ADDENDA:
As Britney Spears might of said once (or twice), "I'm gettin' married, y'all! Where's the cheetos?"
Tomorrow morning I'm going to mix up another batch of pancake mix, and have me a pancake n' bacon feast. Haven't been to the greasy spoon around the corner since I started making an effort to cook for a myself a bit, I really don't miss it.
Ilsa told me to just eat whatever I want, except to watch the salt. I wonder what it that I'll want. It certainly isn't a lot of the stuff I was only too content a month or two ago...
BREAKFAST: 7:45am, toasted garlic bagel with good butter, swig of seltzer, dirtpill, hunger 2/5
Third night of excellent deep sleep. Was up till 11 going over wedding stuff with the B and the best man. Things should be fine.
AM SNACK: 9:15am, 24 oz still water
BP 10am: 127/88
AM SNACK: 10:30am, 1/3 of a bagel, half cup of OJ
Food served with meeting, nibbled to be polite. Reminds me why I despise OJ - tastes like fruity acid, with a bitter aftertaste. Why do people like this stuff?
LUNCH: 1:30pm, pastrami on rye, 1 pickle, water, hunger 4/5
Work going good. Catching up with the freelance PM being brought in to cover me while I get married. We went downstairs to Juniors, he paid in honor of my wedding. He had a bacon cheeseburger and fries - made my pastrami salt bomb look healthy. Find I have a slight headache less than an hour later, hmmmm.
PM SNACK: 5:30pm, small piece of pound cake, a little seltzer, hunger 3/5
Left work early to see my mother-in-law come in to Penn Station, then home. From here on in, going to try to relax and get stuff done in my own time till Sunday. The pound cake in the freezer needed to be tasted - it tasted better than when it was fresh. Heating it in the microwave makes it a little less dense.
DINNER PT 1: 6pm, half pound of freshly cooked shrimp in butter and garlic, hunger 3/5
Watching some cooking show, they're sauteing shrimp - remembered I have a bag of frozen raw shrimp. Dole out half of it, peel off shells - my first time peeling shrimp! All the little legs....makes me feel closer to it. Fresh garlic, the good butter, watching it magically turn golden orange in the pan....
DINNER PT 2: 7pm, four perogies, 1 potato pancakes, 1 cheese blintz, hunger 3/5
Looking around the kitchen, I realized with all the wedding stuff we failed to go food shopping. So I ordered from the East Side Cafe some polish home cookin'. The perogies were fried, but otherwise very much food my dad would of been comforted by.
No dessert! Only the piece of random poundcake! Yay! Unfortunately, I had another piece of poundcake around 4am when I was up for 5 hours, but that's already tomorrow...see ya on the 11th!!
Thursday, August 30
Wednesday, August 29
BOOM!
ADDENDA:
Met with Ilsa last night, first time in what feels like a long time. She felt my sickness was a 'healing crisis' of some sort - my body adjusting to the changes in diet. I think that might be a part of it, but the wedding planning hasn't helped.
A few people have mentioned to me in the last few weeks that I look like I've lost weight. I didn't believe them, as I feel like despite cutting back on sugar, I'm eating more calories to feel more satiated to avoid snacks. I don't like obsessing over weight numbers - I actually do the opposite, only getting weighed at doctor's appointments. Well, Ilsa asked me to weigh myself, as my medical record says I last weighed 229. I stepped on B's scale this morning....230! Ha! The miracle Pork diet: eat all the pork and butter you want, look skinnier and remain the same weight! I think among other goals, figuring out an ideal do-able weight and eating/cycling my way torwards it will be a focus after the wedding.
What I write here is open to the public, and despite it not being advertised, I guess I do edit myself to keep it within those restrictions of palatability. At my meeting with Ilsa, she was digging a little deeper at me, and I was unsure how to respond, how far to open up, about what. She is looking at nutrition holistically, and I need to take advantage of that.....but I'm not gonna splay my guts for all YOU to see, he he.
I leave work tomorrow, so tomorrow will be my last post till Sept 11th, when I go back to work. When I get back, I'm going to reread this entire blog and try to reflect a little bit about where I was and where I'm going. I think the nature of this blog will become more personal, and at the same time certain entries will have to be restricted to just me and Ilsa. I mean, do you really want to read about how Betsy's passion for monkey-abuse really scares me and turns me on at the same time?! (I KEED! I KEED!)
Or not. I'm mulling it over.
BREAKFAST: 8:30am, crumpet with butter, small amount of seltzer, hippietablet, hunger 3/5
Excellent, thick, ropey sleep. Felt refreshed....
AM SNACK: 10AM, 24 oz still water.
....which is a good thing, because I had a tsunami of meetings, projects and managing of personalities from the second I stepped in the door.
LUNCH: 3:30pm, falafel sandwich on whole wheat pita with no pickle, chocolate icecream cone, hunger 5/5
When I got out of a meeting at 3pm, I realized I was hungry. Went back to my desk to do some last minute followups, but realized I was on the verge of collapse. Must....eat. Never occured to me to ask for whole wheat with the falafel. As I was walking back, I felt like I needed something to shut my stomach up. The icecream cone will hopefully be my one desert for the day. I like that I ate it strategically, rather than from a craving.
DINNER: 7:30pm, 3 slices of good pizza, light on the bufalla moz, one of them with thin slices of salami, water, 1 beer, a large handful of See's Chocolates, hunger 3/5
More friends from afar are in town, 10 of us got together at Isabella's Oven, was a good time. One friend from Cali brought a nice box of See's Chocolates - I wanted to just not touch it but Betsy insisted on opening them and sharing them. Once the smell wafted in my nose, I said, damn, well, I'm about to stop blogging for a while and chill. I NEED THOSE CHOCOLATES! AAAAIGH! I did eat light all day anway and dinner was relatively restrained, and it's not often these friends are around and these chocolates aren't available here and I don't really need any more justifications for being a choco-pig....
Met with Ilsa last night, first time in what feels like a long time. She felt my sickness was a 'healing crisis' of some sort - my body adjusting to the changes in diet. I think that might be a part of it, but the wedding planning hasn't helped.
A few people have mentioned to me in the last few weeks that I look like I've lost weight. I didn't believe them, as I feel like despite cutting back on sugar, I'm eating more calories to feel more satiated to avoid snacks. I don't like obsessing over weight numbers - I actually do the opposite, only getting weighed at doctor's appointments. Well, Ilsa asked me to weigh myself, as my medical record says I last weighed 229. I stepped on B's scale this morning....230! Ha! The miracle Pork diet: eat all the pork and butter you want, look skinnier and remain the same weight! I think among other goals, figuring out an ideal do-able weight and eating/cycling my way torwards it will be a focus after the wedding.
What I write here is open to the public, and despite it not being advertised, I guess I do edit myself to keep it within those restrictions of palatability. At my meeting with Ilsa, she was digging a little deeper at me, and I was unsure how to respond, how far to open up, about what. She is looking at nutrition holistically, and I need to take advantage of that.....but I'm not gonna splay my guts for all YOU to see, he he.
I leave work tomorrow, so tomorrow will be my last post till Sept 11th, when I go back to work. When I get back, I'm going to reread this entire blog and try to reflect a little bit about where I was and where I'm going. I think the nature of this blog will become more personal, and at the same time certain entries will have to be restricted to just me and Ilsa. I mean, do you really want to read about how Betsy's passion for monkey-abuse really scares me and turns me on at the same time?! (I KEED! I KEED!)
Or not. I'm mulling it over.
BREAKFAST: 8:30am, crumpet with butter, small amount of seltzer, hippietablet, hunger 3/5
Excellent, thick, ropey sleep. Felt refreshed....
AM SNACK: 10AM, 24 oz still water.
....which is a good thing, because I had a tsunami of meetings, projects and managing of personalities from the second I stepped in the door.
LUNCH: 3:30pm, falafel sandwich on whole wheat pita with no pickle, chocolate icecream cone, hunger 5/5
When I got out of a meeting at 3pm, I realized I was hungry. Went back to my desk to do some last minute followups, but realized I was on the verge of collapse. Must....eat. Never occured to me to ask for whole wheat with the falafel. As I was walking back, I felt like I needed something to shut my stomach up. The icecream cone will hopefully be my one desert for the day. I like that I ate it strategically, rather than from a craving.
DINNER: 7:30pm, 3 slices of good pizza, light on the bufalla moz, one of them with thin slices of salami, water, 1 beer, a large handful of See's Chocolates, hunger 3/5
More friends from afar are in town, 10 of us got together at Isabella's Oven, was a good time. One friend from Cali brought a nice box of See's Chocolates - I wanted to just not touch it but Betsy insisted on opening them and sharing them. Once the smell wafted in my nose, I said, damn, well, I'm about to stop blogging for a while and chill. I NEED THOSE CHOCOLATES! AAAAIGH! I did eat light all day anway and dinner was relatively restrained, and it's not often these friends are around and these chocolates aren't available here and I don't really need any more justifications for being a choco-pig....
Tuesday, August 28
The High Cost of Cheap Food
ADDENDA: First deep, undisturbed sleep last night since getting sick. Feel 10 out of 10, a spring in my step. Finally! Time is slipping by...
Just read a bit in the Kingsolver book about the high cost of cheap food. I haven't been budgeting my foray into organics, actually trying purposefully NOT to look at prices, just buy it if it's better for me. But I definitely know Whole Foods, a.k.a. Whole Paycheck, has not been kind to my wallet. But alas, I feel better, either due to the organics, due to Ilsa's input, this blog propping up my diligence, or all of the above. If the price of cheap food is feeling crappy, high blood pressure and diabetes, I think paying a premium is well justified.
BREAKFAST: 8:30am, toasted onion bagel with good butter, pint of water, dirtpill, hunger 3/5
Why do the whole wheat bagels only come in plain? If there was a garlic wholewheat and a sesame wholewheat, there would be rare occasion to eat otherwise in the bagel realm.
AM SNACK: 10am, 24 oz still water
LUNCH: 12:30pm, shrimp curry, jasmine rice, nan, dal, water, hunger 4/5
Got hungry. Almost went for Ramen but didn't want all the salt. After eating....NO SUGAR CRAVING!!! Huh. Didn't think it would retreat in only a week or two.
BP 4:15pm: 116/76
LUNCH #2: 5pm, felafel pita, hunger 3/5
Left building not sure what I wanted....ice cream! But what do I want that's specific to ice cream? Creaminess, not sweetness. Betsy loves that Fage stuff, but it tastes SO nasty. Maybe I should try the unrefined full-fat version (she only eats 0% fat Fage, ick), as something that'll sub for this ice cream desire...
DINNER: 7:30pm, tofu pad thair, 2 beef satay, 3 spring rolls, small bowl of gelato and small piece of poundcake.
Take out, convenient because of guests. Beef wasn't as tasty as I thought it would be. Usually, I'd finish this, but now if it don't taste right, I'm less inclined to go for it. I ain't a garbage bucket.
Just read a bit in the Kingsolver book about the high cost of cheap food. I haven't been budgeting my foray into organics, actually trying purposefully NOT to look at prices, just buy it if it's better for me. But I definitely know Whole Foods, a.k.a. Whole Paycheck, has not been kind to my wallet. But alas, I feel better, either due to the organics, due to Ilsa's input, this blog propping up my diligence, or all of the above. If the price of cheap food is feeling crappy, high blood pressure and diabetes, I think paying a premium is well justified.
BREAKFAST: 8:30am, toasted onion bagel with good butter, pint of water, dirtpill, hunger 3/5
Why do the whole wheat bagels only come in plain? If there was a garlic wholewheat and a sesame wholewheat, there would be rare occasion to eat otherwise in the bagel realm.
AM SNACK: 10am, 24 oz still water
LUNCH: 12:30pm, shrimp curry, jasmine rice, nan, dal, water, hunger 4/5
Got hungry. Almost went for Ramen but didn't want all the salt. After eating....NO SUGAR CRAVING!!! Huh. Didn't think it would retreat in only a week or two.
BP 4:15pm: 116/76
LUNCH #2: 5pm, felafel pita, hunger 3/5
Left building not sure what I wanted....ice cream! But what do I want that's specific to ice cream? Creaminess, not sweetness. Betsy loves that Fage stuff, but it tastes SO nasty. Maybe I should try the unrefined full-fat version (she only eats 0% fat Fage, ick), as something that'll sub for this ice cream desire...
DINNER: 7:30pm, tofu pad thair, 2 beef satay, 3 spring rolls, small bowl of gelato and small piece of poundcake.
Take out, convenient because of guests. Beef wasn't as tasty as I thought it would be. Usually, I'd finish this, but now if it don't taste right, I'm less inclined to go for it. I ain't a garbage bucket.
Monday, August 27
Suppressed Memories: I Grew Up With a Tomato Patch
BREAKFAST: 7:30am, 2 pancakes and 4 pieces low sodium bacon, dirtpill, glass of seltzer, hunger 3/5
Made my favorite breakfast for B, Tania and Eli - even though we wrote "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" in frosting on it and had a piece of bacon for a mouth, he wasn't interested, as he was lunching on junk food all morning.
AM SNACK: 9am, 24 oz still water
Back at work. Gotta get my game on, yo.
BP 9:15am: 126/78
LUNCH: 12:30, half pastrami sandwich on rye, small cup of matzoh ball soup (didn't drink soup), small dish of vinegar slaw & 2 pickles, glass of water, hunger 3/5
If my normal well being is 10, and my sickest day was 1, today I feel 8.5. Work is going well - it's pressurized due to my absence, but I work with cool people and I feel like I understand where the pressures are coming from and why. Feel a bit low energy in the body, but my mind was so stultified by not leaving the house Tues-Sun, feel focused. But I needed this comfort food, desired red meat, a real craving! (My first non-sugar craving in memory!) Also, to be able to sit alone and read....
I'm into Kingsolver's book where she's describing the annual cycle of when vegetables are in season, and she spends a lot of time talking about tomatoes - big red hard industrial ones and boring Big Red Tomato seeds, vs. heirloom tomatoes. Then a large shard of memory just popped over my head, dousing my whole train of thought in tomatoes.
I grew up on Staten Island, with 2 parents and an older brother. We lived in a big 3 story house on a quiet street on a hill, with a terraced front yard and a nicely sized rectangular backyard, one side of which was fenced to avoid people falling off the wall to the driveway, the otherside a dirt-hump up to the neighbor's yard. When I was really young, probably 4 or 5, my parents grew vegetables on about a third of the space. All I remember is the tomatoes - how they made a big deal of the big red tomatoes they grew, always chopping them into salads. At some points they'd have too many, and give them away to friends. I think there were a few other vegetables they grew, but I don't remember what they were.
After a couple of years, they stopped, I don't remember why. I distinctly remember at the very end, my brother and I moved away and they sold the house to move into smaller digs - the grass on the 1/3 of the backyard that they grew vegetables was thicker, greener and longer than the grass anywhere else in the yard after all those years.
I really was a typical disgruntled kid growing up bored in the suburbs. Little did I know that little vegetable patch connected us to the entire history of the agricultural world in such a direct, tasty way. I wish I could talk to my parents about this, find out what they were thinking. They were so not just a boring, typical middleclass Jewish couple like I snottily assumed then, they were doing something quite cool and thoughtful, especially for the mid-70s. I was such a little dumbass, I miss them so much.
BP 3:30pm: 129/81
I noticed today is pressurized, and I'm feelin' the heat. Indeed, my bp is a little bit up. I wonder if there is a psychological method to lower my BP at times like this. Ilsa's breathing thing, perhaps?
PM SNACK: 4:30pm, bag of Robert's Smart Puffs, hunger 3/5
Tired. Good productive day, train only wobbled, never left the tracks. Gonna go home early.
DINNER: 8pm, small pork loin, quarter of kinish, mushrooms, one corn on the cob with butter and salt, one scoop of gelato, 1 small piece of homemade poundcake, hunger 4/5
Home made meal with the B and the guests. Nice. Kid is on a crazy eating schedule so had to wait till 10pm to serve up his birthday cake. Really yummy and dense, a little too sweet.
EVENING SNACK: 11pm, small piece of pound cake, hunger 2/5
Here is a new one: I wasn't craving sugar! I popped this in my mouth with a goal - I wanted to taste my cake with a clear palate, free of pork or icecream or whatever, to appreciate it's flavor. I (with the help of a hyperactive 4 year old) made this from scratch, and I was curious to focus on it's taste, not scarf it for it's sugar. I followed a recipe strictly, and I think on the next go around I'll reduce the sugar and up the lemon flavor...
Made my favorite breakfast for B, Tania and Eli - even though we wrote "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" in frosting on it and had a piece of bacon for a mouth, he wasn't interested, as he was lunching on junk food all morning.
AM SNACK: 9am, 24 oz still water
Back at work. Gotta get my game on, yo.
BP 9:15am: 126/78
LUNCH: 12:30, half pastrami sandwich on rye, small cup of matzoh ball soup (didn't drink soup), small dish of vinegar slaw & 2 pickles, glass of water, hunger 3/5
If my normal well being is 10, and my sickest day was 1, today I feel 8.5. Work is going well - it's pressurized due to my absence, but I work with cool people and I feel like I understand where the pressures are coming from and why. Feel a bit low energy in the body, but my mind was so stultified by not leaving the house Tues-Sun, feel focused. But I needed this comfort food, desired red meat, a real craving! (My first non-sugar craving in memory!) Also, to be able to sit alone and read....
I'm into Kingsolver's book where she's describing the annual cycle of when vegetables are in season, and she spends a lot of time talking about tomatoes - big red hard industrial ones and boring Big Red Tomato seeds, vs. heirloom tomatoes. Then a large shard of memory just popped over my head, dousing my whole train of thought in tomatoes.
I grew up on Staten Island, with 2 parents and an older brother. We lived in a big 3 story house on a quiet street on a hill, with a terraced front yard and a nicely sized rectangular backyard, one side of which was fenced to avoid people falling off the wall to the driveway, the otherside a dirt-hump up to the neighbor's yard. When I was really young, probably 4 or 5, my parents grew vegetables on about a third of the space. All I remember is the tomatoes - how they made a big deal of the big red tomatoes they grew, always chopping them into salads. At some points they'd have too many, and give them away to friends. I think there were a few other vegetables they grew, but I don't remember what they were.
After a couple of years, they stopped, I don't remember why. I distinctly remember at the very end, my brother and I moved away and they sold the house to move into smaller digs - the grass on the 1/3 of the backyard that they grew vegetables was thicker, greener and longer than the grass anywhere else in the yard after all those years.
I really was a typical disgruntled kid growing up bored in the suburbs. Little did I know that little vegetable patch connected us to the entire history of the agricultural world in such a direct, tasty way. I wish I could talk to my parents about this, find out what they were thinking. They were so not just a boring, typical middleclass Jewish couple like I snottily assumed then, they were doing something quite cool and thoughtful, especially for the mid-70s. I was such a little dumbass, I miss them so much.
BP 3:30pm: 129/81
I noticed today is pressurized, and I'm feelin' the heat. Indeed, my bp is a little bit up. I wonder if there is a psychological method to lower my BP at times like this. Ilsa's breathing thing, perhaps?
PM SNACK: 4:30pm, bag of Robert's Smart Puffs, hunger 3/5
Tired. Good productive day, train only wobbled, never left the tracks. Gonna go home early.
DINNER: 8pm, small pork loin, quarter of kinish, mushrooms, one corn on the cob with butter and salt, one scoop of gelato, 1 small piece of homemade poundcake, hunger 4/5
Home made meal with the B and the guests. Nice. Kid is on a crazy eating schedule so had to wait till 10pm to serve up his birthday cake. Really yummy and dense, a little too sweet.
EVENING SNACK: 11pm, small piece of pound cake, hunger 2/5
Here is a new one: I wasn't craving sugar! I popped this in my mouth with a goal - I wanted to taste my cake with a clear palate, free of pork or icecream or whatever, to appreciate it's flavor. I (with the help of a hyperactive 4 year old) made this from scratch, and I was curious to focus on it's taste, not scarf it for it's sugar. I followed a recipe strictly, and I think on the next go around I'll reduce the sugar and up the lemon flavor...
Sunday, August 26
One Week Till All-U-Can-Eat Pie
ADDENDA:
Got to be around 10:30, woke up around 2 and could not sleep. Horrible television. Haven't left the house since Tuesday night. I gotta get outta here.
The wedding is one week from today. Why am I feeling a little anxious? That's not the normal me.
AM SNACK: 2am, 2 graham crackers with chocolate hazelnut spread, hunger 3/5
AM SNACK: 5am, small bowl of rice crispies with good milk, hunger 3/5
BREAKFAST: 11am, 1/3 of toased whole wheat bagel, small bowl of cornflakes with good milk, dirt pill, hunger 3/5
LATE LUNCH (LINNER? DUNCH?): 4:30pm, one piece pepperoni pizza, side salad, spag & meatballs, bread, water, one beer, hunger 3/5
The first outta town guests for the wedding have arrived. Went again to Isabella's Oven. The pizza was great, but after my last pizza....
Tania is a friend from pre-historic times, and Elijah is her almost-4 year old. HE wanted the pizza, not ME! Then we went home and baked a ridiculously decadent pound cake for his birthday (which is tomorrow.) A cup of butter, a pint of heavy cream, 3 cups of sugar....well, at least it's all organic...
EVENING SNACK: midnight, 2 crumpets with butter, hunger 4/5
I knew if I didn't eat something, I wouldn't be able to fall asleep. Tania brought these over from England, the kind of English Muffins the actual English eat. Full of scary chemicals. Next time I'm over there, gonna find a more natural version in her hood she can bring over next time...
Got to be around 10:30, woke up around 2 and could not sleep. Horrible television. Haven't left the house since Tuesday night. I gotta get outta here.
The wedding is one week from today. Why am I feeling a little anxious? That's not the normal me.
AM SNACK: 2am, 2 graham crackers with chocolate hazelnut spread, hunger 3/5
AM SNACK: 5am, small bowl of rice crispies with good milk, hunger 3/5
BREAKFAST: 11am, 1/3 of toased whole wheat bagel, small bowl of cornflakes with good milk, dirt pill, hunger 3/5
LATE LUNCH (LINNER? DUNCH?): 4:30pm, one piece pepperoni pizza, side salad, spag & meatballs, bread, water, one beer, hunger 3/5
The first outta town guests for the wedding have arrived. Went again to Isabella's Oven. The pizza was great, but after my last pizza....
Tania is a friend from pre-historic times, and Elijah is her almost-4 year old. HE wanted the pizza, not ME! Then we went home and baked a ridiculously decadent pound cake for his birthday (which is tomorrow.) A cup of butter, a pint of heavy cream, 3 cups of sugar....well, at least it's all organic...
EVENING SNACK: midnight, 2 crumpets with butter, hunger 4/5
I knew if I didn't eat something, I wouldn't be able to fall asleep. Tania brought these over from England, the kind of English Muffins the actual English eat. Full of scary chemicals. Next time I'm over there, gonna find a more natural version in her hood she can bring over next time...
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