Passover, Round 1

ADDENDA:
Went to a yoga basics class this morning tought by the HVS, who is somewhere near the end of her training. Hot n' sweaty, the yoga was excellent though the music was a bit....well, that's a rant for a different kind of blog. Went to the farmer's market before hand to pick up some ingredients for an apple crisp to take along tonight to my cousin's seder.

BREAKFAST: 7:45am, granola with good milk, 1 bowl, hunger 4/5

AM SNACK: 10am, 2 small pieces of pizza, .5 bowl, hunger 4/5
Mediocre pizza leftovers from B's Broadway East meal

LUNCH: 1:15am, pork fried rice, shrimp eggroll, 1.5 bowls, hunger 4/5
It would have just been another buck to get the brick and have it delivered, but don't feel like being sick all Passover. Walked out and got a pint of rice. I guess I'm needing the comfort of it, as this afternoon I'll be with relatives I haven't spent time with in years.

DINNER: 6:30pm, matzoh, 1/2 glass wine, diet coke, seltzer, haroset w/ horseradish, gefilte fish, matzoh ball soup, 5 sweet meatballs, chicken breast w/stuffing, mashed potatoes, salad, broccoli kugel, small piece of apple crisp, 1 chocolate macaroon, 2.5 bowls, hunger 4/5
Went to a cousin's house deep in the dark heart of New Jersey, haven't been to his seder since my parents passed away. It was nice to be able to go with B and have her meet a bunch of people who knew my parents pretty well. I was always a rather shy child, and had my parents to hide behind - many of these people who I've known since I was a baby I've had very few words with - tonight I perhaps doubled the amount of conversation I had with them. It was nice.

Being a seder, there was the pomp and ceremony but it was all about the food in the end. A few dishes were brought by guests were home made, but the majority of the meal was catered - it's a shame, my father and his brother would cook everything from scratch, and it would show. A perfect example were these meatballs in a tomato/ketchup sauce, originally made by my Aunt Vivian, now made by another cousin - no pork in the meatballs, matzoh meal as a filler, ketchup used in both the meat ball AND the sauce....and the sauce is sweet....should be gross, but were absolutely fantastic, like Jewwy Swedish meatballs. The food was good, the banter with my cousin was in the style of my parents, but my food memory recalls something a little bit more....weird tasting. Is it because I'm an adult? I ate the "bitter herb" dipped in salt water for the first time in my life, usually I'd shove it under the plate, he he.

Then again, if I was holding a seder for 24 people, I'd cater it too! A Wildman tradition is to serve hard boiled eggs and crack the egg over a loved one's head. Fortunately, Betsy's skull was quite firm and ready for the task.

I'm Bringing the Water Bottle Back

ADDENDA:
It's weirdly stressful being at the office, despite it being fun, cool peeps, and getting paid two weeks salary for 8 hours of work on top of my severance. There are things I will miss, though this being the beginning of the presentation season, I might get a few more cracks at bat by March.

BREAKFAST: 7:15am, organic wholegrain chex with good milk, hunger 3/5

BP 8:15am, 138/88
High, I wonder if this is because of the meal I just ate, because I'm tired and feeling weird about spending the day in the office today, or that maybe I'm a little dehydrated.

AM WATERING: 9:15am, 24 oz still
Brought my water bottle back, a comforting totem.

LUNCH: 11am, turkey & Swiss sandwich, bag of potato chips, hunger 4/5
Got really hungry. Limited options on a Saturday in Times Square. Went into McDonalds with the idea of a veggie burger and fries, but when I got to the counter, I just felt....repulsed.

PM SNACK: 12:30, piece of garlic bread, 1 french fry, hunger 3/5
Coworkers chowing down.

PM SNACK: 2:30, slice of pizza with all sorts of crap on it, hunger 3/5
Left over pizza, feeling nibbly. Not very good.

PM SNACK: 6pm, a few bits of homemade roasted potatoes, hunger 4/5

DINNER: 7:30pm, 100 year old duck egg & ginger, pork dumplings, weird bbq pork chops, beef with noodles, salt & pepper whole fried shrimp, odd sauteed Chinese greens, tea, chocolate pan dan ice cream, hunger 4/5
Went to Chinatown with my friend Yana, who is Chinese herself. Went to a random place with minimal English and no white people inside (myself excepted) and she spoke to the waiter to send us stuff off the menu. A few times during their conversation they glanced at me and pointed at me, afterwards she said he was suggesting stuff that white people don't like. The 100 year old egg was a stretch, it looked a bit gruesome, but was surprisingly pleasant in it's contrasting bitterness and smooth custardy texture. We went to the Ice Cream Factory, 2nd time this week for me, and I had Chocolate Pan Dan, which had a wonderfully pleasant tone of coconut and peanuts.

I have always thought, Cheese & Onions

ADDENDA:
Woke up and got on the bike up to 57th Street to meet Katya at a gallery for an performance installation. Basically you walk into a bare room with white walls with a bunch of people sitting around on the floor. When someone walks in, they chant in unison, "ooooooOOOMMM WELCOOOOOMMMME" then recite a few quotes and start conversing. It was all very collegiate, until they unnerved us by asking, "What do YOU think?" I felt like I was back in college in a sociology graduate class, caught once again not fully paying attention.

But I had brought a small sack o' donuts and had a nice walk into Central Park sharing them. Katya works freelance and has a flexible schedule.

BREAKFAST: 8:15am, bowl of organic cheerios with good milk, hunger 3/5

AM SNACK: 10:30am, 2 halves of 2 really good donuts, hunger 4/5

LUNCH: 2pm, 2 glorious grilled superhippy cheese & onion sandwiches, 24 oz still water, hunger 4/5
I went to Brooklyn with Katya and we walked around a bit. After she split, I realized I was close to home and would be foolish to pass up the chance to cook, as I'm already obliged to eat Chinese tonight. Katya said she had packed a cheese sandwich for lunch, which inspired me.

So when I got home, I looked on line for a grilled cheese recipe, which made me feel silly in it's simplicity. But they say ya can throw on tomato, you can throw on bacon, you can throw on...ONIONS!!.....

I have always thought
In the back of my mind, Cheese and Onions
I have always thought
That the world was unkind, Cheese and Onions
Do I have to spell it out?
C-H-E-E-S-E-A-N-D-O-N-I-O-N-S-Oh no
My machine
Keep yourself clean
I'll be a has-been
Like a dinosaur
My device
For everything nice
You better think twice
At least once more

What a great song....anyway, I ended up using all greenmarket ingredients, superhippy bread and raw milk funky cheese (with caraway seeds in it), on a grill pan wedding gift with top-shelf grass-fed butter.

I've never been a fan of grilled cheese, my mom would make it with crappy crumbly white bread, American cheese and margarine. Restaurant versions are usually unpleasantly greasy and overly cheesy. My sandwiches, my lord, the dense bread took the butter and grill marks perfectly, the onions added a pleasant sweet note and the cheese (which I only had a little left) was more than enough with it's bold flavor.

Feel good but still finding my footing. Consulting with Ilsa tonight, she's my nutritionist but only source of any sort of therapy. I guess if I'm serious about culinary passions, it makes sense to consult my nutritionist for perspective!

DINNER: 8pm, roast pork & broc, beef in oyster sauce, shrimp with cashews, sauteed string beans, veg fried rice, water, a little tea, 1 fortune cookie, cup of almond ice cream, hunger 4/5
Went to a traditional Chinese restaurant with B and my cousin Iddo, Mandarin Court. The last time I ate there was with my parents and brother. Today was the 2nd anniversary of my mother's passing. Fortunately, with recent goings on in my professional life, I haven't dwelled on it too much.

Food was kinda crappy, but a fitting meal with lots of memories associated with it. I miss my parents.

All Day Breakfast

ADDENDA:
Woke after 10 hours of weird dreams and felt terrible. Spent a few hours in the bath with the Sunday paper and realized I was in no shape to go to yoga at noon. Cooked pancakes and couldn't move far from the couch. After pistachios, fell asleep on the couch and missed a Grand Street News event at 4pm, which B woke me up for...at 3:55.

Why did I eat that brick o' Chinese last night, when I wasn't even that hungry? Partially because I felt like I needed a proper third meal but my kitchen is too jammed up with supplies for tomorrow night's office-cum-house party to cook anything healthy. Partially because it's a personal ultimate comfort food. Partially after a crazed weekend in Las Vegas and an upsetting week at work, just needed that calming familiarity.

BRUNCH: 12:30pm, pancakes and bacon, hunger 4/5

PM SNACK: 2:30pm. handful of unsalted shelled pistachios, hunger 4/5

PM SNACK: 4:30pm, toasted onion bagel with good butter, hunger 4/5

DINNER-LIKE SNACK: 6:30pm, a few meatballs on toothpicks, 1/2 a cosmo, 2 cups of seltzer, small portion of homemade mac n' cheese, two squares of weirdly greasy cheese n' onions on white bread toast, 2 fistfuls of crappy Hershey's kisses, hunger 3/5
Holiday party at a friend of B's, known for it's drinks-over-food policy, so this year I brought a tray of mac n' cheese. Tasted a bit bland to me, but will pump it up next time I make it....which will be tomorrow. This is the third time I've been to this party, definitely enjoyed it the most - this particular clutch of B's femmy friends are actually pretty cool.

Chillin' Out Saturday

BREAKFAST: 10am, good yogurt with nuts, honey, vanilla, hunger 4/5

LUNCH: 1:30pm, sweet sausage torteloni and 3-cheese tortellini with homemade tomato sauce, grated parm, large glass of water, 1 oz dark chocolate, hunger 4/5

PM SNACK: 6:30pm, handful of baby carrots with peanut butter, hunger 4/5

PM SNACK: 7pm, handful of tortilla chips with fresh salsa, hunger 4/5

DINNER: 9pm, brick o' Chinese, hunger 3/5
Thought I was hungrier than I was, but finished the brick anyway. What's going on here?

Unhealthy Day

ADDENDA:
Forgot to eat anything sweet! But I ate crappily, so that makes up for it...

BREAKFAST: 7am, organic cornflakes with good milk, hunger 4/5

PM SNACK: 1:30pm, popcorn, hunger 4/5

PM SNACK: 4:00pm, 1 crappy slice of pizza, hunger 4/5
Got two slices at Sullivan & Spring, but could only finish one. The cheese was an oily mess, the sauce was bland, and the crust was both limp and crumbly. Betsy thought it was fine, but I thought if I'm going to eat unhealthy junk, I should at least enjoy it.

PM SNACK: 6:30pm, large amount of baby carrots with freshly made hummus, hunger 4/5

DINNER: 7:30pm, brick o' Chinese food, hunger 4/5
Now this is the unhealthy comfort food that pleases....

Donut Disaster of a Different Order

BREAKFAST: 6:30am, organic brown rice crispies and good milk, hunger 3/5
I got the salted version, still not very good.

AM WATERING: 7:15am, 24 oz still water

AM SNACK: 10am, 1.5 vegan donuts, 1 small piece of baklava, hunger 4/5
Brought these in for T and coworkers, not very impressed with them (the donuts, that is) but after hauling them around the city since last night, had to try. Gosh, is that my sweet for the day?! Disaster!

LUNCH: 1pm, brick o' samosas, brown rice, pumpkin noodles and curry veg, hunger 4/5
Quick eats as I pumped out freelance work over my lunch.

PM SNACK: 4pm, conventional brownie, hunger 4/5
Falling asleep, needed sugar, felt cranky. Was a quick pickmeup and got me through till 6:30, but felt really shlocky after.

DINNER: 8:30pm, BBQ ribs and fried rice, egg roll, seltzer, cupcake, hunger 4/5
Tired, cranky, feeling bad about spoiling date night with B, needed comfort food. Wasn't planning on more sweets, but B brought them in special just for cranky little me. Thought of how much fun it was ordering Chinese food with my parents, the ceremony of walking down the street with my dad to pick it up because the tip for delivery seemed like a waste of money. I really enjoyed those little walks, then coming back and my mom set the table, like that's the equivalent of cooking!

Oh Beloved Street Slice, you've changed. I don't think I love you anymore.

ADDENDA:
When I lived in England for a year abroad as a college junior in 1992, I really didn't know what I was in for, food wise. I had only heard the stories about the horridness of English food, never experienced it. As a Jew from NYC, Chinese food was simply some of the best, cheapest filling and tasty food around.

So when I went to the local Chinese in Uxbridge, West London, and ordered a pint of fried rice, I was shocked, horrified and saddened when it dawned on my that Chinese food as I knew it would not be on the cards for my year abroad. The fried rice was soft and white, free of the browning of the soy sauce, and instead of yummy bit of fried onion and scallion and vegetable, this rice was chock full of....canned cubed carrots and canned peas! Yuuuuuk! Fortunately, soon after I learned that Indian food was the British equivalent of NYC Chinese takeout, and started a life long love for it.

I've had a life-long love for street slices (a.k.a. streetza) that I think just died today....sure, Times Square 'za is a crappier example than a my local slice shop, but still, it's all the same animal....

BREAKFAST: 6:30am, 2 saltless wholewheat pretzel, dirtpill, pint of seltzer, hunger 1/5
Stomach tight and on the edge of nausea, probably a mixture of chocolate hangover and nervousness about work. Got good 7 hours sleep, feeling more optimistic than not.

AM WATERING: 7:30am, 24 oz still water

LUNCH #1: Noon, large plastic clamshell full of cold pumpkin noodles and mushrooms, hunger 4.5/5
Almost fell into the too-hungry-to-think well, ate this during a meeting. At least from Green Symphony, kinda healthyish.

LUNCH #2: 2:15pm, crappy slice of pizza, hunger 4/5
Went back to green symphony to get some samosas to walk with, but they didn't have any. Haven't had a street slice in months and months, so stopped in a touristy Times Square slice shop. I used to subscribe to the axiom that pizza is like sex - even if it ain't that good, it's pretty good. Not anymore. This pizza's crust was a little too dry and crumbly with no chew, the sauce had a weird rancid tang to it, and the blanket of yellowy greasy cheese didn't taste anything like real mozz, more like de-flavored glue. And the thing is, I remember a Times Square street slice tasting like this, but somehow appealing.

Like diet coke, I guess I could teach myself to like this again, but why would I want to?

PM SNACK: 3:30pm, 7 dunkin' donut munchkins, hunger 4/5
Aiiigh! I was assisting my ppt specialist in the office of a VP, and this secretary came in and force fed me donut holes!! OK, she didn't, but they came to life and jumped down my throat. Hour later, slight head ache. Gonna try to make this my solitary sweet today...

PM SNACK: 6pm, 1.5 chocolate chip cookies, hunger 4/5
The problem with going to a supermarket hungry is when they have a tray of free cookies out there, it's hard to resist.

DINNER: 8pm, fresh fish sticks with forbidden rice, organic baby carrots with a little hummus, hunger 4/5
As an experiment, got pre-cooked fish chunks lightly breaded from Wholefoods, better than the super processed frozen stuff, but just not that fresh, would be better if I breaded and fried it myself. Betsy didn't like it at all. The black rice was kinda good, but bland, maybe I should of used stock, but then it would of been so salty.

Bought a tub of cinnamon gelato, and I successfully resisted eating any, and while B insisted on having some, I was able to go into the locked freezer and dole her out a single scoop. I was tempted to chow down on it right them and there, but after the munchkins and the cookies, I really didn't want to have to write about feeling guilty and lard-assed.

Chocolate Covered Aspirins

ADDENDA:
I definitely lost focus on what I spoke with Ilsa this past week, about curbing my appetite after riding - but I only road 20 miles or so, not really a real super-appetite inducing exertion, but enough to rev it up a bit. I think I AM comfortable enough to start paying attention more to what I eat on the weekends, rather than take that time 'off' from any restrictions. Still no fries or chips, one desert a day, eat more home cooked stuff than out (though I suspect all 3 meals today will be eaten out due to family and social obligations!)

BREAKFAST: 8am, onion bagel with butter and hummus, good yogurt with honey and vanilla, hunger 4/5
Still hungry from yesterdays ride, doubled up on breakfast.

AM SNACK: 11:30am, 1 small square of good dark chocolate, hunger 3/5
I gave a gift of good Jaques Torres chocolate to a friend's mom who is the hospital, who promptly opened it and offered me some. How could I of said no? Of course after eating it I promptly got a thumping headache.

LUNCH: 12:30pm, small handful of olives, a few pieces of cured meat, roasted string beans, excellent wood-fired organic sausage pizza, hunger 3/5
Lunch at Franny's with B's family, wish I was hungrier.

PM SNACKS: 2pm-5pm, a little bit of JT chocolate here, there and 2 aspirin, hunger 3/5
Gave B's cousins kids some chocolate gifts that got spread around, then headed over to my friend Erikka's place, where she was under the weather, so I gave her the chocolate baggy I had bought for myself and had some of that, too. Common sense would dictate I would cut out the chocolate because of the headache, but instead I took 2 aspirin....mmmmm, chocolate covered aspirin!

PM SNACK: 6:30pm, small bowl of organic baby carrots with a dash of sea salt, pint of water, hunger 3/5
Headache in remission, but looking at what I ate, I see I haven't had much water. Will drink a pint right now....

DINNER: 7:15pm, pork egg roll, string beans with shrimp and brown rice, a large high quality dark chocolate bar, hunger 4/5
The brown sauce was surprisingly bland, but resisted putting more salt in this take out dish. Craving chocolate like crazy, took a bar out of the locked freezer. Looking over the day, I ate chocolate at all times during the day, but in very small quantities. This time, however, was not small. So I guess the next time I complain about how I'm not losing weight, dear reader should point me back to this entry!

Not ill, not better

ADDENDA:
Symptoms retreated, tried to go to work this morning and realized despite Nyquil-sleep, was totally out of proverbial gas. Been sleeping all day, no energy. Eating more, but not much.

I just watched literally 24 hours of television. I am now watching a food-channel show about diners, and one in particular whose specialty is the "garbage plate". God bless America's food culture!

BREAKFAST: 8am, toasted whole wheat bagel with a little bit of peanut butter, pint of still water, hunger 2/5
Thought I was going to work, but after eating this, felt woozy and hazy. Promptly emailed work then napped till 11.

AM SNACK: 11am, 3 graham crackers with chocolate hazelnut butter, hunger 3/5

LUNCH: 3pm, shrimp toast, pint of beef lomein, hunger 4/5
Haven't indulged in take-out Chinese in a while, used to be a weekly standard. This is total comfort food, food that would be an anytime-special occasion for my parents and I. Despite the sodium horror show, it just makes me a little more comfortable coming out of an illness.

DINNER: 7pm, 4 vegetable dumpling, diet black cherry soda, hunger 3/5
Left over from lunch, the dumplings had weird pockets of intense saltiness, I had to just stop. Tired of water, washed it down with a Boylan's, which I intend not to buy again, but feel wasteful just throwing them away.

PM SNACK: 8:15pm, about 10 halves of Jaques Torres dark-chocolate ganaches, hunger 3/5
B had a surprise bachelorette party last night - pedicures, penis-shaped head-gear and what ever else ladies do on these things. One of her friends, however, gave her a nicely-sized box of good chocolates. So when B got back from chores (returning more gifts, getting a makeup test), she sat on the edge of the couch I've been prone on for the last 3 days. She opened the box, ate about half of each one by one, named the flavor and gave me her feedback, then put it down for me to gobble. It was kinda like a scene out of a light romance, only not corny. I don't think I could ask for a better partner to watch out for me. I love you Betsygirl!