Got to sleep early, Betsy-style, last night again and again had some weird dreams. I was with my dad, he was in his later years, we were out shopping at the greenmarket, we were arm in arm as he needed me for balance (he hated using a cane, I was happy to be one for him.) This had happened before, though I wasn't very conscious of the greenmarket, I just thought it was my dad being a "cheapo", as my mom would say. In my dream, I asked my dad where my mom was. In real life, it was very common for me and my dad to go out together alone, because my mom was still working full time, and while she enjoyed it, when she was home she just wanted to vegetate.
Well, I asked my dad where my mom was and he said, "In jail." My mom never had anything to do with the criminal life, and I was quite upset. He didn't tell me why, but the next thing I know I'm on a long trip to a maximum security prison somewhere far away.
Had to go through several layers of security, wait in a crowded room with 100s of other folks, mostly poor and minorities. To pass the time, I started reading the New Yorker, which tends to have extremely long and involved articles. I look up, a lot of time had passed, and the waiting room was empty. I go to the front and tell the guard I'd like to see my mom now. She replies that visitors are only allowed once an hour on the half hour, and the time now was 5 o'clock, so I'd have to wait longer.
And that's all I remember. I guess I always felt the likelihood of my mom ever dying was about equal to her going to prison - just about nil. Part of me doesn't believe she's dead, just unexplainably missing, and I'm just waiting for her to come back to me.
When I was walking cross town yesterday looking for something different for lunch, passed a Brazilian steakhouse. I remember my dad raving about the tons of meat they serve you in a place like that - some of his chemistry professor buddies took him there, he went back with mom. I never went to that kind of restaurant - for the last 4-5 years of my dad's life, I was mostly non-dairy vegetarian (it was his illness that drove me to the comfort of bacon).
Why was I vegetarian for so long? (I'd say vegan, but that would confuse me with people who abstain from ALL animal products for ethical reasons, I just didn't eat it) I would have to say it was to feel the control over my own diet that I didn't have growing up. It was a clear directive - NO animal product in any form - it simplified the choices available. For me, didn't make it healthier or tastier - potato chips are vegan, and vegan pancakes taste like cardboard - though in intervening years I've experienced much better vegan dining (thanks T!)
Even before and after my flings without animal products, I ate a lot of sugar-free fat-free fakey foods. Diet coke, sugar-free Italian ices, skim milk, margarine (actually, that has all the fat and none of the flavor, WTF?), a general fear of whole animal food - cook it? Eat it? YIKES! I'm moving away from that fear. Yeah, the food supply is fucked by capitalism, red meat full of hormones and grains unnatural to the animal - but other peeps are catching up, and better tasting, healthier stuff IS here in NYC, I just gotta go get it. In terms of control, that fear controls ME. I would rather control that fear, and widen the variety of health-giving foods in my day-to-day routine. But I babble.
More super-hippy lunches. Less corporate sub shop lunches...
BREAKFAST: 6:30am, conventional cornflakes with good milk, hunger 3/5
BREAKFAST #2: 9am, toasted onion bagel with conventional hummus, hunger 4/5
Betsy woke up early because she's going away to see her dad this weekend. After my dream, I kinda didn't want to go back to sleep. Got a lot of chores done, but they left me hungry before work.
AM SNACK: 10am, 24 oz still water
BP 11:45am: 121/88
Researching more accurate blood pressure monitoring. All seem to agree an arm cuff is more accuraqte than the wrist cuff I've been using...but this is also interesting (from the Mayo Clinic's site):
Your blood pressure at home is usually slightly lower than it is in a medical office, typically by a measurement of about five points. For instance, a reading at home of 135/85 millimeters of mercury (mm Hg) is about the same as 140/90 mm Hg at the doctor's office.LUNCH: 12:45pm, pork tonkatsu with curry and rice, miso soup, hunger 3/5
Not too hungry but Erikka was. This was so damn good. This Japanese noodle place has a line infront of it every day, mostly with Japanese people, and it's easy to taste why.
PM SNACK: 3pm, two apple danishes, hunger 3/5
OK, today is a weird eating day, hands down. Craved sugar, went downstairs hoping to get something healthy-ish. Chocolate stuff looked too intense, ordered an apple Danish. Being it's Friday, they're looking to unload stock and gave me two. Thinking, urg, I'll give one away. Ate the first one....surprisingly not very sweet, in a good way. Then the second one stood up, attacked my face and jumped down my throat....
Feeling very full but not sick, or sugar-jumpy....yet.
ADDENDA: It's 4pm, and I got a headache! Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me...
PM SNACK: 6:45pm, half a soapy beer
DINNER: 8pm, seitan satay, samosa, vegan jap chae, water, 1 cookie, hunger 2/5
From the danish binge to the beer, wasn't hungry, but it was Friday night out with T, so the food was more entertainment than nourishment. Wild Ginger was surprisingly good, if the Jap Chae was too spicey. Wandered to Wholefoods for dessert. I bought 2 cookies, while T bought 1...after eating one, it occurred to me why did I buy 2? One cookie always seemed like too little....but it was more than enough.
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment