Addiction (Or: My Mother, the Junky)

ADDENDA:
My mom was a nicotine addict. My brother and I would beg her to put he cigarette out when she would drive us around in the close confines of a car. She underwent surgery when I was in high school to remove some of her lung, and afterwards she hid her smoking, despite her being 110% forthright, successful and strong in all other aspects of her life. Neither my brother or I smoke or drink coffee because of the unattractive side we saw in our mom abusing these substances (hey! did you here that?! I think that was my mom rolling over in her grave for being called a substance-abuser!)

Back in my early 20s, when I discovered I was totally addicted to diet coke, I quit it cold turkey - I didn't want to be dependent on a drink like my mom. How middle-class bourgeoisie uncool was that? It was all headaches, nausea, fuzzy-headed unsleepiness for 2 days, a little better on the 3rd, by day 5 it was over.

My dad tried smoking, I guess to share something with my mom, but gave it up before my memory begins. He was never a huge coffee-drinker, either. But man, he loved his sweets. Some of his fondest memories of Vienna growing up pre-WWII were the bakeries full of Viennese delights. He'd always have a sweets drawer in his office I'd take great pleasure in raiding as a kid. Like my dad, I do love my sweets.

Well, I'm coming to the realization that refined sugar has a grasp on me - and how uncool is that? I went without sweets yesterday, it shouldn't be this hard. It shouldn't be hard at all. So per Ilsa's advice, starting Sunday dinner until Friday dinner I will not eat any desert that has refined sugar. Fruit is OK, chocolate is not. I'll be stocking up on the baby carrots next week. Anyone have a recommendation on how to help curb my cravings?

Feeling the craving right now, it's in my stomach and my arms. Brought the last of the apple crisp and a good piece of Icelandic dark chocolate for a snack today - better than the conventional crap they sell around here.

BREAKFAST: 7:30am, good yogurt with a small squirt of honey, vanilla, raw cashews, hunger 3.5/5
Woke up well and rested, slight craving for sugar revving up my appetite a little. Never thought much of it before, but honey is obviously a refined sugar, but in reality I'm only using about a tablespoon to cut the bitter edge of the yogurt, not turn it into a sweet confection like the conventional yogurts...

BP 10am: 126/90

AM WATERING: 10am, 24 oz still water.
Think I'm going to aim for 2 waterings a day. Hydration leads to slightly thinner blood, which results in lower blood pressure.

LUNCH: 12:30, shrimp tempura with white rice and a little dipping sauce, beef negamaki starter, tiny salad, hunger 4/5
Junior's was packed out, so went to the sushi place. I'm not sure if the portions were unusually small or my sugar-lust makes it seem that way. Felt full but the white rice revved up my sugar craving.

PM SNACK: 1:15pm, homemade apple crumble and good dark chocolate, hunger 2.5/5
The chocolate was in the freezer too long, was a little chalky in consistency. However, the second the first square hit my tongue, I instantly felt better - just like a junky when the needle hits the vein. Funny thing is, now that it's done, feel slightly sick to my stomach, headachey. This is not good all over.

PM WATERING: 2:30pm, 24 oz still water, 2 extra-strength tylenol
Headache worse, stomach feels like there is liquid plastic in it. Could it be shock from so much sugar after almost 36 hours of no sweets?!

DINNER: 7:30pm, long link of merguez lamb sausage, 4 pieces whole wheat bread with mustard, small portion of roast potatoes & onion, bowl of organic whole-grain crispex and good milk, hunger 4.5/5
As I was riding home, felt a little faint from hunger and thought I craved sugar - after thinking about it, I realized I was REALLY hungry, forgot to have a snack due to feeling weird. Was going to have sausage and potatoes, but there weren't many potatoes left, so I wrapped the sausage in whole-wheat toast like a hotdog. After the first two, I realized I wasn't really tasting the sausage as the mustard was overpowering. The actual sausage (from the farmers market) was delicious and delicate, not what you expect in a sausage and I think I kind of mistreated them by eating them like hotdogs - but I was so hungry! After eating the equivalent of 4 (healthy) hotdogs, still hungry. Usually, I'd snarf some sweets and that would shut me down, but I already had my sweets for the day. So I fast forwarded and had breakfast. That shut me down.