjoying a bottle with her. So I had some of hers, swished it around my mouth and grimaced. It was pleasantly sweet, but over-carbonated and tasted so acidy. Yik! I guess I could relearn to like this stuff....but why would I want to?

DINNER: 6pm, breaded shrimp with yellow rice and black beans, mofungo with spicy red sauce, full bottle of pelegrino
Ordered in from the local Spanish restaurant, heavy but suited the mood perfectly. Mofungo is so weird but so yummy - it's mashed plantains with lots of garlic and pork skin. VERY heavy. Lots of mofungo left over, good for dinner tomorrow... Kind of want sweet, but none in the house.

EVENING SNACK: 7:30pm, about half a large box of Entemann's chocolate chip cookies, water.
Went out and got some. I need to stock some frozen cookie dough so to avoid eating boxed stuff in the future.

I think I should have an 8pm sweets curfew...

Saturday, October 6

Saturday and trying to get things done

BREAKFAST: 6:45am, yogurt with raw cashews, hunger 3/5

LUNCH: 12:15pm, 3 pancakes and low sodium bacon, hunger 4/5
Made new batch of mix, used the unprocessed succanat as the sweetener, weird, but good.

PM SNACK: 3:30pm, small amount of gelato, hunger 3/5

DINNER: 5:30pm, tofu and mungbean pancake appetizers, pumpkin noodle, grilled todok and asparagus with multi grain rice, water, hunger 4/5
Vegan Korean food with B&T. Skipped dessert because T won't eat any after 6pm. Between the meal starting before 6 AND a weekend, I think T should indulged, but I think Ilsa may of already inoculated her against my sinful ways....so me & B skipped desert too.

EVENING SNACK: 11pm, 2 pieces whole wheat toast with hummus, bowl of organic cornflakes with good milk, hunger 4/5
Hungry and desiring sweets, but didn't want to stay up.