I Can't Believe It's Butter!

ADDENDA:
Last night's steak was very pleasurable, enjoyed it more than i thought i would - perhaps it was the context of the celebration and the warm vibes of two good friends catching up after a long time apart. The ladies ordered boring entrees - a seared tuna salad and a sauted salmon, zzzzzzz. Though they both claimed they were too full for desert, when my chocolate cake came they definitely had their share. So much so I had to go buy a couple of madelines after to get my sweets in.

Ilsa asked me to write in this journal not only what I'm eating, but what I want but choose not to eat. Thing is, I'm not one to really deny myself what I want. What I choose usually IS what I want. I don't know if this is self-delusion or something, but I don't feel like I've denied myself anything up to this point. Diet coke, whatever, it's nice but I don't miss it. Had a half glass of champagne last night, not because I was trying to be good but because I've never really liked alcohol, taste or how it makes me feel. Denying myself what I want is not fun, so should I really pick apart the subliminal process I've developed to let me feel like nothing is being denied? I guess self-knowledge is better than fear of upsetting the applecart.

This morning in the shower, NPR mentioned an upcoming interview with author Barbara Kingsolver on her book about eating locally, and how eating is one of those rare ocassions where acting ethically coincides directly with increased pleasure. Another argument for my grass-fed butter infatuation!

BREAKFAST: 7:45am Onion bagel with grass fed butter, pint of lime seltzer. Hunger 3/5. Felt good, good sleep on the new bed, though hunger did wake me up several times this morning - Rufus's hunger! He was meowing like he was James Brown. Ilsa has suggested trying flat water instead of so much carbonated water, I'm going to limit my seltzer intake on a trial basis, but it's an excellent breakfast treat. Now if they could carbonate bacon...

LUNCH: 1pm cajun seitan sandwich with kale, sauted onions on a whole wheat bun, a little vegan mayo (salty), a side of coleslaw, water. Hunger 3/5. Quiet at work, pedalled up through Central Park to Candle Cafe on the UES. Water they serve is only a little cooler than room temp, and many times before people have remarked on the yumminess of there water. I wonder if it's tap or filtered. Tasted OK to me. I was really happy with the sandwich, but upon thinking about my baser instincts, I probably would of chosen french fries instead of coleslaw, but the slaw was quite yummy.

PM SNACK: 2pm, 20oz tap water that was poured before I left for lunch. Not hungy but thirsty, rode hard to avoid rain. I see what Ilsa says about water having more flavor when its room temp, but not sure whether thats a plus or not. Don't mind it, though.

PM SNACK: 4:15pm, largish chocolate chip cookie icecream sandwich, 20 oz sill water, hunger 4/5. Craving sweets, and hadn't had an icecream sandwich in a while. "Toll House" brand, sold in the commisary in the lobby, everything about it screams industrial...but where does one go to get a handmade organic icecream sandwich when your craving it? 320mg of sodium, damn. Slight head ache before I decided to go get this.

DINNER: 6pm. medium green salad with italian dressing, pasta with basil pesto and grated cheese, glass of seltzer, a few small pieces of baking chocolate. hunger 2/5 - Not horrendously hungry after the icecream sandwich, but I was supposed to go to an early evening kareoke thing with coworkers and thought it unwise to go on anything other than a near-full stomach. Despite not being that hungry, the pasta was delicious, pesto from whole foods. I tried to make pesto once, it came out bitter and gross, I think I used too much basil and too little oil.

EVENING: 8pmish. 2 saporro drafts. To be social, didn't give me any buzz thanks to dinner, but did get me through a cringe-inducing renditon of "Into the Groove"

EVENING: Midnight. 7 frozen shrimp dumplings from a korean grocery. Hunger 3/5. Sleeping really well last 2 nights, but was slow winding down this evening, the alcohol probably didn't help. I have all those frozen dumplings from Koreatown, I sometimes crave them but after eating these dumpling, they ARE kinda gross and salty. And after reading about all the insanely underinspected food imports coming in from Asia, it adds to a layer of creepiness. Rather than use myself as a trash can, I think I'm going to clear some stuff out of the freezer this weekend.