Saturday, October 13

Bicycle yoga?

ADDENDA:
Woke up at 4:30am, meant to wake at 5 but was feeling a little unsettled and anxious to ride after the week I've had. Got out of the train at Yonkers and by the time I got to the trailhead, the sun was just coming up, lighting up the cliffs across the river. Taking the Old Croton Aqueduct trail means your under a tree canopy almost the whole ride, but there are a few spots where the sun breaks on a clearing....and at 8am after freezing for the first hour, finally waking up, it was glorious. I stopped to appreciate the sun, remembered that a whole bunch of the yoga stuff seemed to be in praise of living or the sun or something. So with the warm sun bathing my chilled face and chest, I put my hands together in the namaste position, raised them above an in front of my head in a good stretch, brought them down and did a few breathing exercises, where I brought my breathe in through my nose, and kinda snorted it out fast in rapid succession. Lotta snot came out (was cold), but had the desired effect of making the sun just seem a little bit....sunnier.

Drive train failed soon after I left to come back from the reservoir, walked for an hour and 20 to get to the train. Bummer about the bike and the ride, but it was a spectacular fall day, it was the best part of the scenic aqueduct trail to walk, colors starting to change, crisp air, and I lucked out and caught an express train from Croton that was running late so it skipped all stops til Manhattan! Probably the most joyous failed ride ever.

BREAKFAST: 5am, hippie crispex with good milk, hunger 3/5
A slight craving for sugar, not bad but unusual this early. New cereal from Wholefoods, an all-organic all-whole grain knockoff of Crispex

SNACK: 6am, large conventional donut, hunger 3/5
Waking up more, more sugar craving. Road to Grand Central, the good local donut shop not open yet. This donut was about 2x bigger than my local shop, and less than half the price, and being in Grand Central must pay crazy rent. OK, they sell more quantity, but I could just taste the cheapness and weird preservatives in the texture and weird overly-sweet frosting. Not very satisfactory.

SNACK: 9am, 3 small apple cider donuts, hunger 3/5
This is what I'm talkin' bout! Farmers market just opening up in Ossining, the apple people sell their own appley donuts, so yummy, you can taste the brown sugar, the whole wheat, little flecks of soft fried apple, mmmm....

SNACK: 11:30am, large handful of whole wheat unsalted pretzels, hunger 4/5
On the train home.

LUNCH: 1:30pm, beef ravioli with pesto, water, hunger 4/5
Craving sweets, want to avoid indulging till dinner. Filled, but not stuffed. Sugar would turn off my hunger, but just gonna wait.

PM SNACK: 3pm, a few handfuls of veggie booty, hunger 3/5

DINNER: 6pm, lots of bread, a few small samples of antipastos, cavatelli with hot sausage, water, 1 half glass prosecco, hunger 4/5
Went to Frankies with various members of B's family who we don't see often enough. This is where we hosted the dinner for out of towners before our wedding. One of the family-style dishes we served was this spicy cavatelli, which I didn't really like because it was too spicy. Funny thing is, I wanted it tonight because that flavor was so associated with that happy time and this restaurant - I only realized this after my first bite!

EVENING SNACK: 8pm, apple crisp with buttermilk gelato, hunger 3/5
Everyone came back to ours, nice that I could serve them a homemade dessert. The gelato, however, crystallized because the new bunker freezer is set too cold. Live and learn.

Friday, October 12

More stress

ADDENDA:
Yoga was better than the week before. Rather than be ridiculously easy with points of being ridiculously hard, it was more even in it's challenge. Moving from pose to pose, focusing on my in and out breathing almost clicked a few times - I could see myself doing it mindlessly while physically being mindful... The downward dog to plank and back, to a lunge and then standing and pointing my hands up, while measuring my breathe, something just....felt right - a little. It felt mostly awkward, and I felt very tight and inflexible.

Towards the end, we put our legs on the wall above our head, coming down into 'corpse' pose and laid there again in the dark with the 'ommm' music and the teacher went around greasing up our feet. I cleared my mind, but it didn't stay clear for long. The teacher mentioned letting yourself become heavy and join the earth....in 'corpse' pose....I thought of if I were entering the earth from wence I came, I'd be with my parents again....I was on the plains of Kansas, which took me a solid 10 days to bicycle through. It was windy in the grainfields, and the sky was dark, red and angry. There standing in front of me were my parents, standing maybe 20 feet away from me, and them standing a good 5 feet apart from each other. I conversed with them, no greetings, just like it was any other day, told them about my wedding, how well it's going with B, my new inlaws, how hard I'm working at my newish job they never got know about, they told me how they were proud of me as usual, how much they enjoyed following me on my bike trip across the states, how they were fine and were sorry they weren't around.

They were kinda shapeshifting between different ages and hairstyles that I have of them. I remember them as a child when they were in their 30s, as a teen in there 40s, as 20-something in their 50s, 30-something in their 60s. They were not fixed, they were them, only more so.

On a semi-related note, I got to work yesterday morning at 7:30 to try to get a handle on this large, unruly project. After 10 minutes I looked around, confirmed there was no one there, then wept openly, sobbing that I didn't know what the fuck I was doing. I collected myself in a couple of minutes, then charged through what I had to get through to the best of my abilities. (As the day rolled on, I realized I wasn't as lost as I thought.) That was the first time I've cried in sadness/frustration for something other than my parents since my dad died over 3 years ago. Huh.

BREAKFAST: 6:30am, good yogurt with raw cashews and honey, dirtpill, hunger 3/5

LUNCH: 1pm, big falafel sandwich on whole wheat pita, 24 oz still water, hunger 4/5
Took 30 minutes outside, day is intense and things are not resolved, but feel more at peace with it. REALLY looking forward to riding bike tomorrow.

DINNER: 7:15pm, half a bag of veggie booty, roasted curry lamb sausage with mixed fingerling potatoes, onions and mushrooms, hunger 4/5
Despite being dead tired, I cooked up this dish with all ingredients I got at the farmer's market last Saturday (save the olive oil and sea salt), and came out surprisingly good, though I got a clue how to make it better next time. Also whipped up an apple crumble for B's mom and family, who will be coming over to inspect the compound after dinner out tomorrow night...

Funny thing, the project that has been kicking my ass is only starting, but I think I'm somewhere between the ground and my foot in the saddle to pull myself up onto it. Things are good enough that I can put it out of my mind till Monday morning.

ADDENDA:
This may be the first day since the start of this blog that I didn't have desert. Bought gelato and chocolate to go with the apple crumble tomorrow, they're in the locked freezer in the 2nd bedroom, I'm just too beat to motivate....

Thursday, October 11

High Stress

BREAKFAST: 9am, handful of tatertots, 2 sausage patties, 2/3 of a crappy corn muffin, 24 oz still water, hunger 3/5
Got to work before 7:30 to focus on a large project that's been scaring the hell out of me. When I woke up at 6, felt good but stomach in a knot. After getting through some work and feeling a little more comfortable, went down to the corporate cafeteria, where the options are severe and severely limited. This is the kind of breakfast I'd eat casually before I started thinking more. Tasted out-of-control salty, and surprisingly not as satisfying as I remember. Good thing I packed a healthy lunch...

Did have a dirtpill when I woke up...

LUNCH: 1pm, superhippy bread sandwich with peanut butter, about half of the salad, hunger 4/5
At my desk, felt good that despite not having moved forward at all on this big project, I feel a bit less clueless and helpless.

PM SNACK: 5:30pm, 2 handfuls of M&Ms, hunger 4/5
As day started winding down, rushing to settle things before taking off promptly at 5:45 for yoga. Realized I was really hungry - hungry enough to eat dinner straight from work, too hungry to do yoga. With time pressure, my only option was the vending machine in the kitchen space where you pop in a quarter and turn the crank, and you get a small handful of candy. I did it 2 times, one peanut and one plain, and man did it hit the spot and keep me going - THIS is what crappy sugar can do! I really appreciated it, rather than felt compelled to eat it because of a craving. Was nice.

DINNER: 8pm, one half a large Margerita DOC, one whole small Salamino DOC, liter of perrier, hunger 4/5
I blame yoga! I blame work! I blame Betsy and her friend, who didn't come home soon enough left me in the house with 2 warm, delicious pizzas from the best local pizza joint ever, Isabella's Oven. I ate half of each pizza and ran an errand, and when I got home 20 minutes later, realized I was still pretty hungry so I finished the small. Now, this pizza has a thin thin thin crust, minimal little islands of fresh moz on a sea of bright red simple tomato sauce, not the icky bready cheesy monsters served at slice joints.

Wednesday, October 10

Mofungo would be a cool gelato flavor

ADDENDA:
Ilsa's meeting was good, we're going to focus on a little weight loss. She referenced the New York article about how exercise encourages weight gain because people don't use self control when indulging an out of control appetite. Well, Ilsa has given me a direct order to control myself when I get off the bike after a long ride.

Up till this point, the weekend is the time I kind of let loose a little and relax. But really, if I want change, I have to change, this ain't the commercial for the miracle pill where you can eat anything and still become a fitness model.

I was a little surprised at her attitude towards my yoga - basically, if you're not feeling it, don't worry, it's not for everyone. Kinda makes me want to give it a full hearing before issuing a judgement.

Ilsa spoke of kinda hitting the self control a little bit harder, using the intensity of work as kind of a lever to focus on, get my mind off, say, a WHOLE day without sweets! Insanity! Derangement! Got the lockable freezer today, I think making a pint of gelato last for a few weeks instead of a few days will be a fun challenge with B....

BREAKFAST: 6:30am, organic cornflakes with good milk, hunger 3/5
Nice that there is no corn syrup, just fructose, and the salt is sea salt.

LUNCH: 12:45pm, small pastrami sandwich with peasoup, pickle and slaw, water, hunger 4/5
Needed the comfort, and the break from the office. Sat down and forced myself to be still for 45 minutes while I finished the Animal Vegetable Miracle book, good stuff. Any book that ends with hot turkey sex (and cute lil' turkey babies) is alright in my world. Really riding the edge of overload at work, but haven't gone over the edge yet...helped that I got my ass in here a little after 7 to figure things out...

DINNER: 7:30pm, mushroom risotto, tuscan panzenella (a salad of tomatos and torn up bread), garlicy white beans and bread, water, hunger 4/5
Wanted to go home and cook, but feeling totally blown out from the day. Was supposed to go to the movies with friends, but I would of fallen asleep during it AND been stressed, so would of been no fun. Fortunately, B was coming home at the same time so we met on the street, and I made a snap decision to skip the cooking and have a nice calm meal out with my wifey. She's good for that!

Tuesday, October 9

Mofungo's name is better than it's reality.

ADDENDA:
I've forgotten to record my dirtpill consumption this past week or so, but suffice to say, I have not forgotten to take it, I guess it's just become habit that I don't think too much about. However, upon reflection (in preparation for my meeting with Ilsa tonight), I must say that I think something is definitely giving me a little more energy, feeling a bit more even, sleeping a little more sound, etc etc. I suspect it's the dirtpills (which I teasingly call that because they kinda look and taste like little compressed tablets of dirt!) but for all I know, it could be living with the sweetest woman with the biggest smile in the world....

BREAKFAST:
7:15am, good yogurt with honey, vanilla and raw cashews, dirtpill, hunger 3/5

AM SNACK: 9:30am, 24 oz still water

LUNCH: 2:45pm, large green salad, peanut butter on superhippy bread, hunger 4/5
Slammed at work, no time to eat till now, and at the computer again. At least it was from home!

DINNER: 8pm, 4 empenadas (beef, shrimp, sausage, potato), 1/2 bottle of Perrier, half bar of dark chocolate, hunger 4/5
Hungry, tired, after a long intense day at work had a relatively intense meeting with Ilsa. Wanted to go food shopping then cook, but as a pedalled, realized I needed to chill and go to sleep early. Couldn't decide what I wanted, so I thought specifically if I could eat anything in the world right now, what would it be....and it was pasties, specifically the Cornwall pasties sold at a stand in Victoria Station, London. Too tired to jump on a plane, did the next best thing and stopped by Ruben's Empenada's on 1st Ave between 7th and St. Marks. Took 'em home and reheated them, the shrimp and beef were better than I remembered, the sausage and potato were just ok. The British version has much richer and greasier dough, and sharp cheddar really makes potato come alive....

Between social plans tomorrow night and yoga Thursday, not going to be home to cook for a while. Maybe I should go crazy and pack lunch again tomorrow....

Monday, October 8

Mofungo does not reheat well.

BREAKFAST: 8am, handful of wholewheat non-salted pretzels and a little water, dirtpill, hunger 1/5
I had a wonderful 9 hour sleep, but I think the cookies sat in my stomach a little.

LUNCH: 12:30pm, large brick of food from Green Symphony, including 2 potato samosa, penne in meat sauce, and lightly dressed cold pumpkin noodles, hunger 4/5
Very busy Monday morning, ate this brick at my desk (though I know via Tamar that Ilsa frowns on this practice - but I don't do it too often.) The food was yummy and filling, lotta carbs still being craved from yesterday's exertion.

PM SNACK: 4pm, dry roasted edamame, hunger 4/5
Walked over to Green Symphony again for a non-sweet snack. Thought these would be more like peanuts, despite it saying "70% less fat and 40% more protein than peanuts". The mouth feel was kind of brittle and dry and airy, and now 20 minutes later my stomach feels really weird, so I only ate a handful. This may of been a failed experiment...

DINNER: 7:30pm, large green salad, mofungo with rice and beans and weird red sauce, quarter box of Entemenn's cookies, half a bar of very dark organic chocolate, hunger 3/5
Stomach weird and acidy since the edamame. Some of the reheated mofungo was good, but it's so heavy and dense that there was a large cold dry and fatty ball left over, big as a baseball (and probably about as nutritional, too!)

I don't know when she did it, but B went to town on the cookies sometime between last night and this morning....hrumph!

EVENING SNACK: 11pm, 2 tumms tablets
Stomach still a little acidy.

Sunday, October 7

Recovering with Mofungo

ADDENDA:
Nice ride today with my friend Erikka, about 60 miles. From Prospect Park to the Verazanno, around to Coney Island, down to the Rockaways and Breezy Point, back over through Broad Channel and back through East New York and a lot of sketchy neighborhoods.

I introduced Erikka to cycling years ago, and now she's a much stronger, faster rider than me. I took my fully-geared roadbike and she road fixed single-speed, and still moved faster than me with more energy by the end. It was fun to ride a little outside my comfort zone, though it was probably a little slow for her.

Hot day, weirdly summer-like. Drank over 150 oz. of water through out the ride.

BREAKFAST: 7:30am, half a good organic dark chocolate bar with salt-free peanut butter, hunger 3/5
Hang-over sweets desire from the night before.

SNACK #1: 9:15am, 1 and a half good donuts from the local shop, hunger 4/5
Imported the donuts to Brooklyn to help us start off right.

SNACK #2: 10:30, handful of cheese fries from Nathans, hunger 3/5
Erikka needed to eat at Coney, so she went to Nathans and got cheese fries and a huuuge diet coke. As she smoked her cigarette, I thought it cool that despite our radically different approaches to eating (not to mention bike nutrition), we're pretty much BFFs.

SNACK #3: Noon, handful of saltless wholewheat pretzels, hunger 3/5

LUNCH: 1:30pm, BLT on whole wheat bagel, small side of macaroni salad, water, bite of breaded chicken cutlet, swig of diet coke, hunger 3/5
Erikka was chowing down on an overstuffed chicken cutlet sandwich, so I had a bite. It was OK, but it reconfirmed my taste opinion that chicken is pointless. She was on her 2nd huge diet coke, which made me think that only 3 months or so ago I'd totally be there with her, enjoying a bottle with her. So I had some of hers, swished it around my mouth and grimaced. It was pleasantly sweet, but over-carbonated and tasted so acidy. Yik! I guess I could relearn to like this stuff....but why would I want to?

DINNER: 6pm, breaded shrimp with yellow rice and black beans, mofungo with spicy red sauce, full bottle of pelegrino
Ordered in from the local Spanish restaurant, heavy but suited the mood perfectly. Mofungo is so weird but so yummy - it's mashed plantains with lots of garlic and pork skin. VERY heavy. Lots of mofungo left over, good for dinner tomorrow... Kind of want sweet, but none in the house.

EVENING SNACK: 7:30pm, about half a large box of Entemann's chocolate chip cookies, water.
Went out and got some. I need to stock some frozen cookie dough so to avoid eating boxed stuff in the future.

I think I should have an 8pm sweets curfew...