5 Hour Rush (Stupid, Stupid Scale)

Today in the restaurant, I started out making the tiramisu, a sweet dish I never made in school, but again, followed the recipe given. Made me think how the ingredients included Italian ladyfinger cookies and instant espresso -- if we were real high falutin', they'd be made properly on premises. Since it was Friday, we had to make two batches of pizza dough, each one 24 kg. The picture above is one batch mixing in the Hobart mixer -- that's my food on the lower left. Big dough, yo. Chef R criticized me a few times for sloppiness with the flour, and I was glad -- she's not a pushover, she's paying attention, and most importantly, she gives a shiz about the details.

I met C, who also does pizza at the restaurant, a graduate of my c-school. The three of us portioned and balled the dough, got the square pies for slices in the oven, stretched and baked the focaccia. At 5pm sharp, customers started coming in and it didn't really let up till 10:30.

Toward the end, I was in the back kitchen with the crew prepping some mise for tomorrow -- a couple of gallons of cherry tomatoes fell under my knife, then family dinner with the front-of-house peeps and the owner's wife -- a good, friendly vibe, everyone energized by the five hour rush, relieved it was over.

Down the street, this outdated billboard:


Hot Bird was the previous restaurant in the space of the pizzeria's sister restaurant. How fickle and churning the restaurant scene is.
ADDENDA:
Went to the doc this morning for a check up. On the positive side, my blood pressure was a shocking 119/84 -- I had him measure it twice. Part of my original motivation for c-school was health reasons. If I were to get control of the issues that were my father's main health problem, I had to 'watch what I eat'. Watch, sure, I watched all sorts of crap in large quantities fly down my throat. If I were going to stop eating out so much and cook more....

On the negative side I weighed in at 225. When I got home 30 minutes later, I was back to 219. Perhaps time for a new scale.

BRUNCH: 10am, large green salad, millet and sausage, homemade vanilla ice cream, 1.5 bowl, hunger 4/5

PM SNACK: 6:30pm, 1 slice pizza, black cherry soda, .75 bowl

DINNER: 11pm, rigatoni with mushroom, small slice of lemon cake, water, 2 bowl

EVENING WATERING: 12:15pm, quart o' tap

Ballz

ADDENDA:
Went to bed last night hungry, though not can't-think hungry. I drank a quart of water around 11pm that helped (thank goodness I'm too young for bladder issues!) Woke up mildly hungry, as my stomach is tight when I just rise, but soon enough breakfast was calling

BREAKFAST: 8am, granola with good milk, 1 bowl, hunger 4/5
About twice the amount I've eaten in the past, very satisfying. Once the 'Feed' brand is out, gonna get more hippie-friendly lower-sugar farmer's market granola.

AM BP: 127/98
That's a good number (for me), makes me want to measure me more often to see if it's legit.

LUNCH: 1pm, turkey sandwich, sesame noodles, water, 2 bowls, hunger 4/5
After a tour of vegan-unfriendly sandwich shops of midtown with the HVS, finally made it back to the office for a nice lunch.

PM SNACK: 5pm, bag of potato chips, .5 bowl, hunger 4/5

PM SNACK: 5:15-6pm, 10 or so small matzoh balls, 1 bowl, hunger 4/5
I went uptown to assist my mother-in-law in making a large batch of matzoh balls for Passover, and once they were done, as she'd turn around or look away, I'd shove one in my mouth. They were goooood. Full of egg and oil. And there is something satisfying about sneaking food behind the back of a parental figure, a pleasure I have not indulged in since I was 11 or so.

DINNER: 6:45pm, tortellini in olive oil & garlic, matzoh ball soup, water, 1.5 bowls, hunger 3/5

EVENING SNACK: 8:15pm, small piece of chocolate bundt, .5 bowl, hunger 4/5

AM SNACK: 1am, small cup of pistachios, .25 bowl, hunger 4/5
Was crazy hungry, but was able to stay in control. After creating a ramekin of shells, waited through my insomnia till the hunger became manageable, rather than binging.

"Results Not Typical"

ADDENDA:
I will be starting Culinary School in a few weeks. My work search has come up with a bunch of freelance projects, but no regular gig. I think I'm going to slightly change up this blog - I will still record everything I eat and my feelings around it, but will also focus on the experience of being a culinary student, one who is doing it mid-life rather than as an inexperienced high school graduate. Feel free to email me ideas for a new title! "Kulinary Kicks"? "Konstantly Kooking"? "Kitchen Krazed Klassroom"? Hmmmm....

Weight this morning 230, I suspect I didn't drink enough water. My blood pressure is 131/88, which is a little high, but average for me.

I'm working on the computer and the Food Network is on in the background. The TV commercials are blowing my mind - a show about crappy diner food is sponsored by a stool softener. Queen Latifah blagging some weight loss pill, bragging how much she lost while a small "RESULTS NOT TYPICAL" appears in the corner. Menopause hormone replacement meds during a biography of Julia Child. Yes, we all want to be free...from the need to poop and being a fat-ass!

BREAKFAST: 9am, apple, .25 bowl, hunger 3/5

LUNCH: 1:15pm, shrimp curry with jasmine rice, a couple pieces of nan, onion bahji with chutney, poppadom, water, 2 bowls, hunger 4/5
Midtown lunch with Erikka after taking a meeting in the office. Food was a bit eh, but was really good company - funny how that makes most food more enjoyable.

PM WATERING: 3:30pm, 24 oz freshly made seltzer
Just blew threw almost 2 c-notes at Whole Foods, with about 12 plastic bags full of groceries hanging off of all ends of the bicycle.

DINNER PT 1: 6:30pm, baby spinach salad, lots of shards of shortbread, 2 bowls, hunger 4/5
Made a variation of the baby spinach salad with red bell pepper, radishes, scallion, cuce, carrots and left out the red onion and roasted nuts.

Wanted to use up some old whole wheat pastry flour, so whipped up a batch of short bread while doing laundry. I threw in some vanilla flavoring (which I got by accident - extract is suspended in alcohol, this stuff is in glycerin - not as flavorful) which seemed to alter the dough. Despite refrigerating for 30 minutes, the dough refused to keep any shape and ended up being shapeless flat blobs on the baking pans. Coming out of the oven, they took a wonderful light-brown sheen. On the one hand, they are extremely crumbly and fragile and I ate maybe a half bowl of short bread by picking up the pieces. On the other hand, the short bread is unexpectedly light in the mouth and the good butter I used pleasantly coats the mouth without being overly greasy. I stuck with the recipe's call for confectioner's sugar, but next time I think I'll experiment with brown sugar, get a more caramelized thing going.

I guess I chomped up the beginning and end of a big dinner, maybe I should just skip the middle, see how I feel in a few hours....

DINNER PT 2: 9:30pm, boca burger with pickles on whole wheat toast, 4 pieces of vegetable nori roll, a small handful of short bread, 1.5 bowls, 12 oz seltzer, hunger 4/5
Hunger came knocking, ate more shortbread to cut it off.

Don't Go to Remedy Diner, It Sucks!

ADDENDA:
Slept like a brick last night, solid 11 hours of sleep, first full sleep in a week, feel good. Before eating, hopped on the scale, and the scale says 232, huh. Looking forward to getting a bit more active this week, a bike ride, a yoga class, hopefully an interview or two, some kissin' on my B, some good cookin', some good eatin'...

BP 11:15am: 136/101
Not happy with that number. Got to watch this closely for the next few days.

BRUNCH: Noon, left over clam pie, grape soda, 2.5 bowls, hunger 4/5
The pie reheated excellently in the oven, really made me appreciate how I could never make this at home for two reasons - one, the clams, despite being a day old, still tasted fresher than anything out of a can. Two, the coal-char on the bottom of the pie gives a certain mildly bitter taste to the crusty part of the crust that is such a great contrast to the sweeter chewier parts.

PM SNACK: 6:30pm, baby spinach salad with oo&v, roasted cashews, 1 bowl, hunger 4/5

PM SNACK: 7:15pm, banana, .25 bowl, hunger 4/5
Trying to hold out for when I meet up with B later this eve.

DINNER: 8:45pm, small green salad, 1 piece of whole wheat bread, sauted shrimp in wine sauce over yellow rice and peas, vegan peanutbutter cheesecake, water, 2.5 bowls
Me and B went to a new spot in our hood, Remedy Diner on Houston, and man, did it suck. Beside the cheesy decor and the bad service, the food was kind of badly cooked and came out of the kitchen not as described on the menu. And expensive to boot! We scooted over to Atlas for vegan treats to make up for the lackluster meal, which I now regret because I got a thumping headache from the sugar. Gonna drink some water...

EVENING WATERING: 10:15pm, 24 oz still

I'm Bringing the Water Bottle Back

ADDENDA:
It's weirdly stressful being at the office, despite it being fun, cool peeps, and getting paid two weeks salary for 8 hours of work on top of my severance. There are things I will miss, though this being the beginning of the presentation season, I might get a few more cracks at bat by March.

BREAKFAST: 7:15am, organic wholegrain chex with good milk, hunger 3/5

BP 8:15am, 138/88
High, I wonder if this is because of the meal I just ate, because I'm tired and feeling weird about spending the day in the office today, or that maybe I'm a little dehydrated.

AM WATERING: 9:15am, 24 oz still
Brought my water bottle back, a comforting totem.

LUNCH: 11am, turkey & Swiss sandwich, bag of potato chips, hunger 4/5
Got really hungry. Limited options on a Saturday in Times Square. Went into McDonalds with the idea of a veggie burger and fries, but when I got to the counter, I just felt....repulsed.

PM SNACK: 12:30, piece of garlic bread, 1 french fry, hunger 3/5
Coworkers chowing down.

PM SNACK: 2:30, slice of pizza with all sorts of crap on it, hunger 3/5
Left over pizza, feeling nibbly. Not very good.

PM SNACK: 6pm, a few bits of homemade roasted potatoes, hunger 4/5

DINNER: 7:30pm, 100 year old duck egg & ginger, pork dumplings, weird bbq pork chops, beef with noodles, salt & pepper whole fried shrimp, odd sauteed Chinese greens, tea, chocolate pan dan ice cream, hunger 4/5
Went to Chinatown with my friend Yana, who is Chinese herself. Went to a random place with minimal English and no white people inside (myself excepted) and she spoke to the waiter to send us stuff off the menu. A few times during their conversation they glanced at me and pointed at me, afterwards she said he was suggesting stuff that white people don't like. The 100 year old egg was a stretch, it looked a bit gruesome, but was surprisingly pleasant in it's contrasting bitterness and smooth custardy texture. We went to the Ice Cream Factory, 2nd time this week for me, and I had Chocolate Pan Dan, which had a wonderfully pleasant tone of coconut and peanuts.

Out of Work Work

ADDENDA:
I got laid off yesterday, it was both unexpected and expected. Due to political upheaval that started months and months ago, my work load was dwindling and the department contracting. On coming back from vacation, I found myself with no new work and nothing being set up, so I asked for a meeting with my direct supervisor to discuss it - sitting around feeling uneasy for a day is quite enough - if I didn't ask for the meeting, how long would I of lingered?

To cut a boring cliched story short, the story of the political shifts explained, promises of recommendation letters were made, severance through February given (good, as I've only been there a year) and a card and a firm handshake.

Going back today briefly to tie up loose ends and clear out the desk, then uptown to a friend for dinner who has been abroad for the last 6 months and came back to find she got laid off from the job she was promised to return to.

Too early to think too much of the future, but I know it wants to involve food. Chef's school? Project management for food TV? Manage a kitchen? Start my own company? I think I need to go through the stages of grief before I really get into it.

BP 10:30am, 136/102
First time I've taken BP on an empty stomach.

BREAKFAST: 11am, organic wholegrain chex with good milk, hunger 4/5

PM SNACK: 12:30pm, 24 oz still water, 2 saltless wholewheat pretzels, hunger 3/5
Got on the bike, caught the 11:30 ferry to SI, went passed the house I grew up and other places that were rich with associations with my parents. Went to Silver Lake, where my dad would take me after preschool and let me run wild with a Big Wheel that he kept in the trunk. Sat on a bench where I sat with him once and read together, sat alone and read and talked to peeps and things. It was nice communing with memories of a much simpler, happier time. As much as I knock it, I had a mostly happy childhood.

LUNCH: 4pm, 1 slice of streetza, hunger 4/5
Road from the ferry to Times Square to take the corpse-walk at the office. As I was heading over, felt both really hunger and really not. I asked myself, as much as I really need to eat less and lose weight blah blah blah, would Ilsa really think positively of this? Of course not! So I stopped at the closest pizza place and grabbed a slice. Despite being hungry, it tasted bleah. The sauce was tangy and bland at the same time, the dough was crisp but too thick so it had a mushy layer.

Took care of my loose ends quickly, said good bye, surprised by people's emotionality. The work itself wasn't horrendously captivating and I won't miss it, but the people were cool as hell. If not professional contacts, I've gained a few social friends out of the matter.

DINNER: 6:30pm, small green salad, rigatoni with homemade sauce, chocolate sorbet, 2 glasses red wine, 1 pint water, hunger 4/5
Road up to Washington Heights to visit an old friend who was in Helsinki for 6 months on a Fulbright, and just got back a few days ago to find herself laid off. It was nice meeting someone who wanted to talk about themselves (not because she's self centered, it's just that she had a lot to say - she met and got engaged to a dude there!!) AND could commiserate about the work thing (though she has lots of options and interests, I'm more of going back to the soil to grow something new altogether...)

She originally told me she was going to serve berries for dessert, and on the ride up I decided I was going to bite the bullet and eat berries for the first time since I was 5 or 6 years old. She said they didn't look that great at the market, so went the chocolate route....phew!

EVENING SNACK: 11pm, bowl of veggie booty, hunger 4/5
After spending an hour of intense/emotional/good conversation with the wifey, feel better about things. She went to bed, and my appetite returned a little.

Feelin' like a lazy fat cat

ADDENDA:
Not to sound too much like a chick, but I do feel fat. The pants around my belly are tight, my back has been aching a little the past few days and I can't help but think it's because of the weight I'm dragging around. Not been riding my bike at all, no time for getting into the beginning phases of a yoga habit, haven't been to the farmers market in too long. Look forward to getting back in a rhythm.

BREAKFAST: 6am, good yogurt with raw nuts, honey, vanilla, hunger 4/5
House guests arrived in the wee hours, couldn't get back to sleep so I ate and watched the tube. Funny how interrupted sleep can rev the appetite.

AM SNACK: 8am, banana, hunger 4/5

AM WATERING: 10am, 24 oz still

BP: 10:15am, 129/97

LUNCH: 1:30pm, bread with three olive oils, asparagus over mushroom, pancetta and puffy dough, pumpkin & funky cheese raviolis, 1 glass white wine, chocolate soufle with vanilla icecream, 3 small pieces of chocolate, hunger 4/5
Nice holiday lunch at Fig & Olive on 13th street. The HVS forced those three chocolates on me, she almost got violent.

DINNER: 6:30pm, small green salad, assortment of pieces of homemade pizzas, chocolate and mint ice cream, 1 glass presecco, water, hunger 4/5
Cooked up a storm for some house guests, relatives staying with me from Israel. Pizzas came out pretty good this time. Used fresh sweet sopressetta as the featured meat - on the pizza, came out like the perfect alternative to pepperoni - thin so it got crispy on the edges, pleasingly fatty but did not leave pools of grease on the 'za.

In Praise of Dirt Pills

ADDENDA:
Though I don't really mention it, I've been taking 1 multivitamin a day since I dedicated myself to improving my well-being through diet. Yesterday, I ran out of a 90 tablet bottle, marking about 4 straight months of consuming these religiously. I was a bit suspicious when Ilsa recommended them - shouldn't I be getting all the nutrition I need from the food I eat? But if it wasn't going to do harm, I'd try it.

Unfortunately, I implemented a number of changes at the same time I started taking these tablets, so I can't say with certainty what they've done for me, but they certainly have not harmed me. The combination of cutting back the sweets, cooking more, thinking more about what food does to me, being married n' stuff.

BREAKFAST: 8am, organic wholegrain crispex with whole homogenized organic milk, banana, hunger 3/5

AM WATERING: 9:45am, 24 oz still

BP: 10:15am, 133/90

LUNCH: 12:15pm, curry ramen soup, 3 pork gyoza, 1 large chocolate chip cookie ice cream sammich, hunger 4/5
Didn't get the pork, as I porked out last night. The ramen soup was curry-ful, but unsatisfying, not tasty enough and not enough food! So I got this dessert from the commissary in the building, very industrial tasting....but satisfying. Still, something is lacking in it. Like McDonalds, it's over-processed and full of shitty ingredients, so it gives the impression of the food it's supposed to be, but doesn't quite deliver.

PM SNACK: 3pm, handful of m&ms, hunger 3/5
Snarfed these in the common area, immediately regretted it. I blame the holidays.

DINNER: 6pm, sampling of hummus, baba, redbean stew, zuchini pancake with yogurt, bread, entree of grilled lamb and veg with rice and potatoes, 1 glass wine, small sampling of sweets including almond pudding, halava, weird moist grainy cake, baklava, water
Dinner at Turkish Kitchen with B, Corinna and Tom, a proper holiday-time couply get together over food. Ate a bit too much.

More Mood, Less Food

ADDENDA:
Had an interesting meeting with Ilsa last night. I'm feeling a lot of anger and ill will towards my work in general since the since-backed off corporate directives a few weeks ago, despite never feeling more happy with the people I actually work with day to day. That brick o' Chinese I scarfed the other day was probably a result of that pressure. I shouldn't let it get to me that way.

I had a friend who when she got upset at herself, would literally smack herself on the head till she bled. Is scarfing a block of sodium-infused lard with some noodles in it so different, especially when I'm not even that hungry? Ilsa is afraid pressures will cause me to backslide, when I should be simply maintaining my healthier habits through these cold winter months. I got to get a handle on this.

BREAKFAST: 8:30am, good yogurt with raw nuts, honey, vanilla, hunger 3/5

AM WATERING: 9:45am, 24 oz still

BP: 9:50am, 137/91
Despite being tired, did not sleep well last night, kept on #2ing for a few hours, then watched bad TV for an hour. Determined to eat better today, aim to go home tonight and aim for some quality ZZZs.

LUNCH: 12:45pm, superhippy peanutbutter sandwich, hummus with carrots, cuce, red pepper, celery, a few bites of cod, hunger 4/5
Cod tasted fresh, but underdressed. Next time, I'll get you, Cod!!

PM SNACK: 4:30pm, organic Fuji apple, raw milk appeller funky cheese, hunger 4/5
Chocolate being spread around the office, I heroically resisted.

DINNER: 7:45pm, 4 fresh spring rolls with shrimp, sauteed pork medallions in a mushroom wine sauce over brown jasmine rice, liter of seltzer, hunger 4/5
Oh my, this was an interest mealing meal. Click on the pic for an upclose look! Too bad these computers don't do smellovision - while the final result proved this to still be in the experimental stage, the smell in the kitchen was overwhelmingly intensely delicious.

When Ilsa was scolding me about how she doesn't care if I eat good pork every day, as long as I stay away from the bricks o' Chinese food. So I picked up a thick pork medallion and mushrooms on the way home. Rather than simply grill it and throw it over rice, I went on line and got an interesting recipe. However, I kinda winged it and added white wine, subtracted whatever 'savory' is, crushed dried rosemary in a pestle, replaced chicken stock with a container of veal stock I had in the freezer (picked up on a random shopping trip ages ago) and let rip.

Two things surprised me. One is the veal stock. I bought it originally because I read somewhere that veal stock is the 'secret weapon' of many chefs - it has the magical ability to make anything tastier. And my god, it does! I've eaten veal stock many times before but didn't know it - it's that indescribable delicious mouth feel that is like eating velvet. Damn, it's good.

Second is even though I tried to undercook the meat (browned 1 minute on each side instead of 2, let simmer in the sauce for 10 minutes instead of 15), it was STILL a little pale, dry and overcooked. Next time I do this recipe I'm going to brown it at higher heat for less time, simmer it in the sauce for less time, and get a fattier cut of meat that is still on the bone.

The Morning Afer

ADDENDA:
I brought some green M&Ms to work this morning, thinking I didn't want to eat them but peeps will. However, I had an unopened 2 liter bottle of Coca Cola I didn't think twice about pouring down the drain. Over lunch I just read the final parts of the third of the Ominvore's Dilemma about corn, and of all foods that are derived from corn, soda is 100% from that plant. I poured corn down the drain, which was grown with fertilizer that was refined from the same barrels of petroleum that gasoline is refined from. Pouring oil down the drain. Such a tremendous waste, no wonder countries with food shortages hate us.

BREAKFAST: 8:30am, organic cheerios with organic homogenized milk, hunger 3/5
I could taste the difference in the homogenization, just tasted....less milky, more watery, despite being full-fat.

AM WATERING: 9:45am, 24 oz still
On the ride to work in the cold, I was actually looking forward to drinking water. The good thing about riding a desk for a living (and keeping this blog) is I'm starting to appreciate how this little things make a bigger difference than I thought. Maybe I should start watching my water intake closer on the weekends.

BP: 10:15am, 126/90

LUNCH: 1pm, setain sesame medallions over broccoli with brown rice, 2 spring rolls, large scallion pancake, 2 glasses water, hunger 4/5
Nice sit down lunch at Zen Palate.

PM WATERING: 3pm, 24 oz still
I guess I was a little dehydrated.

PM SNACK: 4pm, 1 small chocolate-coated ice cream nugget, hunger 3/5
Giving buckets of this stuff away at the general staff meeting. I'd rather have sick days paid. Is there any food stuff that can't be processed into nugget form?

DINNER: 9pm, baked cod with butter and garlic, 2 baked potatoes, large piece of mud pie, pint of seltzer, hunger 4/5
Never cooked cod before, did it very conservatively, came out eh. Realized afterward I cooked it EXACTLY like my mom would cook it. Grease pan, place pieces of hard butter over the top, through on a little crushed garlic in lumps, into the oven. Next time I will melt the butter in a pan, infuse it with sliced garlic, reduce some white wine into it, then kind of bathe/poach the fish. Maybe a little bit of sea salt, a few mushrooms or maybe stringbeans in the pan to enjoy the bath. Now THAT could be good.

Got the mud pie on purpose, just one large serving so as to not to let it roll over a few days that would otherwise be potentially sweet-free. In the past, I've gotten this cake to go along with store-bought gelato. Without it, it was just not that remarkable. Didn't enjoy it as much as I did, and the fact that it wasn't extinguishing some sort of sugar lust didn't help.

Not the book to read when feeling down

ADDENDA:
Going to movies/dinner tonight with peeps, so I took the bus to work this morning, finally getting back into "The Omnivore's Dilemma" after a pause. Great book, but not a happy read. Reading about the wet-milling of corn to make those 20 extra ingredients that appear on the label of a processed food. The industrial food complex just seems so....inescapable. But as they say, a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, so I better move on and finish book, hopefully it proffers a sunny side!

BREAKFAST: 8am, 4 pancakes, 6 strips of bacon, hunger 4/5
Sleeping 10 hours and no sweets the day before will do this to you. The bacon is the organic nitrite-free kind from the farmer's market. Amazing how much tastier and, ummm, baconier it is than the stuff I got served in Vegas.

AM WATERING: 9:45am, 24 oz still

BP: 10:15am, 130/84

LUNCH: 1pm, chickpeas, black lentils, saag paneer, rice, naan, yogurt sauce, raw onion, hunger 4/5
Kept reading over lunch, it just gets scarier. Now he's recounting the history of the 'super-sized' meal, and our evolved predilection not to eat till we're full, but to eat as much as possible to get ready for the lean times that don't come anymore.

PM WATERING: 3:30pm, 24 oz still

PM DRUGGING: 3:30pm, 2 extra strength tylenol
Feel a little parched, headachey, almost a pre-fever state. Thought the sleep last night would knock out whatever was up, but I guess I better take it easy this weekend. If I get sick, it's all Sumner Redstone's fault!

PM SNACK: 6:15pm, 1 saltless wholewheat pretzel, half bag of salty popcorn, hunger 4/5
At da movies

DINNER: 9pm, pasta with pesto, few bites of wild boar lasagne, chickpea pancake thing, few bites of duck salami, 1 glass presecco, water, hunger 4/5
Nice dinner with B & Danny in Hell's Kitchen. Good upbeat way to close down an otherwise crappy week, due to work.

EVENING SNACK: 11:15pm, salad, 2 slices cheeseless mushroom pizza, hunger 4/5
Still hungry. Kinda craving sugar, but the chocolate in the cupboard will keep me up. Ate these left overs, very satisfying.

In Need of a Sweet Methadone

ADDENDA:
Why did I eat that brownie last night? I don't ask that because I feel guilty (I don't), it's just that I'm trying to understand my behavior. I had a relatively healthful meal out that I enjoyed with my B, then we went to the movies at the Anjelika. I was still a little hungry, as barely 20 minutes passed between finishing the meal and sitting down for the movie. However, my sugar-cravings came back as hard as they ever were. B was buying coffee, so I said fuck it, and got a big ol' brownie with a choco-peanut butter frosting.

The frosting tasted kinda fakey and not horrendously fresh. The brownie itself was too cakey to be really decadent. Even as I was eating it, I was thinking, "Eh." However, the blood lust I had for sweet pretty much dissipated after the 2nd bite, allowing me to focus on the flick, until maybe 5 minutes later I realized I had a small emerging headache and a stomach that felt like I just drank a shot of liquid latex. Very odd.

This morning I was thinking about how I much I would of rather not of felt crappy because of a sweet I didn't enjoy. Heroin addicts take their methadone to curb their cravings, maybe I need a methadone for sweets. Maybe carry packets of brown sugar around, and just down it when the cravings attack and there are no top-shelf sweets available? Then I remembered - I've been carrying these spearmint mints around with me for months in my bag for that very purpose, bu I forgot about them! Doh!

Advice to all the lovers of the world: If you're gonna get all kissy on your husband or wife, don't let coffee and stinky cheese be the last 2 things you ate. I'm just sayin'.

BREAKFAST: 8:30am, organic corn flakes & good milk, small banana, hunger 3/5

AM WATERING: 9:45am, 24 oz still

BP: 10am, 134/94
Do have that pre-headachey feeling. Maybe just thinking about that brownie last night is doing it to me.

AM SNACK: 11:30am, baggie of saltless shelled cashews, hunger 4/5

LUNCH: 12:45pm, sesame tofu, small container of baby carrots, hunger 4/5
Got the tofu from wholefoods the other day, good but my serving has 860mg of sodium, about 1/3 of the USDA recommendation. Didn't TASTE salty, but I know that doesn't mean much. I guess this means this is 3 days straight of taking lunch to work, but it's only because I knew I'd be eating out last night and tonight....and come to think of it, tomorrow night. I think limiting myself to a maximum of 1 non-homemade meal a day is a good rule. Then again, how is a container of salty fried tofu from Wholefoods really "homemade"? Hmmmm....

PM WATERING: 3pm, 24 oz still

PM SNACK: 3pm, 3 saltless whole wheat pretzels, hunger 3/5

PM SNACK: 4:45pm, large organic fuji apple, piece of funky cheese, hunger 3/5
Feel tired. Gonna go home and cook instead of going out to an openning with a friend. Betsy won't be home for dinner so I can cater just to my taste...

DINNER: 6:30pm. half a cheeseless mushroom pizza, large quantity of green salad with too many olives in it, water, hunger 4/5
Seems the HVS had some free time before yoga, so we supped before I went home at Patsy's. The pizza was good, the lack of cheese made me focus more on the two other main ingredients - the sauce was a bit too sweet and the crust lacked snap in the middle - the lack of cheesy grease should of allowed to to get firmer.

Watched TV for a bit, but fell asleep so I put myself to bed around 9. Was craving sugar during TV but was too tired to motivate. I think I'm still a bit depressed about work, even though a lot of what was happening is now moot, I just feel a little bit dissed and disrespected. I know I shouldn't act emotionally to the actions of a soulless, faceless corporation, but I just can't shake the feeling I'm selling myself short by staying there indefinitely. Come next month after the holiday madness, I'm going start properly looking for new work to advance the goal of creating a stable financial base to raise a family AND a position where I can advance.

Adventures in Creme Fraiche & the Dopey Delicacies of my Mom

ADDENDA:
I never liked sour cream much. I remember when I was really small, I believe my mom made a really lame rendition of matzohbrie, and she served it with sour cream. I refused to eat it, and she said that sour cream was a delicacy, that I was foolish not to eat it. By delicacy I thought she meant rare and very expensive. Years later, in my teens, I saw that sour cream was neither rare nor that expensive, and the seeds for years of parental-challenging eating were planted.

Last night as I was shopping for ingredients for latkes, I almost couldn't find matzoh meal - I thought, my god, am I such a bad Jew that I shop at supermarkets that don't have such a soulful staple? At Wholefoods it wasn't in the baking aisle, but segregated with the Semitic foodstuffs like jarred gefilte fish and beety horseradish. I went to the dairy case to find creme fraiche - and found a variety of expensive organic sour creams but none of the French stuff. I eventually stumbled onto it in the cheese section, along with the more unusual, pricey imported cheeses. Now THIS is rare and expensive!

The latkes came out good, but I have ideas how to make them better next time. However, the creme fraiche....was a delicious delicacy. Though I've had it served to me before, I never quite knew what it was or paid it much mind. When I saw this latke recipe, I first thought it was pretentious language for fresh whipped cream. It's actually a mildly cultured heavy cream, somewhere between sour cream and mild yogurt, but much more buttery & creamy tasting. Eating it with my latkes was a revelation. I wish my mom was around so I could both share this 'delicacy' with her, at the same time nervily rebutting her assertion that sour cream was somehow something to be held as dear. Maybe she was right, but the arguing of such a silly matter would of brought us both a lot of giggles. And I could hear her enjoying it, but complaining about how expensive it was for such a tiny little tub...

On a lighter note, my employer just caved in on a few key points, things may turn out OK yet.

BREAKFAST: 8am, good yogurt with honey, vanilla, raw cashews, hunger 3/5

AM WATERING: 9:45am, 24 oz still

BP: 10am, 131/88

PM SNACK: 12pm, bag of unsalted shelled pistachios, hunger 4/5
Donated about 1/4 of the bag to the HVS holiday drive.

LUNCH: 1pm, leftover lamb sausage and latkes, creme fraiche, hunger 4/5
The microwave was very unkind to this meal. Still, yummy.

PM SNACK: 4pm, big crunchy fuji apple and a small piece of apenthaller funk-cheese, hunger 4/5
Quite good.

DINNER: 6:15pm, hijiki tofu patty on wholewheat pita, large spinach salad with carrot dressing, small plate of cold sesame noodles, water, hunger 4/5
Quick dinner before the movies at Dojo.

EVENING SNACK: 7pm, large peanut-butter brownie, hunger 4/5
Oy, what a mistake. Killed my cravings, but I immediately felt a little physically yucky.

Feel like la-la-la-latkes tonite!

ADDENDA:
Not surprised my BP is a little high this morning, feel a slight headache, know I haven't been eating as well as I normally do lately. Today is the day to snap back. Started with a good breakfast, packed a lunch even the HVS would approve of (minus the raw goat's milk cheese to compliment the apple), and tonight I'm going to hit up the market for supplies then attempt a latke recipe out of Saveur magazine.

My grandmother made latkes, but my mom never did. The recipe in the mag is surprising straight forward - grated potato and onion, matzo meal, egg, chive, salt and pepper and oil. They do, however, get all fancy pants and suggest alternates to apple sauce or sour cream, like creme fraiche...hmmmm. I kinda feel like I'm in the experimental stages of creating a new tradition, so when my kid/kids come along, I'll already have something yummy up my sleeve to pop on them.

Just received the Global sharpening steel in the mail today, I feel like a kid with a new toy - I can't wait to hone my blades tonight before chopping something!

My recent stress at work has been getting a lot of news coverage lately. Though it's hitting the papers now, I feel for the most part it's over, at least for me.

BREAKFAST: 8am, organic wholegrain chex with good milk, 1 small banana, hunger 4/5

AM WATERING: 10:15am, 24 oz still

BP: 11am, 132/96

LUNCH: 1pm, superhippy peanutbutter sammich, baby carrots with homemade hummus, hunger 4/5

PM SNACK: 4pm, apple and a small amount of funky cheese, hunger 4/5
I think my funky cheese turned or something. Oh well.

PM SNACK: 5pm, Roberts Smart Puffs, hunger 4/5
Very hungry, don't want to go nuts as it'll take an hour or so to make dinner once I get home. Craving sugar, cookies looked good, but damn, after eating crappy for the last 4-5 days, I gotta focus on making sweet-free days not so special!

PM SNACK: 6:30pm, unsalted pistachios in shell, hunger 4/5
Picked these up as a potential interesting daytime snack, but felt too hungry to start cooking without a handful of something.

DINNER: 7:30pm, curry lamb sausage with mushrooms, homemade potato latkes with creme fraiche, seltzer, hunger 4/5
Oh my. This came out good. I thought I used a lot of salt, as the preparation called for salting the shredded potatoes and onion over a sieve to sweat out the liquid. I guess salt got sweated out too, because the final product was not salty at all - I imagine some might even call it bordering on bland (but was just right for me!) Couldn't find chives at the market, next time if I can't I'll go nuts with some scallion, that might excite the flavor profile.

EVENING SNACK: 9:30pm, 1.5 oz chunk of Sharfen Berger 70% dark chocolate, hunger 3/5
Betsy snarfed those horrid soy ice cream sandwiches right after dinner, I couldn't be bothered. However, after an hour I started craving sugar and by 9:30 the drums were so loud in my ears. I went to into the kitchen, thinking, "Good! I know there is no sweets here so I'll be able to resist!" Unfortunately, on the top shelf there was a high-quality piece of cooking chocolate, left over from my gelato-making. I only ate 1/3 of it, and for the next 30 minutes I craved more, but it passed.

I was surprised - I had a very satisfying, heavy meal for dinner. Maybe it was because of the potato factor?

Off to Las Vegas

ADDENDA:
I passed the fresh scene of this accident on the way to work yesterday. It's my normal bike route, and the cops rerouted me off the bike lane into traffic to avoid it. I saw the red pick up track, the ownerless bike propped against the truck, and the panel truck parked in my lane 20 feet ahead. Sad.

I'm leaving straight from work early to catch a flight to Vegas with B, to meet my father-in-law for the first time, to peep the Hoover Dam, and totally go crazy on an all-u-can-eat all-pork buffet (Ilsa, I'm kidding!!....about the all-pork part, at least)....

BREAKFAST: 7:30am, toasted onion bagel with good butter, banana, hunger 3/5
Thinking of the crap I'll be eating this weekend, tossed in a banana for good measure.

AM WATERING: 9:40am, 24 oz still

BP: 9:45am, 130/78

NOON SNACK: noon (duh), nice crisp apple with a little funky-ass cheese, hunger 4/5

PM WATERING: 12:45pm, 24 oz still

PM SNACK: 1pm, 2 oz bag of fritos, hunger 4/5
Kinda regretted this as I was eating it, as these are easily available in an airport, but I just feeling like eating something different.

LUNCH: 1:30pm, 3 potato samosas, brown rice w/ curry sauce, cold pumpkin noodles & sesame tofu, hunger 4/5
A mostly organic, mostly vegan food bar, something I won't be seeing in Vegas...

PM SNACK: 2:15pm, 1 dark chocolate gelt, hunger 3/5
The HVS gave me 2, but after eating one, remembered that Hanukkah gelt are usually poor-quality chocolate. Usually they are milk chocolate, so this was a step up, up still a little crumbly in the mouth. I'm sure B will gobble the other one up on the flight...

DINNER: 6:30pm, fish & chips, water, hunger 4/5
Crappy food in the airport.

EVENING SNACK: 8pm, shortbread & dark chocolate, seltzer, water, hunger 4/5
Snacking on the airplane.

Imagine all the time I'll have to blog...

ADDENDA:
It seems that corporate decisions have made my current employment situation a bit demoralizing. I could be in the market for a new job as soon as January 1st. My biggest concern right now is how this is going to impact B, she has a lot on her plate right now with her Dad n' stuff, all she needs is an unemployed husband!!

BREAKFAST: 8am, toasted onion bagel with good butter, hunger 3/5
Haven't had a bagel for breakfast in a long time. Gotta start mixing it up more, maybe oatmeal soon, too.

AM WATERING: 9:15am, 24 oz still

BP: 9:20am, 131/89

LUNCH: 1pm, pork chop over fried rice, shrimp summer roll, hunger 4/5
I brought left over tofu n' rice, but got invited out to lunch by an old work associate who has a good sense of what's going on.

DINNER: 9pm, bowl of baby carrots and homemade hummus, bowl of wholewheat pasta with homemade sauce and Parmesan, large square of homemade apple crumble, hunger 3/5
I was sorely tempted to go to Katz's on the way home and pound down a huge pastrami sandwich, a plate of beef-steak fries and a plate of pickles, out of anger, but then I thought about a) how it would make me feel later and b) I wasn't hungry anyway, so I went home. Had a hard time deciding what to eat, till Betsy said, "Why don't you just have some pasta?" Making dry pasta doesn't seem like real cooking, it's more like preparing, and I really didn't feel like cooking, but I didn't feel like an unhealthy restaurant meal like I had this afternoon.

One Small Step for a Pancake, One Giant Leap for Pancakekind

ADDENDA:
Looking forward to eating today. Brought in the raviolis in, tonight I'm on my own (doin' laundry, hrumph!) and gonna play with some pork medallions n' rice.

Before dinner, Betsy & I had a surprise drink with Ilsa, who works in the same building as B. Seems the new Ironchef challenge is to make dinner for 4 that has a) no animal product, b) no wheat or potatoes and c) still rocks the house. Hmmmm.

BREAKFAST: 7am, stack of good experimental pancakes, hunger 4/5
Got to bed before 11, woke up naturally around 6:30, took a shower and realized....hmmm, I feel hungry. Last night's dinner was great, but not the biggest portions. I already made myself pancakes this week, so to up the ante, I threw in a couple of teaspoons of cinnamon and a small splash of vanilla....whoa. I think I just made a small step for a pancake, one giant leap for pancakekind. Now if only I could add CHOCOLATEto it....and wrap it around a sausage....and put it on a stick....wait, I think that's been done...
AM WATERING: 9:45am, 24 oz still

BP 9:45am: 127/95

AM SNACK: 11:45am, superGerman bread with peanutbutter, hunger 4/5

LUNCH: 2:45pm, homemade ravioli with homemade sauce, hunger 2/5
Just had a staff meeting about future benefits, made me nauseous. Corporations are evil.

DINNER: 7pm, 2 pork medallions with brown jasmine rice with an experimental scallion/wine sauce, hunger 4/5
Feel crappy and a bit depressed. Cooking this actually made me feel a little better and in control. After lightly sauteing the pork, added wine & Worcestershire to the garlic, scallion and olive oil already in there. Came out nicely.

EVENING SNACK: 9pm, 3 fresh hot chocolate chip cookies, hunger 4/5
Needed 'em after this rough day. Celebrates the beginning of the weekend with my honey.

Raviolios

ADDENDA:
Making ravioli last night was a lot of fun. It's the same tedium of making pasta, but with an extra layer of tedium at the end! Ha, no, the stand-mixer attachment kind of cuts 45 minutes of arm-breaking tedium from the process, and shaping and hand-filling the dumplings in a form was actually quite satisfying. Like sausage, the contents of a ravioli has always had an air of mystery, and to have made it from scratch was a little bit of a revelation. To start with whole wheat flour, a stack of eggs, a pint of ricotta, a few stems of parsley and a block of parm and turn it into rather sexy little pillows of flavor. Look at Betsy's face, you KNOW that ravioli is sexy!

My mom would call them 'raviolios'. I imagine she would have an even grander name for these, perhaps 'ravioliolios'....

Looking forward to hitting the farmer's market hard this Saturday, it's been a while since I made a proper salad, and now I have this new set of skills I want to play with. And perhaps a zucchini may be in my future next week...

BREAKFAST: 7:30am, organic cherios with good milk, banana, hunger 3/5

AM WATERING: 9:30am, 24 oz still

BP: 9:45am, 129/91

LUNCH: 12:30, big plate of shrimp/veg/fish tempura, bowl of white rice, miso soup, hunger 4/5
Needed a break from the curry pork. Something tells me the salt level in this meal was high. Didn't taste salty, but heard a report on NPR this morning about some new survey of American sodium intake, how it's out of control, and how you can't actually taste the salt because of processing. Salty potato chips are comparatively low-salt compared something like a frozen TV dinner, due to this factor. More fuel to cook from home.

After lunch Erikka and I took a walk to the new M&M store off Times Square. Three floors of prime real estate dedicated to the consumption and celebration of shitty-ass chocolate by kids and their irresponsible guardians. Right outside the window is a huge billboard fill of almost-naked ladies advertising the 'Vivid' brand of hardcore pornography. God bless America!!

DINNER: 6:45pm, 1 small buttery nan bread, wonderful grilled/cured venison appetizer with a small unsweetened baked apple, small shot of pumpkin soup, nicely spiced curry shrimp over a bed of brown rice pilaf with odd/tasty threads of vegetable matter in it, peanutbutter custard with concord grape granita over a thin chocolate wafer in a small pool of fresh grape jelly, 2 small filled-chocolates, 1/4 glass of presecco, hunger 4/5
Took the wifey to nice dinner at Tabla. She had cheese for dessert, I was more interested in indulging in something sweet, as this was the time to get something above and beyond. However, I couldn't help wondering hmmmm....maybe a cheese course could be more satisfying than a childish sweet? (The name of my dessert was "Peanut Butter & Jelly".) It came served with small handful of yellow raisins and some nicely shaped toasty breads. Made me regret forgetting to eat the apple and cheese I brought to work.

Dr. Wildman, and his son, Chef Wildman

ADDENDA:
Last night's knife-skills class was a revelation. All very hands on, a good instructor. We cut vegetables of all stripe, and with some simple instruction found the whole thing to be wonderfully easy. First thing: get a sharpening device for my set of global knives. Second thing: totally rethink my salad this weekend, and consider squash & zuccinni in my stirfry & soup life. Third thing: peeling tomatoes is so easy!! Next spagetti sauce from scratch will be with farmer's market tomatoes when they are back in season.

Fourthly: I think I may want to go to chef's school. Of the 15-odd students in the class (again, me the only dude), he made several comments to me, the first was, "Have you done this before?" and said I was a natural and made it look easy (uhhh, it was easy.) Makes me want a bigger challenge. The Natural Gourmet Institute does have a program, but I don't know if I want to specialize in vegetarian/vegan cooking. I think I'll take one more hands-on class here then try one or two other schools in the New Year, to see if I really want to invest all that time and money in a degree I'll probably never earn back in a professional setting.

Forgot to pack any snacks today unfortunately, and realized because I have a social lunch tomorrow, Friday will be my only other lunch-from-home day this week. Three days a week to start next week, then.

Didn't have any sweets yesterday other than the banana and the apple, which I guess a month ago would of been a huge deal, now it feels....like I should eat like that more often. Was wound up from the class, slept well but only 6 hours and woke up hungry.

BREAKFAST: 7:30am, good pancakes from scratch, a jigger of seltzer, hunger 4/5
x

AM WATERING: 9:30am, 24 oz still

BP 9:30am: 129/89

LUNCH: 12:30pm, shrimp w/basil sauce and white rice, small salad slathered in peanut sauce, 2 tiny fried spring rolls, hunger 4/5
OK Thai food, would be interested to learn how to prepare something similar...

PM SNACK: 4pm, 3 potato samosa from Green Symphony, hunger 4/5
Slightly headachey, kinda jonesing for refined sugar. If I had an apple, it would knock that pang out. Feel in control, though. Looking forward to making ravioli from scratch for the first time tonight.

PM SNACK: 6:30pm, 3 pieces sesame tofu, hunger 4/5
Feeling peckish, dinner still needs to be made.

DINNER: 8:30pm, homemade cheese ravioli with homemade tomato sauce, hunger 4/5
Really good. Used the simplest recipe possible (ricotta, parm, egg, nutmeg, parsley, salt & pep) and it came through elegantly. Soft pillowy dumplings with just the right amount of chew. If I hadn't already made the sauce, I probably would of just used butter n' sage...

EVENING SNACK: 10pm, 1/2 serving of good yogurt with honey, vanilla, raw cashews, hunger 3/5
Really craving sugar, only desert I had in the house was frozen cookie dough. So I had this yogurt with an extra squirt of honey. Kind of a dessert, but less intense than a full on freak-out.

234 Pounds o' Fury!!

ADDENDA:
What hath thow raught? Ilsa has a blog!! Here!

Weighed myself this morning, almost forgot, but the scale was in the way (the weigh?) of me retrieving my cell phone. 234. Was wearing pants, and just ate breakfast, so it's probably closer to my standard 230. Not feeling very furious, but anything that is tagged with "o' Fury!!" sounds less blubbery.

Feel weird about the pint of soy icecream I snarfed last night. On one hand, I think I enjoyed and appreciated it more than I would of if it was a regular habit. On the other hand, my lust for it immediately following my substandard home meal was overpowering in a way. Ilsa's blog suggests brushing teeth to get the stomach-body-brain signals to shout "done!" to the lust impulses. May just try that.

BREAKFAST: 8am, organic chex with good milk, banana, hunger 3/5
Start the sweets off right.

AM WATERING: 9:30am, 24 oz still

BP 9:45am: 132/90

LUNCH: 12:30pm, homemade hummus, carrot sticks, cucumber slices, 2 slices normal wholewheat bread, 2 slices weird dense superGerman "bread", 3 pieces sesame tofu, hunger 4/5
Out of superhippy bread from the farmer's market, so I got this weird, dense block of bread-like material imported from Germany, full of whole grains, weirdly moist, and shelf-stable for months in the unopened wrapper.

Hummus was good, needs more cumin. Next batch is going to rock. Hard. My dad never had the secret weapon of the roasted garlic, damn I wish I could share that with him. I think he'd be impressed. After tasting it, he'd nod, and say something quietly, like, "Noah, that's pretty good. I wish I thought of that." A small grin was like a hug from him (though in later years I subjected him to more unasked-for hugs than I can count.)

PM SNACK: 4:15pm, apple & raw funki havarti, hunger 3/5
Apple was mushy, May have to run out and grab another snack, as I have a knife skills class 6:30-10 tonight.

PM SNACK: 5:15pm, lamb on pita, hunger 4/5
As I'm eating this, I'm thinking, "This is not going to help me lose weight, is it?"

PM SNACK: 7pmish, carrots sticks & inferior hummus, small handful of olives, lemony water, hunger 4/5
Snacks during class

DINNER: 9:30pm, yummy carrot soup, quinoa with orange supreme, white bean thingy, sauteed broccoli with mushrooms, roasted cubed potatoes, hunger 4/5
Dinner was made with all the veg that the students prepped in knife skills class, all vegan, the HVS would of been proud. Food was actually pretty good, but could of used some sort of protein for satiety's sake.