Baby, I like it raaaaw, etc etc

ADDENDA:
Went to the farmers market to collect a salad and miscellaneous. Got a half pound of interesting edamer raw-milk cheese, and I asked if they had any raw-milk for sale. They did not, but gave me a web-address for a distribution club. Raw milk is illegal to sell, but if you join a club where you cooperatively own a cow, you can legally drink it's raw milk. I read a lot from different sources about the history of milk, and how there's actually nothing wrong with raw milk if it's unadulterated by a lot of the industrial methods that gave it a bad name. In fact, it's a whole food that is supposedly better for you and more importantly....tastes better. I want to taste it for myself. The cheese is fantastic. I hope it's richness will help me avoid sweets next week.

BREAKFAST: 6am, good pancakes, hunger 4/5
To sleep early, woke up early. Made a new batch of mix, this time upping the whole wheat flower from 1/3 to 1/2. Can taste it more....and I like the taste of whole wheat....

AM SNACK: 11am, 3/4 of toasted bagel with hummus, hunger 4/5

LUNCH #1: Noon, slice of pizza, hunger 4/5
From local shop, focused on tasting the sauce. It's good, what is mine missing? Maybe dried red pepper?

LUNCH #2: 12:30pm, white rice, hunger 4/5
First run of the rice cooker, just ate the rice straight. Rice tastes good, but bland. Better than just in a pot. 1 serving is a half cup of dry rice, I made a full cup and it wasn't that much. Ate about 3/4 of the bowl.

PM SNACK: 1:30pm, 6 freshly baked cookies, hunger 4/5
In a grouchy mood, crappy weather. Rather than ride, sat around the TV and baked up the cookie dough, something I won't be able to do next week.

PM SNACK: 5:30pm, half a good dark chocolate bar, hunger 2/5
Amazing how easy it is to eat good chocolate, even without hunger or a craving for sugar.

DINNER: 8pm, vegetable dumplings, light crisp pancake with curry dipping sauce, fried spinach toasts, curry fried rice with odd mock-duck, 1 beer, water, hunger 3/5
Dinner with the Hungry Vegan Society at Pukk, a HVS-friendly Thai joint on 1st.

I'm Nervous

ADDENDA:
Will I make it 5 days without sugar? How much will it hurt? The Hungry Vegan Society just donated a bag of shredded dried coconut for my future fruit salads....

BREAKFAST: 7:15am, good yogurt with a little honey and vanilla, hunger 4/5

AM WATERING: 9:45am, 24 oz still

BP 9:45am: 130/91

LUNCH: 12:15pm, half a pastrami sandwich, small matzoh ball soup, pickle, vinegar slaw, hunger 4/5
Pastrami was dry, and such small portions!

PM WATERING: 2pm, 24 oz still

PM SNACK: 4:45pm, roberts smart puffs, hunger 4/5

DINNER: 6:45pm, 1 glass saki, 3 tiny fishcakes, small portion of chocolate babyback ribs, small portion of thai beef salad, 3 large tiger prawns with small amounts of pineapple fried rice and jasmine white rice, small portion of rich chocolate cake with burnt-honey icecream and fried banana spring rolls, hunger 4/5
Fancy dinner out with B at Kittichai, really good food, smallish portions. Felt full after but not stuffed. Enjoyed the dessert perhaps too much.

Portions A-poppin'

ADDENDA:
Ilsa brought up the question of portion-size - how do I feel my portions are? There have been times I've been gluttonous (Entemann's chocolate donuts with the little chocolate rat-pellets on the top, oh my....) but as an adult I think I've more-or-less toed the societal line with the correct portion....which is to say, probably too big but not considered gluttonous.

This morning I made myself whole-wheat pasta with home made sauce for lunch, and as I was pouring it into an old Chinese food quart container, Betsy asked if some of that was for her, because that was too much for me. Looking at it, looks like a good solid lunch to me that paired with a snack 2-3 hours out will hold me over till dinner. I think more thought needs to be given to the issue.

BREAKFAST: 7:30pm, whole wheat bagel with good butter, hunger 3/5

AM WATERING: 9:15am, 24 oz still

BP: 9:20am, 129/90
Closed my eyes and breathed steadily through my nose for the minute it took to take the reading. Ilsa wants me to focus on my breathing, maybe it'll help me cheat my BP down? :)

LUNCH: 12 noon, quart o' whole wheat pasta with homemade sauce, good dark chocolate, hunger 4/5
A full large chocolate bar is too much, but it was fun sharing it with the Hungry Vegan Society (because quality dark chocolate is ALWAYS vegan) and various work-pals. Felt very conscious of the portion size. Brought it in because want to spend-down all the sweets in the house. I think the only two things left is the lemon sorbet I made this past weekend and the cookie dough in the locked freezer. I think the cookie dough can remain as a 'Break this in case of fire' kind of thing....

PM WATERING: 2:45pm, 24 oz still

PM SNACK: 4pm, vegan jerky, hunger 4/5
Experimenting, maybe protein will be able to help with sugar craving? (The small portion has 500mg of salt, so I don't think this'll work.) Thinking of a Noah-compatible fruit salad....just apples, lemon juice, a little cinnamon, coconut flakes....maybe pear? Banana? Eeeeee.....

PM SNACK: 6pm, large portion of salty popcorn, hunger 4/5
Not a good day for my salt intake. Once I learned the movie would be 2.5 hours long, I had to.

DINNER: 9:30pm, spicy squid with weird noodles, tofu stew, kimchi pancake, little portions of radish kimchee, fried seaweed, weird noodles, marinated vegetables, yummy purple rice, hunger 4/5
Went to a weird soft-tofu Korean joint on 35th with Danny and Soo, and Soo (who is Korean) selected the dishes. Other than a weird fishy fish starter, all was good. Limited my squid intake because it was late and didn't want it to interfere with sleep.

Addiction (Or: My Mother, the Junky)

ADDENDA:
My mom was a nicotine addict. My brother and I would beg her to put he cigarette out when she would drive us around in the close confines of a car. She underwent surgery when I was in high school to remove some of her lung, and afterwards she hid her smoking, despite her being 110% forthright, successful and strong in all other aspects of her life. Neither my brother or I smoke or drink coffee because of the unattractive side we saw in our mom abusing these substances (hey! did you here that?! I think that was my mom rolling over in her grave for being called a substance-abuser!)

Back in my early 20s, when I discovered I was totally addicted to diet coke, I quit it cold turkey - I didn't want to be dependent on a drink like my mom. How middle-class bourgeoisie uncool was that? It was all headaches, nausea, fuzzy-headed unsleepiness for 2 days, a little better on the 3rd, by day 5 it was over.

My dad tried smoking, I guess to share something with my mom, but gave it up before my memory begins. He was never a huge coffee-drinker, either. But man, he loved his sweets. Some of his fondest memories of Vienna growing up pre-WWII were the bakeries full of Viennese delights. He'd always have a sweets drawer in his office I'd take great pleasure in raiding as a kid. Like my dad, I do love my sweets.

Well, I'm coming to the realization that refined sugar has a grasp on me - and how uncool is that? I went without sweets yesterday, it shouldn't be this hard. It shouldn't be hard at all. So per Ilsa's advice, starting Sunday dinner until Friday dinner I will not eat any desert that has refined sugar. Fruit is OK, chocolate is not. I'll be stocking up on the baby carrots next week. Anyone have a recommendation on how to help curb my cravings?

Feeling the craving right now, it's in my stomach and my arms. Brought the last of the apple crisp and a good piece of Icelandic dark chocolate for a snack today - better than the conventional crap they sell around here.

BREAKFAST: 7:30am, good yogurt with a small squirt of honey, vanilla, raw cashews, hunger 3.5/5
Woke up well and rested, slight craving for sugar revving up my appetite a little. Never thought much of it before, but honey is obviously a refined sugar, but in reality I'm only using about a tablespoon to cut the bitter edge of the yogurt, not turn it into a sweet confection like the conventional yogurts...

BP 10am: 126/90

AM WATERING: 10am, 24 oz still water.
Think I'm going to aim for 2 waterings a day. Hydration leads to slightly thinner blood, which results in lower blood pressure.

LUNCH: 12:30, shrimp tempura with white rice and a little dipping sauce, beef negamaki starter, tiny salad, hunger 4/5
Junior's was packed out, so went to the sushi place. I'm not sure if the portions were unusually small or my sugar-lust makes it seem that way. Felt full but the white rice revved up my sugar craving.

PM SNACK: 1:15pm, homemade apple crumble and good dark chocolate, hunger 2.5/5
The chocolate was in the freezer too long, was a little chalky in consistency. However, the second the first square hit my tongue, I instantly felt better - just like a junky when the needle hits the vein. Funny thing is, now that it's done, feel slightly sick to my stomach, headachey. This is not good all over.

PM WATERING: 2:30pm, 24 oz still water, 2 extra-strength tylenol
Headache worse, stomach feels like there is liquid plastic in it. Could it be shock from so much sugar after almost 36 hours of no sweets?!

DINNER: 7:30pm, long link of merguez lamb sausage, 4 pieces whole wheat bread with mustard, small portion of roast potatoes & onion, bowl of organic whole-grain crispex and good milk, hunger 4.5/5
As I was riding home, felt a little faint from hunger and thought I craved sugar - after thinking about it, I realized I was REALLY hungry, forgot to have a snack due to feeling weird. Was going to have sausage and potatoes, but there weren't many potatoes left, so I wrapped the sausage in whole-wheat toast like a hotdog. After the first two, I realized I wasn't really tasting the sausage as the mustard was overpowering. The actual sausage (from the farmers market) was delicious and delicate, not what you expect in a sausage and I think I kind of mistreated them by eating them like hotdogs - but I was so hungry! After eating the equivalent of 4 (healthy) hotdogs, still hungry. Usually, I'd snarf some sweets and that would shut me down, but I already had my sweets for the day. So I fast forwarded and had breakfast. That shut me down.

Lindsay Lohan, too

ADDENDA:
Tried to sleep till 7, woke at 6:30. But it's still 8 hours, so I guess that's OK. Feel fine. Hopefully today the end of the stressful project, it's been good for a while but it's key that it ends well.

BREAKFAST: 7:15am, whole wheat bagel with good butter, hunger 3/5

AM WATERING: 8:30am, 24 oz still water

BP 8:45am: 131/91

LUNCH: 12:15pm, superhippy sandwich, roasted potatoes with mushrooms and onions, hunger 4/5
Really enjoyed the potatoes. This time I added extra lemon juice and used rosemary as the predominant spice, and put the small white onions in whole - they baked and got soft and sweet and moist without taking in much oil, much better than when they're cut up.

I am concerned about the potatoes - even though they are tiny and are eaten whole with skins, the level of simple carbs are going to rev up my engine to want sugar. Will have a 2nd lunch later, but hopefully it'll be under control.

PM SNACK: 1:30pm, baby carrots with a little ranch dressing, hunger 3/5
Sugar craving bubbling, so I went to the Industrial Feedlot they have in our building (they call it the cafeteria) and poked around. A lot of stuff just smelled bad. The sesame pork they were dolling out, compared to the pork I prepared last night, looked ill. I gravitated toward the pizza and the pasta and the fried stuff, then thought, damn, this place is designed to make you eat badly. Easily found the cupcakes. Took a while to find the overpriced baby carrots. Tasted not fresh.

PM WATERING: 1:45pm, 24 oz still water

PM SNACK: 4pm, 2 potato samosas, hunger 3.5/5
Kinda craving sugar still, kinda hungry.....so....more potato!! I had a friend who turned into a raging alcoholic, he loved his potatoes, too. Alcoholic, sugarholic.... I suspect if I wasn't watching myself, I'd be on my 3rd sweet today by now....

DINNER: 8pm, shrimp parmigiana w/ spag and meat sauce, small green salad with creamy italian, bread, 1 beer, a little water, hunger 4/5
Five largish breaded shrimp in a HUGE pool of crappy cheese, a small serving of pasta with a HUGE slop of gamy-tasting meat sauce over it like a cow-plop. Ate enough to be satisfied, but there was enough cheese and sauce left on my plate to dress another meal.

Britney Spears

ADDENDA:
Last night's parade o' pizzas went well. I think I need to figure out how to make my own dough and peel my own tomatoes (well, the tomatoes can wait till they're back in season.) Next week I start taking intro cooking classes, I wonder what they'll be like. Probably more comfortable than yoga.

I think there is a law somewhere that every single blog on the internet must give some coverage to Britney Spears. I think I just filled my quota.

BP 7:15am 119/89

BREAKFAST: 7:45am, organic cheerios & good milk, hunger 3/5

AM WATERING: 9:15am, 24 oz still water

LUNCH: 12:45pm, vegetarian Indian combo with rice and nan, onions and yogurt sauce, hunger 4/5
Delicious chickpea curry, spinach with unsalted cheese, black lentils. The spice made me crave ice cream/sweet, but I told that immature taste in me that I should just enjoy the burn.

Think starting right now, gonna aim to have 2 days a week with no sweets. Dunno if they'll be consecutive, though....maybe today be the first of the week? If I'm going to meet with Ilsa tomorrow and be serious about setting off on a plan to lose weight, I gotta bring something to the table and not be a cranky little boy! If she provokes me, maybe I'll do my donut-dance. I hear nutritionists love that stuff!

PM SNACK: 4:15pm, salty deshelled pistachios, hunger 4/5
Long meeting with a HUGE sack of pistachios in the middle of the table. Good thing I didn't snack before the meeting. Would of preferred unsalted, but whatayagonnado.

DINNER: 8:30pm, sauted organic pork medalions, roasted fingerling mix with sweet onions and mushrooms, apple crisp, seltzer, hunger 4/5
Ate a reasonable amount, still hungry after so went for the sweet - it's homemade and I know it's quality ingredients and not overwhelmingly sweet. After finishing it, my immediate thought was to get out some chocolate - I'm still in the desert zone! But the adult side of me said hey, it's 9pm, let's see how you feel in 30 minutes and if you still want chocolate, go for it. I think by 9:30 I was either in the shower or lying in bed listening to music, chocolate the furthest thing from my mind.

The Donut Dance

ADDENDA:
Had a nice, cold 50 mile ride out to Little Neck Bay in Queens, got to follow a part of the marathon route before all the stinky runners came through. When I was leaving out, I proclaimed to Betsy that I was about to go get a donut, I even did a little donut-dance, as I enjoyed provoking her disapproval. However, once on the bike and going down Grand Street, I realized I wasn't hungry at all and skipped it. The stubborn little boy in me would of gotten that donut if she were riding with me, just to provoke her dissatisfaction. Hmmmm.

BREAKFAST: 7am, good yogurt with honey and raw nuts, hunger 3/5

AM GATORADING: 9am onwards, 24 oz gatorade

AM SNACK: 11am, bag of corn chips, hunger 4/5
In a little dinky grocery by the Little Neck railroad station, indulged in this salty unhealthy snack, thinking of the lunch I was going to get in an hour would be so healthy I could brag about it here. However....

LUNCH: noon, turkey on a roll with Swiss, lightly salted potato chips, 24 oz water
....the big Korean green grocer I've been going to in Beechhurst for years was out of business! Really no options other than Chinese food and a deli, so got a standard turkey sandwich, which I took out half he excess meat. Didn't taste overly salty, but I know it's hidden in the processed bits.

PM SNACK: 3pm, 3 whole wheat saltless pretzels, hunger 4/5

DINNER: 6pm, a whole homemade pizza give or take a slice, green salad, apple crisp with lemon sorbet, vegan donut holes, 2 glasses wine, hunger 4/5
Made dinner for Tamar and my cousin Iddo (and B, of course). A selection of different pizzas, most came out pretty good. Sauce is still missing something, but thinly slicing crimini mushrooms from the farmers market really worked well, roasted in the hot oven and kept moist by the thin layer of sauce. Got the dough thinner and the over hotter, the pizza was more cracker-like and light this time. Lemon sorbet was WAY too tart for my my taste, and the texture was a bit too icy, but it's an interesting start. Gonna try to make a simple chocolate gelato next....

Funny, pizza and ice cream was something I used to think I could eat everyday. But so much pizza and ice cream out in the world is such crap. But if I were to break them down into their ingredient components, get the best freshest healthiest organic parts, then combine them and cook them into pizza and ice cream....I guess it would still be relatively unhealthy if eaten every day, but sure reduces my taste for the crappier stuff...