Jonesing for My Pusherman

ADDENDA:
Picked up gefilte-fish loaf from Russ & Daughter's for the seder I'm cooking for Sunday. My mom once picked up a loaf for her seder and it was weirdly good - the jarred stuff is in snot sauce and mushy veg. This loaf of pike & whitefish is dry, no jelly, and cooked carrots came on the side. I wish I could ask my mom where she got hers, it could of been R&D's, or it could of been any of a number of orthodox food shops in the hood.

Picked up my culinary uniform this morning. Crazy. Laid down wearing the white chef jacket embroidered with my name while listening to the new Nick Cave and Breeders records, seasoning it with some good vibes.

BREAKFAST: 9:45am, organic chex with good milk, 1 bowl, hunger 4/5

LUNCH: 2pm, whole wheat penne with hot italian sausage, sauted mushrooms and homemade tomato sauce, water, 3 bowls, hunger 4/5
Well, I made a big-ass bowl of pasta, which I fried up a raw piece of sausage and some shrooms. I used to eat portions of pasta like this for both lunch and dinner - I haven't had a big pasta meal like this in quite a while, but Ilsa is quite insistent that I up my lunch quantities and low-light my dinner.

Funny thing, after eating this, I started grazing in the kitchen for sweets, but there were none. Then I thought -damn!- I just ate a HUGE lunch, why am I looking for sweets? I'm gonna take care of some stuff, and if I'm still craving, gonna run out and get a good-ass donut from my local donut pusher-man...

PM SNACK: 3:15pm, chocolate glazed yeast donut, .75 bowl, hunger 3/5
Ahhhhhhhhhh......sweet oblivion.....

DINNER: 6:45pm, cod in broth, mushroom pate, small peanutbutter tofu desert, 1 glass presecco, water, 1.5 bowls, hunger 3/5
Not very hungry, but went to the new Broadway East Restaurant on East Broadway with B and Katya, who came down to wish me a happy birthday - my 23rd birthday meal this year. The restaurant, which is in my hood, is surprisingly upscale, about 85% vegan/vegetarian menu, and tasty. I just hope it can make it, must take the HVS there soon...

I Browned Almost 9 Pounds of Meat This Evening.

ADDENDA:
At yesterday's meeting, Ilsa yelled at me a bit for not restricting my calories enough, and for not eating enough vegetables. -sigh- I guess some childhood habits are harder to break than others.

I spent a good part of the evening browning 2 pieces / 8lbs of bottom round and making the marinade for sauer braten, which I will be contributing to a friend's Passover this weekend.

Went to a basics yoga class today after putting some hours in at the office. Did a shoulder stand (off the wall) for the first time, actually seeing (a very tiny bit of) progress there.

Culinary starts in less than a week. I'm excited/nervous/curious. Slowly putting together the new blog TBD....

BREAKFAST: 9:15am, good yogurt with honey vanilla raw nuts, .5 bowl, hunger 4/5
Milk spoiled, this was my only option. I like how short a shelf-life my unhomogenized organic milk has - it tastes fresher when it's fresh, and when it's bad, you know it right away.

LUNCH #1: 12:15pm, 2 samosas, pumpkin noodles, 1.5 bowls, hunger 4/5
Midtown vegan lunch with the HVS.

LUNCH #2: 4:30pm, 1 large piece salad pizza, 1 large piece fresh moz pizza, orange soda, water, 2 bowls, hunger 4/5
Went to Pie on 4th Ave (pizza by the inch) after yoga, just didn't want anything too healthy!

DINNER: 8pm, 1 pork chop, stir fried broccoli & mushrooms, chocolate soy ice cream, 2 bowls, hunger 4/5
Pork chop on the bone only marinated for an hour, only browned it for 3 minutes on each side then went for it - it's rareness would of scared most people, but it was SO juicy and delicious and simply porky. Stir fried the veg fast and hot in the wok with salt and sesame oil, and it came out crunchy and flavorful. No sauces, just the flavors of the main ingredients.

Hope avoiding a pasta/rice/potato and having a large serving of broc & mushroom will please Ilsa! :)

First Superhippy Bread, Now GRANOLA!!

ADDENDA:

The short bread has the illusion of being low sugar (1 cup butter, 2 cup whole wheat flour, 1/2 cup powdered sugar) but I had the worst insomnia last night, up till 2:30am. I suspect it was the late short bread.... had a carb-heavy lunch, aim for a high-protein dinner, try to have a sweets-free day....

The evening today brought a serious round of sugar-craving.

BREAKFAST: 10am, apple granola with good milk, .5 bowl, hunger 4/5
Found this new brand of granola during my trip to WholeFoods yesterday, looked like it may be developed for adult tastes, rather than the cloyingly sweet and industrial tasting stuff I've had in the past. Pretty good, tasted pleasantly oaty, and just subtly sweet. I guess I should go out and get some Birkenstocks?

LUNCH: 1pm, 3 samosas, brown rice, cold pumpkin noodles, cucumber salad, 2 bowls, hunger 4/5

Midtown lunch at Green Symphony with the HVS.

PM SNACK: 6pm, spinach salad with organic Italian dressing, 1 bowl

DINNER: pork chops in mushroom gravy with roasted broccoli, water, 2.5 bowls, hunger 4/5
Started marinating a pork chop yesterday that I split the long way (olive oil, garlic, salt and pepper), browned the hell out of it, then made a simple gravy in the pan by boiling up some sherry, vegetable broth, more garlic and a large pinch of flour for about 10 minutes. Used the Good Eats recipe for the broccoli. Didn't really pay much attention to amounts, just kind of threw stuff together. The gravy needs work, it was a little too thin in texture and flavor, and I should of sauteed the mushrooms and garlic before deglazing with sherry, but it was still a nice compliment to the juicy meat with a crisp brown layer.

While I was cooking, NPR radio had a story about the crap economy and how health tends to improve in bad times because people work less, do more exercise and cook at home more versus going out to restaurants. This pork chop meal wasn't quite restaurant quality, but it was definitely a step in the right direction - and the cost of the food was less than $10....

EVENING SNACK: 11pm, veggie booty, 1 bowl, hunger 4/5
Sugar cravings kind of blurring with hunger, so grabbed a non-sweet snack...

Rough Monday

ADDENDA:
My flight to Detroit was cancelled due to weather, it's for the best as yesterday's visit to my family (both living and dead) upstate took more out of me than I thought. Woke at 7, checked the flight and poof, the day is open. Tried to get up and go but after some TV, put myself to bed, felt headachey and tired all over. Felt a lot better when I woke up, but feel a bit restless. Hope my European trip later this weeks goes smoothly.

BREAKFAST: 10am, a little curry sausage and brown rice, seltzer, hunger 4/5
Out of breakfast foods. Went back to sleep for a couple of hours

LUNCH: 2pm, vegetarian dim sum, water, hunger 4/5
Four little dishes. I was hoping to cook lunch but the sleep messed up my schedule

PM WATERING: 4:30pm, pint water

DINNER: 6pm, 2 fish tacos, small green salad, 1 bite of pork chop, water, hunger 2/5
Was going to lay about and be a lump, but Betsy called that she was sitting down with her brother for dinner at Schillers, so I pulled my pants back on and got out of the house.

EVENING SNACKS: 10:30-2am, spoonful of peanut butter, 2 saltless wholewheat pretzels with chocolate hazelnut spread, good yogurt with honey, vanilla and raw nuts, hunger 4/5
Sleepless and restless.

More Mood, Less Food

ADDENDA:
Had an interesting meeting with Ilsa last night. I'm feeling a lot of anger and ill will towards my work in general since the since-backed off corporate directives a few weeks ago, despite never feeling more happy with the people I actually work with day to day. That brick o' Chinese I scarfed the other day was probably a result of that pressure. I shouldn't let it get to me that way.

I had a friend who when she got upset at herself, would literally smack herself on the head till she bled. Is scarfing a block of sodium-infused lard with some noodles in it so different, especially when I'm not even that hungry? Ilsa is afraid pressures will cause me to backslide, when I should be simply maintaining my healthier habits through these cold winter months. I got to get a handle on this.

BREAKFAST: 8:30am, good yogurt with raw nuts, honey, vanilla, hunger 3/5

AM WATERING: 9:45am, 24 oz still

BP: 9:50am, 137/91
Despite being tired, did not sleep well last night, kept on #2ing for a few hours, then watched bad TV for an hour. Determined to eat better today, aim to go home tonight and aim for some quality ZZZs.

LUNCH: 12:45pm, superhippy peanutbutter sandwich, hummus with carrots, cuce, red pepper, celery, a few bites of cod, hunger 4/5
Cod tasted fresh, but underdressed. Next time, I'll get you, Cod!!

PM SNACK: 4:30pm, organic Fuji apple, raw milk appeller funky cheese, hunger 4/5
Chocolate being spread around the office, I heroically resisted.

DINNER: 7:45pm, 4 fresh spring rolls with shrimp, sauteed pork medallions in a mushroom wine sauce over brown jasmine rice, liter of seltzer, hunger 4/5
Oh my, this was an interest mealing meal. Click on the pic for an upclose look! Too bad these computers don't do smellovision - while the final result proved this to still be in the experimental stage, the smell in the kitchen was overwhelmingly intensely delicious.

When Ilsa was scolding me about how she doesn't care if I eat good pork every day, as long as I stay away from the bricks o' Chinese food. So I picked up a thick pork medallion and mushrooms on the way home. Rather than simply grill it and throw it over rice, I went on line and got an interesting recipe. However, I kinda winged it and added white wine, subtracted whatever 'savory' is, crushed dried rosemary in a pestle, replaced chicken stock with a container of veal stock I had in the freezer (picked up on a random shopping trip ages ago) and let rip.

Two things surprised me. One is the veal stock. I bought it originally because I read somewhere that veal stock is the 'secret weapon' of many chefs - it has the magical ability to make anything tastier. And my god, it does! I've eaten veal stock many times before but didn't know it - it's that indescribable delicious mouth feel that is like eating velvet. Damn, it's good.

Second is even though I tried to undercook the meat (browned 1 minute on each side instead of 2, let simmer in the sauce for 10 minutes instead of 15), it was STILL a little pale, dry and overcooked. Next time I do this recipe I'm going to brown it at higher heat for less time, simmer it in the sauce for less time, and get a fattier cut of meat that is still on the bone.

One Small Step for a Pancake, One Giant Leap for Pancakekind

ADDENDA:
Looking forward to eating today. Brought in the raviolis in, tonight I'm on my own (doin' laundry, hrumph!) and gonna play with some pork medallions n' rice.

Before dinner, Betsy & I had a surprise drink with Ilsa, who works in the same building as B. Seems the new Ironchef challenge is to make dinner for 4 that has a) no animal product, b) no wheat or potatoes and c) still rocks the house. Hmmmm.

BREAKFAST: 7am, stack of good experimental pancakes, hunger 4/5
Got to bed before 11, woke up naturally around 6:30, took a shower and realized....hmmm, I feel hungry. Last night's dinner was great, but not the biggest portions. I already made myself pancakes this week, so to up the ante, I threw in a couple of teaspoons of cinnamon and a small splash of vanilla....whoa. I think I just made a small step for a pancake, one giant leap for pancakekind. Now if only I could add CHOCOLATEto it....and wrap it around a sausage....and put it on a stick....wait, I think that's been done...
AM WATERING: 9:45am, 24 oz still

BP 9:45am: 127/95

AM SNACK: 11:45am, superGerman bread with peanutbutter, hunger 4/5

LUNCH: 2:45pm, homemade ravioli with homemade sauce, hunger 2/5
Just had a staff meeting about future benefits, made me nauseous. Corporations are evil.

DINNER: 7pm, 2 pork medallions with brown jasmine rice with an experimental scallion/wine sauce, hunger 4/5
Feel crappy and a bit depressed. Cooking this actually made me feel a little better and in control. After lightly sauteing the pork, added wine & Worcestershire to the garlic, scallion and olive oil already in there. Came out nicely.

EVENING SNACK: 9pm, 3 fresh hot chocolate chip cookies, hunger 4/5
Needed 'em after this rough day. Celebrates the beginning of the weekend with my honey.

Britney Spears

ADDENDA:
Last night's parade o' pizzas went well. I think I need to figure out how to make my own dough and peel my own tomatoes (well, the tomatoes can wait till they're back in season.) Next week I start taking intro cooking classes, I wonder what they'll be like. Probably more comfortable than yoga.

I think there is a law somewhere that every single blog on the internet must give some coverage to Britney Spears. I think I just filled my quota.

BP 7:15am 119/89

BREAKFAST: 7:45am, organic cheerios & good milk, hunger 3/5

AM WATERING: 9:15am, 24 oz still water

LUNCH: 12:45pm, vegetarian Indian combo with rice and nan, onions and yogurt sauce, hunger 4/5
Delicious chickpea curry, spinach with unsalted cheese, black lentils. The spice made me crave ice cream/sweet, but I told that immature taste in me that I should just enjoy the burn.

Think starting right now, gonna aim to have 2 days a week with no sweets. Dunno if they'll be consecutive, though....maybe today be the first of the week? If I'm going to meet with Ilsa tomorrow and be serious about setting off on a plan to lose weight, I gotta bring something to the table and not be a cranky little boy! If she provokes me, maybe I'll do my donut-dance. I hear nutritionists love that stuff!

PM SNACK: 4:15pm, salty deshelled pistachios, hunger 4/5
Long meeting with a HUGE sack of pistachios in the middle of the table. Good thing I didn't snack before the meeting. Would of preferred unsalted, but whatayagonnado.

DINNER: 8:30pm, sauted organic pork medalions, roasted fingerling mix with sweet onions and mushrooms, apple crisp, seltzer, hunger 4/5
Ate a reasonable amount, still hungry after so went for the sweet - it's homemade and I know it's quality ingredients and not overwhelmingly sweet. After finishing it, my immediate thought was to get out some chocolate - I'm still in the desert zone! But the adult side of me said hey, it's 9pm, let's see how you feel in 30 minutes and if you still want chocolate, go for it. I think by 9:30 I was either in the shower or lying in bed listening to music, chocolate the furthest thing from my mind.

Oo, I'm such a Fatty McFatster. Oo, my hair is curly. Oo, etc etc.

ADDENDA:
Feeling a little fat lately, not riding, may not ride this weekend. No sweets yesterday, gonna try to hold out till dinner dessert - taking Corinna out for her birthday to Craft tonight, really looking forward to it, both the stubborn kid and the rational adult agree that this is a place to indulge. Last time I tried 2 days in a row I got a sad headache by after lunch.

BREAKFAST: 7:30am, toasted onion bagel with good butter, hunger 3/5

BP 8:15am: 125/85

LUNCH: 12:30pm, superhippy peanutbutter sandwich & large green salad with hippy garlic dressing, hunger 4/5
Good sandwich. Not sure about the Ann's non-vinegar garlic dressing, kinda both like and not like it. This is a very easy and convenient lunch to pack, but I need to expand my lunch palate if I hope to eat packed-lunch more than 2x a week.

PM SNACK: 2:30pm, lightly salted Kettle potato chips, hunger 4/5
I can't be super-hungry all day if I'm going to put the sweets on hold. The Roberts stuff is getting boring. These chips were good though still too salty (220mg in the bag, 10% of the dv, and just plain salt to boot), but satisfying.

DINNER: 6:30, 2 pieces white bread, 2 pieces multi-grain bread with butter, spoonful of smoked anchovies, a little hamachi sushi, a little romaine salad, bite of cod, small rack of organic hormone-free pork, roasted onions, creamy gnocchi, weirdly good Swiss chard, porchini mushrooms, a spoonful of butternut squash, small amounts of chocolate tart and ginger bread, mini choco-peanut tart, small shot of concord grape spritzer, water, 1 glass prosecco, hunger 4/5
Took Corinna to Craft for her birthday, great fun, and again the food was over-the-top good, was extra fun because Corinna always really gets into appreciating food - I think I kind of inherited that from her when I dated her starting when I was an impressionable 18 yr old.

Corinna and her husband have been practicing the Southbeach diet for 4 months now, and she looks really well and thinner. Other than he gnocchi and spritzer, most of the things we had she could eat in that diet. Because she ordered a lot of the meal, I tried some things I wouldn't otherwise - the Swiss chard was nice like spinachy but with it's own character, but the creamed butternut squash was too sweet for my tastes.

First date with Home-za delayed

ADDENDA:
I heated up the oven to 550 (the highest it would go) and preheated the pizza stone, arranged my cheese, basil, San Marzano tomatoes and dough ball on the counter, thinking maybe of taking a pic of it for before/after photos. Called B to confirm when she'd be home, wanted her in on this as much as possible.

I'm standing there, inspecting my ingredients, reading the label of the dough ball I bought from the freezer case of Wholefoods. "Wheat Free". Huh????? I mistakenly bought a pizza dough ball made of rice, soy and some other flours that should have nothing to do with a healthy person's pizza. There was no way I was going to move forward with this "dough".

It's kinda like dressing up for a first semi-blind date. You may have friends in common who've assured you she's not nuts, you've seen the pictures and you know she's smokin' hot. She has a good job and a good family, you know she's quality and you can't be half-assing it with her. You're meeting around the corner at the perfect date cafe in 10 minutes, and because of your focus and mindlessness, you realize you haven't done your laundry in 2 months. You go into the closet and the ONLY clean shirt you have is a T-shirt that says "I -HEART- MIDGET PORN". You could wear it inside out, but it's just too dangerous. You MUST cancel, apologetically and in hopes of rescheduling as soon as possible.

That dough was a 'midget porn' t-shirt. To be continued....

BREAKFAST: 7:30am, good yogurt with good honey, vanilla and raw cashews, hunger 3/5

AM WATERING: 8:30am, 24 oz still

LUNCH: 12:30pm, brick o' food including 3 potato samosas, chickpea curry, a little lentil salad, a little cucumber salad and organic brown rice, hunger 4/5
The nutritional opposite of a Chinese brick o' food, a.k.a. the dinner combination of pork fried rice and pork lomein with egg roll - same container, though. Really yummy samosas.

PM WATERING: 1:30pm, 24 oz still
Usually the first 24 lasts all day, but I was thirsty this morning...

PM SNACK: 2pm, half a greentea-wrapped red bean paste dumpling thing, hunger 2/5
Ate it to be social, waaaay too sweet. Weirdly beany, though, that was kind of nice. Gonna try the red bean icecream at Chinatown Icecream Factory next time I'm down there.

DINNER: 7pm, 5 pieces semolina bread and butter, small amount of snapper cruddo, a shotglass of cauliflower soup, roast pork loan, belly and sausage, small amount of buttery gnocchi, a small apple cider donut and a scoop and a half of icecream, hunger 4/5
Me and B dressed up all fancy to go to this award ceremony where an old friend of hers was being honored. We showed up to the place in Grammercy, and nothing was happening. So we walked into the East Village and dropped in on Hearth, where we had a fancy meal a while ago and was impressed. I had the same pork dish, didn't like it as much - the sausage was too salty, the belly was too fatty, the deserts again were underwhelming. But it was nice to be dressed up and out with B.

Turns out the event is TOMORROW night, urgh. Between this and the dough, I think the aftershocks of being so stressed at work have effected my focus on other parts of my life.

I've Got an Icecream Maker, and I'm Gonna Use It!

ADDENDA:
Remembered to pack lunch today. I assembled two discordant items that wouldn't be very good together but are yummy separate, but then I figured, duh, I can have 2 small meals instead of one big one....

Just got the ice cream maker attachment for the mixer this morning. Gonna be a goooood tiiiime!!! (Doing a little crack-head dance) And just bought this mini freezer online today. Reminds me, I gotta get a more accurate blood pressure monitor.

Gonna be filled with home made hummus, tomato sauce, ice cream, sorbet and sinful gelato....all locked away from prying Betsys!

BREAKFAST: 8am, toasted onion bagel with hummus, hunger 3/5

AM SNACK: 10am, 24 oz still water

LUNCH #1: 12:15pm, container of whole wheat pasta with smoked scallops, hunger 4/5
Frozen from last week, held up exceptionally well, a lot fresher tasting than I thought it would. This take-your-lunch-to-work-often thing may turn out for the best, yet.

LUNCH #2: 3:15, 3/4 of a superhippy bread & fresh peanut butter sammich, hunger 4/5
Almost fell asleep in the prior meeting. Gave 1/4 to T. Really helped wake me up, considering there is no sugar or caffiene in it, and a ridiculous amount of superhippy fiber and seeds in it.

DINNER: 8pm, green salad, smoked pork chop, roasted fingerling potatoes, wok-seared stringbeans with mushroom and garlic, apple crisp with dulche de leche gelato, 1 glass wine, hunger 4/5
Cooked for my friend Erikka, as Betsy was away with her gals. Most of the ingredients from the farmers market. Thinking of Ilsa, added some veg to off set the (ridiculously tiny, cute) potatoes. Never quite made potatoes or string beans like, came out OK, almost good. Erikka cleared her plate, and had 2nds of the taters, so it couldn't of been too bad!

Ride Down the Joisey Shaw

ADDENDA:
A nice relaxing Saturday. Woke at 6:15, made myself a hearty breakfast, hopped on the bike, picked up some kick-ass organic local donuts and pedalled down to Pier 11 to catcht the 8:15am fast ferry to Stoney Point. Road 30 miles down the shore and 30 miles back, the way back a lot quicker so I could make the 3:15 and miss the rain... which poured over me the last 15 miles.

A 2 hour wait for the next ferry, long straight flat pieces of road, and buckets of rain is good motivator to sprint and push your legs to the point of pain (in a good way).

BREAKFAST: 6:45am, 3 substantial pancakes, seltzer, hunger 3/5

AM SNACK: 8:45, 2 donuts, hunger 3/5
Watching the Verezanno peel by over my head, both ends invisible because of fog....time for a donut!

AM SNACK: 11:45, 4 whole wheat pretzels, small amount of gatorade, hunger 2/5
Halfway mark. Monmouth County public park, lots of surfers in full gear everywhere. Seagulls, fishing boats zipping around, to think I was home only a few hours ago...

PM SNACK: 12:45 'medium' cherry ice, hunger 3/5
From a concession's stand on the board walk at Asbury Park. In NYC, the 'regular' is a little paper cup with one small scoop. This was a gargantuan 3-scooper, bright neon red and weirdly overly sweet - corn syrup in FULL effect. Huh. I've had this quality of ice before, never tasted so totally cloying and fake. But my body just absorbed the sugar, and the rush propelled me into the rain....

PM SNACK: 2:15, 2 wholewheat pretzels, hunger 4/5

PM SNACK: 4:45, 4 pieces whole wheat bread with hummus, handful of carrots and cucumber, hunger 4/5
Betsy prepped a nice spread for me when I got home, which allowed me to cook for an hour without goin' nuts.

DINNER: 6pm, 2 smoked pork chops with mushroom & onion, basmanti brown rice, seltzer, hunger 4/5
Pork chops, non nitrate, from last week's farmer's market. Oh. My. Gawd. I got to have some friends over and serve this.

It's too early to think of a snappy post title

BREAKFAST: 6am, toasted onion bagel with good butter, glass of lime seltzer, dirt pill, hunger 2/5
Tempted not to eat, but thinking about discipline and the extra desert and stuff. And I gotta get to work early to do a slightly intimidating freelance job that's too well-paid to pass on....

BP 7:30am 134/84
Damn, that's high. Too much salt yesterday? Gonna make an app't today with the medical doc to make sure these numbers are for real.

AM SNACK: 7:30am, 24 oz still water

LUNCH: 1:45pm, lamb over rice, hunger 4.5/5
Intense work day. Almost over the top. Falling asleep from hunger during the meeting before I was able to get away for lunch. Ate lunch at a public outdoor space in midtown, away from the office. Felt good to eat.

It's now after 6pm, going to fancy dinner at Craft with B to celebrate the chunk of change I earned today (as I luckily just finished it! Talk about singing for supper!), but am at 4.5 again and there is no healthy options near by....

PM SNACK: 6pm, large bag of plain potato chips, 24 oz still water, hunger 4.5/5
The deli next door was just so....limited. So much stuff, so few real choices. I was looking at the sunchips, and noticed it had EXACTLY the same amount of salt as plain Lay's potato chips. I feel a bit beaten up/in deserving of reward, so I snarfed the potato chips to keep me going till fancy dinner...

I called the doc this morning, but his office didn't open yet. I just called again, closed for the day. -sigh- Will follow up on Monday. I'm so burnt. I gotta keep healthy shelf-stable snacks around here to ward off another case of the the potato chip heebie jeebies.

This is how burnt I feel (hanging on for dear life with adult sippy cup):



DINNER: 8pm, 2 pieces of good bread & butter, a spoonful of squid ceveche, small boston lettuce and feta salad, 3 pieces of raw tuna belly with jalapenos, small rack of smoky berkshire pork, roasted onions, risotto, gnocchi, chocolate tarts and fresh donuts, lots of water, hunger 4/5
It's 10pm, I'm beat, but I just have to write down this meal, it was so friggin' good. After having those eh potato chips satiate me, my hunger came rip-roaring back with the bread and did let up till the end of desert. It's nice when a huge appetite meets a meal made by people who dedicate their days to making the best food possible with the best ingredients - we went to Craft on 19th street, where the ingredients are mostly locally sourced. It was nice connecting with B over a meal.

I kinda of wish every meal could be similar to this one, and once I get some more cooking skills, it'll be a bit closer to that. If every meal was like this, though, I'd be extremely fat and extremely poor...

Suppressed Memories: I Grew Up With a Tomato Patch

BREAKFAST: 7:30am, 2 pancakes and 4 pieces low sodium bacon, dirtpill, glass of seltzer, hunger 3/5
Made my favorite breakfast for B, Tania and Eli - even though we wrote "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" in frosting on it and had a piece of bacon for a mouth, he wasn't interested, as he was lunching on junk food all morning.

AM SNACK: 9am, 24 oz still water
Back at work. Gotta get my game on, yo.

BP 9:15am: 126/78

LUNCH: 12:30, half pastrami sandwich on rye, small cup of matzoh ball soup (didn't drink soup), small dish of vinegar slaw & 2 pickles, glass of water, hunger 3/5
If my normal well being is 10, and my sickest day was 1, today I feel 8.5. Work is going well - it's pressurized due to my absence, but I work with cool people and I feel like I understand where the pressures are coming from and why. Feel a bit low energy in the body, but my mind was so stultified by not leaving the house Tues-Sun, feel focused. But I needed this comfort food, desired red meat, a real craving! (My first non-sugar craving in memory!) Also, to be able to sit alone and read....

I'm into Kingsolver's book where she's describing the annual cycle of when vegetables are in season, and she spends a lot of time talking about tomatoes - big red hard industrial ones and boring Big Red Tomato seeds, vs. heirloom tomatoes. Then a large shard of memory just popped over my head, dousing my whole train of thought in tomatoes.

I grew up on Staten Island, with 2 parents and an older brother. We lived in a big 3 story house on a quiet street on a hill, with a terraced front yard and a nicely sized rectangular backyard, one side of which was fenced to avoid people falling off the wall to the driveway, the otherside a dirt-hump up to the neighbor's yard. When I was really young, probably 4 or 5, my parents grew vegetables on about a third of the space. All I remember is the tomatoes - how they made a big deal of the big red tomatoes they grew, always chopping them into salads. At some points they'd have too many, and give them away to friends. I think there were a few other vegetables they grew, but I don't remember what they were.

After a couple of years, they stopped, I don't remember why. I distinctly remember at the very end, my brother and I moved away and they sold the house to move into smaller digs - the grass on the 1/3 of the backyard that they grew vegetables was thicker, greener and longer than the grass anywhere else in the yard after all those years.

I really was a typical disgruntled kid growing up bored in the suburbs. Little did I know that little vegetable patch connected us to the entire history of the agricultural world in such a direct, tasty way. I wish I could talk to my parents about this, find out what they were thinking. They were so not just a boring, typical middleclass Jewish couple like I snottily assumed then, they were doing something quite cool and thoughtful, especially for the mid-70s. I was such a little dumbass, I miss them so much.

BP 3:30pm: 129/81
I noticed today is pressurized, and I'm feelin' the heat. Indeed, my bp is a little bit up. I wonder if there is a psychological method to lower my BP at times like this. Ilsa's breathing thing, perhaps?

PM SNACK: 4:30pm, bag of Robert's Smart Puffs, hunger 3/5
Tired. Good productive day, train only wobbled, never left the tracks. Gonna go home early.

DINNER: 8pm, small pork loin, quarter of kinish, mushrooms, one corn on the cob with butter and salt, one scoop of gelato, 1 small piece of homemade poundcake, hunger 4/5
Home made meal with the B and the guests. Nice. Kid is on a crazy eating schedule so had to wait till 10pm to serve up his birthday cake. Really yummy and dense, a little too sweet.

EVENING SNACK: 11pm, small piece of pound cake, hunger 2/5
Here is a new one: I wasn't craving sugar! I popped this in my mouth with a goal - I wanted to taste my cake with a clear palate, free of pork or icecream or whatever, to appreciate it's flavor. I (with the help of a hyperactive 4 year old) made this from scratch, and I was curious to focus on it's taste, not scarf it for it's sugar. I followed a recipe strictly, and I think on the next go around I'll reduce the sugar and up the lemon flavor...

Goin' Coco-nuts

BREAKFAST: 8:45am, a glass of water, small handful of unsalted pretzels, hippy tablet, hunger 1/5
Couldn't fall asleep till 4am due to wedding anxiety - yesterday was really the first day that was totally taken by wedding-related matters and nothing else. Fortunately, I know the #1 cause of my wedding anxiety and plan to address it tonight, hopefully resolve it as best as I can. Woke up groggy, food the last thing on my mind. But I knew I'd feel worse if ate nothing, so choked down some pretzels.

AM SNACK: 10:15, 11 oz coconut water, hunger 2/5
My friend Tamar read about my Gatorade dilemma and brought in a box of coconut water for me to try. Pleasantly but not overpoweringly sweet. Not as coconutty as I thought it would be, hints of pineapple. Slightly creamy mouth feel, like milk. High in sugar and potassium, hmmm, this definitely needs to be put to a bike-test, perhaps when me and T go on the NYC century together.

BP 10:30am: 126/95

LUNCH: 12:45pm, half a pastrami sandwich on rye with mustard, small cup of split pea soup with croutons, small bowl of vinegary slaw with 2 pickles, hunger 4/5
Work going well, but feel physically in need of comfort food, and a proper sit-down restaurant where I could read away my lunch hour. There is a Junior's on the ground floor of my building, and for this purpose, is perfect.

I'm in the early chapters of Kingsolver's book, and she's writing about what food culture is - it's not invented by a corporation, but comes naturally from the ground over time - "national and biological integrity". While embalmed cow is not quite what she had in mind, it is part of my personal food culture - this is what I grew up with, what my parents grew up with, what my grandparents (well, my dad's side, at least) grew up with. It's not the healthiest, but it makes me feel more connected to the world through my plate.

Yes, it is a salt trap of a meal, but a) the portion was a lot smaller than the usual head-sized meat portion, b) fries were sacrificed at the altar of Ilsa and c) no desert. Will this meal automatically raise my blood pressure, or is it more of a cumulative thing?

BP 1:45pm: 118/77

I guess that answers that a little. Feeling a desire for sweets. Greenmarket corn on the cob for dinner tonight, hopefully it'll help me contain a huge desert-fest....

BP 3:45pm: 118/65

LUNCH #2: 4pm, falafel on pita, hunger 4/5
Tired but feel good. Soul food from my mom's side.

DINNER: 7:15pm, large boneless porkchop with mushrooms in good butter and organic garlic, 3 ears boiled sweet corn with butter and salt, a large portion of dulche de leche gelato and 4 two-bite pecan pies, hunger=4/5
Left work early, browsed the Union Square greenmarket - some of the fruit and veg looked really good, but I have this hesitance - how do you cook it? I feel a subtle shift from fear to curiousity. In all my readings about the green market movement, it is said repeatedly that the Union Square greenmarket is both one of the first and one of the best. I'm almost embarrassed to admit that the only thing I bought from it for the past few years was wheatgrass....for my cat. Even my dad would shop there for veg....I thought he did it only because it was cheap....not because it was fresher and tastier.

Following some online instructions, I cooked the pork by browning on high heat then turning it down and covering the pan for a few minutes....it came up near perfect, if I was looking for well-done. Still juicy and porky, but I prefer it a little pinker. I'll get the hang of it eventually.

I purposely got a big, rich desert....with no chocolate elements. It'll be easier to resist later.

Eatin' Like I Mean It

ADDENDA: Summer friday off work, too rainy to ride. Laundry, food shopping, cooking....

BREAKFAST: 10am, pancakes and 4 pieces bacon, a little seltzer, hunger 4/5. Experimented with adding more milk for a thinner pancake, much better. Also, paying attention to WHY this is good, I could taste everything clearly, milk, eggs, flour, the butter it was cooked in. Wolkfing down pancakes from mix, you pay too much attention and you notice the weird industrial flavors....

LUNCH: 1:15pm, whole wheat totinni with pesto and sauted mushrooms, lemon seltzer, hunger 4/5. Went to pathmark for groceries just before, thought to look for lunch too. Felt like pasta, but on Ilsa's advice, thought it best to experiment with whole wheat. Only two brands had whole wheat versions, Barilla had a 'whole wheat blend' which involved plain white flour, eggs and a chemical mix of vitamins. Only Renzi, imported from Italy, was just plain whole wheat semolina, period. Not even water! Made it, not as bad as I remember, still there was a certain iffiness to it's chew. Can try boiling it an extra minute next time.

PM SNACK: 2:15pm, cherry italian ice, hunger 2/5. Craving sugar.

DINNER: 7pm, pork over cold rice noodles, a vegetable dumpling and a piece of grilled eggplant, hunger 4/5. Not enough food.

EVENING SNACK: 9pm, 2 donuts from dunkin' donuts, hunger 4/5. Craving sugar. Hungry. Worried about effecting tomorrow's ride.

Everything in the World is Salty.

ADDENDA:
Today I meet with Ilsa, so I need to recap the last couple of weeks, can't go in there with an empty head. Ofcouse, immediately after, I will be taking B to shmancy restaurant to celebrate our 2nd anniversary since our first date, where I will violate all sorts of rules and scripture. Actually, the restaurant local sources most of it's product, so it'll be a step above KFC.

I salted the brocolli yesterday. Exactly how much salt is a miligram? The low-salt cook book Ilsa gave me at my last meeting scares me a little - each recipe is obsessive about how much salt, down to measuring the trace amounts of salt in salt-free ingredients. EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD HAS SALT IN IT. I get it, let's move on. Plus, a lot of the recipes call for scary industrial things like 'low-salt bullion cube' and name some brand. I thought cooking means you use the unprocessed elements, and you use them like blocks to build something more than the sum of it's parts. Some of this low-salt cooking is more like low-salt preparing. Boiling dry pasta in salt-free water and throwing jarred sauce over it is preparing. Making pasta from flower and water by hand and throwing sauce over it you made yourself is cooking. I've been preparing for years, just like my mamma used to. I wanna cook.

My friend Tamar is going to ride the NYC Century with me in early September - she's not a dedicated cyclist, so this is a big deal for her. I would love to have her for company on a ride like this, so motivate her I promised that if she completed the century, I would take a month of yoga classes. I've never done yoga and think it's all a bit trendy and hyped, but she's just as hardcore about yoga as I am about cycling, and in September after the wedding, I'll have a head to focus on stuff more constructive than menus, guest lists and registries.

Rereading this blog, I don't know what I've learned these past few weeks...I guess my sweet tooth is larger than I thought, it took recording it open my eyes. My dad had a big sweet tooth, too, it lead him to diabetes in later life. Kicking diet coke was no big deal, don't think about it or desire it. Chocolate gelato, on the other hand....5 donut Sundays.....he he he.

I got broccoli and not asparagus yesterday because I was feeling lazy and never cooked asparagus before. I've seen veg like brocolli cooked on various food television shows and dealt with it before, but Asparagus is the great unknown...I've had it at restaurants, usually it's good, but....I gotta get out more.

BREAKFAST: 8:15 am, off-brand rice crispies with unhomogenized whole milk, hunger 4/5. A little insomnia last night, strong sugar cravings but knew it would keep me up longer. Couldn't sleep because felt excited about me and B's 2nd anniversary the next day, Tamar riding with me and yoga, good things at work. Woke up hungry, which is a nice feeling. You know you're alive. Fun to shake the milk, too. This was my first time drinking this milk, I only used it for pancakes before. Wow. It has this dairy flavor to it, and thickness to it, too. Sweet but not cloying.

LUNCH #1: 12:15am, 2 small trays of sushi, hunger 4/5. From the lobby shop of the building, absolutely horible, must of been sitting there for a few days. Just craving sushi. Did not use soy sauce. Reminds me of when I was a kid, was at some boyscout summer camp my older brother was attending, me and mom went on visiting day. Went into 'town' to a bar that had food. They mostly did burgers, but there was pizza on the menu. Both my brother and I desperately wanted pizza, but my mom warned us it was not wise to order pizza in a burger joint. We got it anyway, and despite our large appetites, could not eat most of it - it was disgusting. (I've since learned it unwise to order pizza anywhere except in the 5 boros and Italy) Don't order pizza in a burger joint and don't buy sushi in a corporate lobby.

PM SNAK: 20 oz still water

LUNCH #2: 3:45, falafel sandwich from kosher cart, hold the pickle, hunger 4/5. Funny, my stomach went from feeling queazy for hours after that suspicious sushi to hungry in the space of 5 minutes. Avoided a salty pickle, but the falafel balls themselves taste kinda salty, the same way the kasha did, but not as intense. Felt good to be hungry again.

PM SNACK: Didn't want to eat it, tried to resist, but there was a birthday in the office, tried not to go over, but unfortunately I like the people in my office. Was hoping to feel a little virtuous right before going to see Ilsa, oh well....

DINNER: 7:30pm, roasted pork loin with cheek, fragrant sausage, small amount of gnochi in butter sauce, heirloom tomato salad, fava and pecorino salad, few pieces of bread n' butter, water, 1 glass presecco, half a choclate & peanut butter tart with caramel icecream, hunger 2/5. Unfortunately that dumb cupcake destroyed my appetite, but this was STILL a fabulously tasty meal with a fabulously tasty woman, my 2nd anniversary with B. The only thing I didn't think was 5 stars was the desert, the tart was good but underwhelming.

Homework: Fail!

ADDENDA:
After dinner, B went home and I swung by Whole Foods on my bike. Picked up a 'reduced sodium' organic nitrite-free bacon & organic unhomongenized whole milk for tomorrow morning. Ilsa gave me an assignment of checking out some produce and let a new, unfamiliar vegetable call to me, expand my palate so to speak. I slowly looked through all the produce, hoping one would grab me....but none did. I think having just eaten a big meal and needing to pee, I was not totally focused. Gonna give it a go again on Sunday at the local farmer's market.

BREAKFAST: 10:30am. toasted bagel with good butter, hunger 4/5. Slept 12 hours, from 9pm-9am. The edge of the sickness I've felt all week came to a head on my summer Friday, when I don't have to go to work. Instead of riding, stayed on the couch. Not hungry much.

LUNCH: 1pm. mushroom knish, piece of chocolate tofu pie, hunger 4/5. Felt better.

DINNER: 6pm. chilled rice noodle with crispy pork & lime shrimp, grilled corn with coconut & spicy mayo, shitake crepe, water. Hunger 4/5. Feeling a lot better, met B at Kampuchea noodle bar, excellent malasian street food.

EVENING SNACK: 7:30, chocolate cinammon gelato & chocolate cupcake. hunger 3/5. From Laboratoria and Sugar Sweet Sunshine, a fully local desert. Nice to go home and have desert at home with B.

Alone Together

ADDENDA:
Feel like I ate a lot of sweets yesterday. Is it a reaction to or a cause of feeling a little ill? No snacking at all last night, and as usual B went to sleep before me, and I was up till around midnight. I wake at 7, and 7 hours is pretty much what I need to feel rested and focused, B tends to need 9. But just chilling, reading, knowing she's there for me sleeping, it's being alone but together with her. It's cool.

BREAKFAST: 7:45am, 1 slice tofu chocolate pie, lime seltzer. Hunger 1/5. Not hungry, feeling physically crappy, literally and figuratively, though mood-wise, I'm happy to be hanging out with Betsy. I just mistyped her name as "Besty", he. Tofu pie was pleasantly dense, though the olive oil crust was weird and needs more peanut butter.

LUNCH #1: 11:45am, 2 containers of sushi, hunger 3/5. Sushi not fresh or particularly good, but convient and easy from the cafeteria. Feel a little woozy, but better than this morning. The sticky vinigar rice in sushi is one of my favorite things, maybe I should learn to make it at home. Make Noah-Sushi.

PM SNACK: 3:30pm, chocolate icecream cone, hunger 3/5. Stomach a little icky, but my team invited me out for a walk to the icecream truck, so I went to be social and the icecream feels good in my throat n' tummy.

DINNER: 6:30pm, 2 pork medalions fried in butter w/onions, brown basmanti rice, green salad, diet black cherry soda, water, 3 pieces of tofu pie. Hunger 4.5/5. Hunger came back, salad was great - I think the weird after taste was either the dressing I used or a symptom of sickness. Ate huge amount, made up for not eating much all day. Felt a little light headed on the way home.

EVENING SNACK: 10:15pm, slice of local pizza, hunger 3/5. After eating all that, full but desirous for pizza. This is the first time I've noticed the taste of the salt in the pizza. Though I know conciously that it's a salty food, I never registered it through taste until now. I miss pizza.

EVENING SANCK: 11:30pm. piece tofu pie, hunger 3/5. Still hungry!! This settled me down, though.

Five Donut Saturday

ADDENDA:
Spent the weekend not thinking about my diet, other than when I was putting food in my face. I guess this post is more indicitive of my 'real' diet than when I'm constantly thinking about it.

Saturday - Woke up early to ride up to Croton Resevoir on my new mountain bike - fell off three times, took 10 hours, and was a truly epic ride. Not listed is about 200 oz of tap and bottled water.

BREAKFAST 6:15am toasted bagel & butter, 2 donuts, seltzer, hunger 2/5. Gotta start the ride right. Took the 2 donuts from teh Donut Plant on the Subway, so the sugar would still be hitting me when I got on the bike at Van Cortlandt park.

LUNCH: 1pm turkey and swiss on kaiser, corn chips, lots of water, hunger 4/5. In Ossining, realized my stomach was tight, disguising my hunger - on a ride like this, if you get hungry-hungry, you're too late. Ate this meal out of habit - it's what I always eat on a ride like this. A lot of salt, hmmm.

PM SNACK: nasty emergen-C water - During the ride, I tried this out instead of Gatorade, on Ilsa's advice. 3 packets in 22 oz of watert, pretty much to the packet's instructions. IT TASTED LITERALLY LIKE URINE, if I were to imagine what pee would taste like. Chugged about a 1/4 of the bottle, but couldn't drink anymore. Going to experiment with a less intense mix and maybe some honey.

PM SNACK: 3 cider donuts, hunger 4/5. Back in Ossening, went to the same deli for a 1.5 liter bottle of water, noticed the farmer's market across the street - why didn't I go THERE for lunch before, I thought. Without thinking before, it didn't even register. There were assorted baked goods I totally could of vibed to. So I had 3 smallish cider donuts, moist and delicious and fresh., an excellent sugary snack to keep me going when my energy was starting to get tapped. Had a slight headache before this, headache got bad soon after, undoubtedly egged on by the riding. Went away after a few miles.

PM SNACK: 6pm, cliff bar, hunger 4/5. Back on the train going home, starting to tighten muscles, loosen stomach. Had this for emergency use, and if I didn't eat it, I would of bonked. Got me home!

DINNER: 7pm - huge bowel of pasta in pesto & 2 pork medalions, hunger 4/5. Ridiculously large bowl of pasta, 2 big pieces of meat, very satisfying - and no headache or stomache ache, too. First time I've cooked myself read meat (excuse me, the other white meat) of this sort, pan fried with a little olive oil, sea salt and fresh pepper. Reminded me very much of when my mom would make pork chops in the broiler, always tough and overcooked. I thought I cooked them just right but forget they keep cooking themselves when you take them off the heat, which caused mine to be a little mom-like, but still delicious.

EVENING SNACK: 8:30 sugar free lemon ice - not hungry but desired something cold and sweet

EVENING SNACK: 11pm 2 graham crackers with nutella, hunger 3/5 - Cravings.


Sunday

ADDENDA: After breakfast, B took me to a slightly shady back rub place in Chinatown as a little gift. During the 30 minute rub down, my face was straight down in a hole in the table, nothing to distract or amuse me other than the hands beating the crap out of my muscles and bones. I thought of Ilsa's recommendation to try and take 2 minutes a day to focus just on breathing. When I did, I found myself catching my breathe, the same way it becomes hard to blink when you think about your automatic blink reponse. Weird. I gotta try it again when a little chinese woman with too much makeup isn't working me over.

BREAKFAST: 9am organic pancakes with organic bacon, seltzer, syrup, hunger 4/5. Pancakes were dry and a little bitter, going to experiment with adding whole milk and a little honey to the batter.

AM SNACK: Noon, raw stringbeans, hunger 4/5. On the ride back from the massage, we went to our new local farmers market for the first time. Got a lot of produce, some really yummy looking, some straight up weird - I had to be directed to the red onions because they were unrecognizable in their fresh, unprocessed form - both purple and white, with long green scallion-like stems, and no dry outter skin. Gonna make a rocking salad.

LUNCH 3pm - philly cheese steak with fries, tofu stick, 1 beer, water, hunger 4/5. Road bikes with B and a couple of good friends, wound our way out to Red Hook, to a bar. Could of ate something healthier, but desired this, something I usually don't crave. Felt ok, not great after. No headache. Noticed they served their fries with sea-salt.

PM SNACK: 4pm pint of mint chocolate chip soy icecream shared 4 ways, hunger 2/5. Sat on the outside deck of the Redhook Fairway looking at the water.

PM SNACK: 8pm diet sprite, not hungry at all but desirous of something sweet.

DINNER: 9:30pm 3 corn on cob, good butter and sea salt, hunger 2/5. Not hungry enough for dinner, but got this corn at the farmers market. SWEET and AMAZING, best corn this summer so far.

EVENING SNACK: 11pm, piece of potato nik, hunger 3/5. Afraid I'd get hungrier if I didn't eat something. From freezer, a savory potato bread from a local kosher bakery.