One Small Step for a Pancake, One Giant Leap for Pancakekind

ADDENDA:
Looking forward to eating today. Brought in the raviolis in, tonight I'm on my own (doin' laundry, hrumph!) and gonna play with some pork medallions n' rice.

Before dinner, Betsy & I had a surprise drink with Ilsa, who works in the same building as B. Seems the new Ironchef challenge is to make dinner for 4 that has a) no animal product, b) no wheat or potatoes and c) still rocks the house. Hmmmm.

BREAKFAST: 7am, stack of good experimental pancakes, hunger 4/5
Got to bed before 11, woke up naturally around 6:30, took a shower and realized....hmmm, I feel hungry. Last night's dinner was great, but not the biggest portions. I already made myself pancakes this week, so to up the ante, I threw in a couple of teaspoons of cinnamon and a small splash of vanilla....whoa. I think I just made a small step for a pancake, one giant leap for pancakekind. Now if only I could add CHOCOLATEto it....and wrap it around a sausage....and put it on a stick....wait, I think that's been done...
AM WATERING: 9:45am, 24 oz still

BP 9:45am: 127/95

AM SNACK: 11:45am, superGerman bread with peanutbutter, hunger 4/5

LUNCH: 2:45pm, homemade ravioli with homemade sauce, hunger 2/5
Just had a staff meeting about future benefits, made me nauseous. Corporations are evil.

DINNER: 7pm, 2 pork medallions with brown jasmine rice with an experimental scallion/wine sauce, hunger 4/5
Feel crappy and a bit depressed. Cooking this actually made me feel a little better and in control. After lightly sauteing the pork, added wine & Worcestershire to the garlic, scallion and olive oil already in there. Came out nicely.

EVENING SNACK: 9pm, 3 fresh hot chocolate chip cookies, hunger 4/5
Needed 'em after this rough day. Celebrates the beginning of the weekend with my honey.

Raviolios

ADDENDA:
Making ravioli last night was a lot of fun. It's the same tedium of making pasta, but with an extra layer of tedium at the end! Ha, no, the stand-mixer attachment kind of cuts 45 minutes of arm-breaking tedium from the process, and shaping and hand-filling the dumplings in a form was actually quite satisfying. Like sausage, the contents of a ravioli has always had an air of mystery, and to have made it from scratch was a little bit of a revelation. To start with whole wheat flour, a stack of eggs, a pint of ricotta, a few stems of parsley and a block of parm and turn it into rather sexy little pillows of flavor. Look at Betsy's face, you KNOW that ravioli is sexy!

My mom would call them 'raviolios'. I imagine she would have an even grander name for these, perhaps 'ravioliolios'....

Looking forward to hitting the farmer's market hard this Saturday, it's been a while since I made a proper salad, and now I have this new set of skills I want to play with. And perhaps a zucchini may be in my future next week...

BREAKFAST: 7:30am, organic cherios with good milk, banana, hunger 3/5

AM WATERING: 9:30am, 24 oz still

BP: 9:45am, 129/91

LUNCH: 12:30, big plate of shrimp/veg/fish tempura, bowl of white rice, miso soup, hunger 4/5
Needed a break from the curry pork. Something tells me the salt level in this meal was high. Didn't taste salty, but heard a report on NPR this morning about some new survey of American sodium intake, how it's out of control, and how you can't actually taste the salt because of processing. Salty potato chips are comparatively low-salt compared something like a frozen TV dinner, due to this factor. More fuel to cook from home.

After lunch Erikka and I took a walk to the new M&M store off Times Square. Three floors of prime real estate dedicated to the consumption and celebration of shitty-ass chocolate by kids and their irresponsible guardians. Right outside the window is a huge billboard fill of almost-naked ladies advertising the 'Vivid' brand of hardcore pornography. God bless America!!

DINNER: 6:45pm, 1 small buttery nan bread, wonderful grilled/cured venison appetizer with a small unsweetened baked apple, small shot of pumpkin soup, nicely spiced curry shrimp over a bed of brown rice pilaf with odd/tasty threads of vegetable matter in it, peanutbutter custard with concord grape granita over a thin chocolate wafer in a small pool of fresh grape jelly, 2 small filled-chocolates, 1/4 glass of presecco, hunger 4/5
Took the wifey to nice dinner at Tabla. She had cheese for dessert, I was more interested in indulging in something sweet, as this was the time to get something above and beyond. However, I couldn't help wondering hmmmm....maybe a cheese course could be more satisfying than a childish sweet? (The name of my dessert was "Peanut Butter & Jelly".) It came served with small handful of yellow raisins and some nicely shaped toasty breads. Made me regret forgetting to eat the apple and cheese I brought to work.

Dr. Wildman, and his son, Chef Wildman

ADDENDA:
Last night's knife-skills class was a revelation. All very hands on, a good instructor. We cut vegetables of all stripe, and with some simple instruction found the whole thing to be wonderfully easy. First thing: get a sharpening device for my set of global knives. Second thing: totally rethink my salad this weekend, and consider squash & zuccinni in my stirfry & soup life. Third thing: peeling tomatoes is so easy!! Next spagetti sauce from scratch will be with farmer's market tomatoes when they are back in season.

Fourthly: I think I may want to go to chef's school. Of the 15-odd students in the class (again, me the only dude), he made several comments to me, the first was, "Have you done this before?" and said I was a natural and made it look easy (uhhh, it was easy.) Makes me want a bigger challenge. The Natural Gourmet Institute does have a program, but I don't know if I want to specialize in vegetarian/vegan cooking. I think I'll take one more hands-on class here then try one or two other schools in the New Year, to see if I really want to invest all that time and money in a degree I'll probably never earn back in a professional setting.

Forgot to pack any snacks today unfortunately, and realized because I have a social lunch tomorrow, Friday will be my only other lunch-from-home day this week. Three days a week to start next week, then.

Didn't have any sweets yesterday other than the banana and the apple, which I guess a month ago would of been a huge deal, now it feels....like I should eat like that more often. Was wound up from the class, slept well but only 6 hours and woke up hungry.

BREAKFAST: 7:30am, good pancakes from scratch, a jigger of seltzer, hunger 4/5
x

AM WATERING: 9:30am, 24 oz still

BP 9:30am: 129/89

LUNCH: 12:30pm, shrimp w/basil sauce and white rice, small salad slathered in peanut sauce, 2 tiny fried spring rolls, hunger 4/5
OK Thai food, would be interested to learn how to prepare something similar...

PM SNACK: 4pm, 3 potato samosa from Green Symphony, hunger 4/5
Slightly headachey, kinda jonesing for refined sugar. If I had an apple, it would knock that pang out. Feel in control, though. Looking forward to making ravioli from scratch for the first time tonight.

PM SNACK: 6:30pm, 3 pieces sesame tofu, hunger 4/5
Feeling peckish, dinner still needs to be made.

DINNER: 8:30pm, homemade cheese ravioli with homemade tomato sauce, hunger 4/5
Really good. Used the simplest recipe possible (ricotta, parm, egg, nutmeg, parsley, salt & pep) and it came through elegantly. Soft pillowy dumplings with just the right amount of chew. If I hadn't already made the sauce, I probably would of just used butter n' sage...

EVENING SNACK: 10pm, 1/2 serving of good yogurt with honey, vanilla, raw cashews, hunger 3/5
Really craving sugar, only desert I had in the house was frozen cookie dough. So I had this yogurt with an extra squirt of honey. Kind of a dessert, but less intense than a full on freak-out.

234 Pounds o' Fury!!

ADDENDA:
What hath thow raught? Ilsa has a blog!! Here!

Weighed myself this morning, almost forgot, but the scale was in the way (the weigh?) of me retrieving my cell phone. 234. Was wearing pants, and just ate breakfast, so it's probably closer to my standard 230. Not feeling very furious, but anything that is tagged with "o' Fury!!" sounds less blubbery.

Feel weird about the pint of soy icecream I snarfed last night. On one hand, I think I enjoyed and appreciated it more than I would of if it was a regular habit. On the other hand, my lust for it immediately following my substandard home meal was overpowering in a way. Ilsa's blog suggests brushing teeth to get the stomach-body-brain signals to shout "done!" to the lust impulses. May just try that.

BREAKFAST: 8am, organic chex with good milk, banana, hunger 3/5
Start the sweets off right.

AM WATERING: 9:30am, 24 oz still

BP 9:45am: 132/90

LUNCH: 12:30pm, homemade hummus, carrot sticks, cucumber slices, 2 slices normal wholewheat bread, 2 slices weird dense superGerman "bread", 3 pieces sesame tofu, hunger 4/5
Out of superhippy bread from the farmer's market, so I got this weird, dense block of bread-like material imported from Germany, full of whole grains, weirdly moist, and shelf-stable for months in the unopened wrapper.

Hummus was good, needs more cumin. Next batch is going to rock. Hard. My dad never had the secret weapon of the roasted garlic, damn I wish I could share that with him. I think he'd be impressed. After tasting it, he'd nod, and say something quietly, like, "Noah, that's pretty good. I wish I thought of that." A small grin was like a hug from him (though in later years I subjected him to more unasked-for hugs than I can count.)

PM SNACK: 4:15pm, apple & raw funki havarti, hunger 3/5
Apple was mushy, May have to run out and grab another snack, as I have a knife skills class 6:30-10 tonight.

PM SNACK: 5:15pm, lamb on pita, hunger 4/5
As I'm eating this, I'm thinking, "This is not going to help me lose weight, is it?"

PM SNACK: 7pmish, carrots sticks & inferior hummus, small handful of olives, lemony water, hunger 4/5
Snacks during class

DINNER: 9:30pm, yummy carrot soup, quinoa with orange supreme, white bean thingy, sauteed broccoli with mushrooms, roasted cubed potatoes, hunger 4/5
Dinner was made with all the veg that the students prepped in knife skills class, all vegan, the HVS would of been proud. Food was actually pretty good, but could of used some sort of protein for satiety's sake.

Back On It

ADDENDA:
Meant to weigh myself this morning but forgot. I tend to forget things I have no interest in/really don't want to do. Looking forward to getting back into healthier eating habits. Before it was new and a little struggling, now it's starting to be the new routine. Brought an apple & stinky cheese to work, not because I'm on a sugar fast, but because it's damn yummy...

BREAKFAST: 7:30am, good yogurt with honey & vanilla & raw nuts, hunger 2/5

AM WATERING: 9:15am, 24 oz still

BP: 9:30am, 130/93

LUNCH: 1pm, small pastrami sandwich with pea soup, slaw & pickles, water, hunger 4/5
Satisfying sit-down at Junior's around the corner on a rainy day. Reading the beginning chapter's of 'The Omivore's Delimma', oy, how corn is a vessel so we can all eat fossil fuel in many different foodstuffs, including the beef I just ate.

PM SNACK: 4:45, apple and funky-ass raw cheese, hunger 3/5
Funny how stinky cheese becomes yummy with a good apple.

DINNER: 7pm, shrimp in a wine sauce with mushrooms and onions, wild rice, almost a full pint of chocolate mint soy icecream, hunger 4/5
Made another pound of shrimp, threw in wine and veg and high-heat safflower oil into the wok. Definitely better than the last time, but still not....very good. I'm missing something or a step, may have to read a recipe. Cooked this weird black long-grain wild rice with low-sodium organic chicken broth, come out kinda crunchy and unappealing. So when I was finished with the meal, just felt unsatisfied, but I was glad there was no more gelato in the house....uh oh. I had soy icecream in the house, to feed the HVS at the last pizza-blowout. Well, I hadn't inhaled a pint of icecream in such a long time, so I did it. I ate it in front of the TV. The soy icecream itself wasn't so great, but the sitting, the leisurely eating of it, the wave of satisfaction, it was mmmmmm. Figured hey, I'm not a robot, this is an uncommon indulgence, and you better not make a habit of this or I'll have to dislocate my leg and kick my own ass....

Travel Day Home

BREAKFAST: 6:30am, half a bottle of seltzer, hunger 1/5

AM SNACK: 8:15am, 36 ingredient granola bar, handful of pirate booty, hunger 4/5
On the train home.

AM SNACK: 9am, horrible veggie burger, ridiculous cinnamon bun, bottle of seltzer, hunger 4/5
Amtrack sells a remarkable 'vegan' veggie burger, which has over 70 ingredients...

PM SNACK: 2pm, small cup of gelato, hunger 4/5
Good that it's homemade - it's comforting that I know whats in it, but it's not very good. I think I know how to make it better, though, though I'm not too anxious to have another big bucket of gelato in my fridge!

LUNCH: 3pm, Korean vegetable dumplings, hunger 4/5
Medium bowl from the bowels of the freezer.

PM SNACK: 4pm, small amount of air-popped popcorn, hunger 3/5
Betsy made some popcorn to go with the a DVD we watched.

DINNER: 7:30pm, spinach ravioli in a mushroom wine sauce, small amount of gelato, hunger 4/5
Was going to order in, but since we went shopping and I was cooking other things for the week anyway, it made sense to cook something up. Bought fresh ravioli and made a nice sauce using wine we had in the fridge, mushrooms, parsley, olive oil, garlic, a little salt and a little butter. B went nuts on the gelato, so there were only a few tablespoons left to finish.

PM SNACK: 9pm, small handful of carrot sticks with fresh hummus, hunger 3/5
Blended hummus, replaced the two cloves of raw garlic the recipe called for with an entire head of roasted garlic. Came out pretty good, unfortunately I didn't make a lot. My dad would literally make a couple of gallons and keep it in the freezer over 6 months. If Betsy doesn't scam it all, will try to smuggle out samples to the HVS and Ilsa.

Also cooked a big batch of basic tomato sauce, gonna attempt to make fresh ravioli later this week...

Floating On An Andover Saturday

BREAKFAST: 9:30am, slice of tofu pie, glass of seltzer, hunger 4/5
Hey, I'm on vacation, and if the choice is between a pie with exactly 10 organic ingredients (Crust (whole wheat flour, vegetable shortening, sea salt), chocolate (cocoa mass, sugar, lecithin), tofu, (soy beans, binder, water), cinnamon) or a granola bar with over 35, well, I can forgive myself.

AM SNACK: 11:30am, banana, hunger 4/5

PM SNACK: 12:30pm, another slice of tofu pie, hunger 4/5

LUNCH: 2:30pm, bread & butter, small green salad, stuffed baked scrod with baked potato, water, hunger 4/5

PM SNACK: 7:30pm, baked lays potato chips, 35-ingredient granola bar, hunger 4/5

DINNER: 9pm, Caesar salad, pizza with roasted garlic and mushrooms, hunger 4/5
Got pizza from a different Andover joint, not as greezy but not up to NYC snuff. Comfortable meal indoors.

According to the newspaper, I should be shopping right now.

ADDENDA:
Sleepy day in Andover with Betsy's family. Basically wake, eat, sleep, wake, eat, movie, eat, sleep.

In the evening, me and my mother-in-law took a walk in the moon-lit darkness down her road while her children pored over old correspondences. I remember after every Thanksgiving, one great pleasure would be for everyone to get out of the house and take a walk. A slow walk, appreciating the neighborhood, the weather, each other's company. Feel our full stomachs, feel content for our lack of needs.

BREAKFAST: 9:30am, 2 bialies, smoked salmon, temptee cream cheese, banana, seltzer, hunger 4/5

LUNCH: 3pm, bread & butter, small green salad, stuffed shrimp with baked potato, small amount of brownie & icecream, hunger 4/5
Last time I ate with B's family at Grassfields, had a very salty pilaf.

PM SNACK: 8pm, chocolate chip granola bar, hunger 4/5
I counted 35 ingredients, about half out of a chemistry set or a derivative of corn.

DINNER: 9pm, 2 small slices of over-cheesed crappy pizza, hunger 4/5

EVENING SNACK: 11pm, small slice of tofu pie, hunger 3/5
Nice late evening chow with momma-in-law.

Gobble Gobble, Yo

ADDENDA:
Thanksgiving in Andover, a suburb of Boston, this year is the first time in my life I've spent this holiday away from my hometown, NYC. Though I guess I should of saw it coming a million miles away, I'm missing my parents horribly today.

Different wings of the extended family took different holidays, and our wing was Thanksgiving. This was the only time of year my mom would 'cook', and by cook I mean coordinate. My dad would be responsible for the turkey and the salad, my mom would put the potatoes in the oven to bake, I would be responsible for the stuffing. My mom would make a big deal about how I 'made' the stuffing, but in reality it was from a box of Stouffers. I remember one year I suggested we actually stuff the turkey with it before cooking, I think the level of complexity it entailed was beyond the pale for my mom. My Brazilian uncle would bring really good homemade chocolate mouse, a trendy thing in the 70s. Aunts would bring booze and other pies. My mom could NOT go to sleep unless ALL the dishes were washed and set up to air-dry. The house (and in later years the apartment) was always full of people on Thanksgiving, and it was always a home-cooked meal. My mom would buy the turkey at least a week in advance, the table would be set at least 48 hours in advance, the nervous tension she had the day of, hours before anyone were to come and the entire home was scrubbed clean and there was just nothing left to do other than lie down and watch TV.

I look forward to the day of regularly hosting a holiday in my home with family and friends, with homemade food and days of preparation.

BREAKFAST: 7:30am, good yogurt with honey, vanilla, raw nuts, hunger 3/5

AM SNACK: 10:30am, veggie booty, liter of seltzer, hunger 4/5
Train to Boston.

AM SNACK: 11:30am, saltless whole wheat pretzels, hunger 4/5

PM SNACK: 12:30pm, bag of potato chips, hunger 4/5

PM SNACK: 3pm, toated chiabatta bread with bruchetta stuff, hunger 4/5

DINNER: 4pm, squash maple soup, grape sorbet, turkey medallions with apple cranberry stuffing, whipped potato croquet, steamed carrots, lots of bread & butter, pumpkin creme brulee, water, hunger 4/5
Formal dinner at the very white, WASPy New England Andover Inn.

EVENING SNACK: 7:30pm, popcorn, hunger 3/5
A Thankgiving evening movie out, a first for me.

Dessert-Fast Conclusion: My Foundation Assumptions are Questioned

ADDENDA:
Last night with Ilsa, we spoke of my dessert fast. I realized somethings as I was saying it: what I learned kinda bugged me.

I'm NOT addicted to sugar. It's NOT a physical thing. It's REALLY in my head.

My habits have been created by two things: my environment and my personal choices. As a fully developed non-impaired human, I have a degree of power over my environment and a GREAT deal of power over my choices. Abdicating my power to 'addiction' was a massive cop-out. This is something I always felt was a major character flaw of a very close friend....

On a rambling side-note, I have/had a friend who for the sake of anonymity we'll call Lillian. I've known Lill since we were 18 yrs old, and over the years she's suffered all sorts of trials and tribulations due to her ADHD, obsessive-compulsive disorder and a host of other things I can't fully recall. She has been on all sorts of medications over the years. She's had good years, she's had bad years.

Recently, partly due to her issues, partly due to the passing of time, partly due to the situations our lives have given us of late, she (from my perspective) had a record bad year lately. I'm actually concerned for her safety and well-being, and have come to the conclusion that our relationship actually threatens her health. Anyway, the reason I bring this up is that I was always under the impression that a lot of her issues stemmed from poor choices she made. A lot of the difficulties which she claimed were due to her illnesses seemed to be self-indulgences rather than symptoms. As she has gone from cute-crazy to crazy-crazy in recent months, I wonder if she really was crazy-crazy all these years, or did the habits that emerged from her self-indulgences (and justified by being 'crazy') actually lead her to this point? After being so certain of the later for so long, now I really don't know.

Why this talk of Lill? I guess because it comes to the point of addiction versus choice, being actually crazy verses choosing to be 'crazy' to get your way and indulge yourself. If I continue to choose to be addicted to my indulgences for sweets, I eventually (like my father before me) will get sick with diabetes and all that stuff.

Last night's chocolate consumption, a part of bar while I actively cooked with the rest, seemed positive - engaging my senses while I focused on the task at hand. But I indulged myself - I couldn't stand that there was some left over. If I didn't finish it, it would seem incomplete. Unfortunately, it was a big enough portion. eaten late enough, to keep me up past my bedtime. This defies common sense!! I didn't eat it because of addiction, I ate it because I was indulging myself, choosing not to express self-control. If I'm ever going to seriously lose a little weight and keep it off, these lines have to be exposed for what they are. Why didn't I just wrap up a left over portion and save it for a more convenient (non-sleep) time? Maybe now that I know the devil's face, I can recognize him before he fools me into committing self-harm...

BREAKFAST: 8am, good yogurt with honey, vanilla, raw nuts, small serving of fresh chocolate gelato, hunger 3/5
Put the custard into the icecream making device, and it came out incredibly thick, creamy, chocolatey. Once I scraped as much as I could into a container for the freezer, I tasted it....oof, that was a mistake. I immediately ran to B with the chocolatey spoon, who was not enthused to try something so brown n' chunky looking while preening in the bathroom. I gotta say, even though this was my first attempt and messed up on some of the ingredients, even though the total price came to maybe $15/pint, even though the prep time was more than 24 hours, it's STILL yummier than the best gelato I was eating before the dessert fast.

AM WATERING: 10:30am, 24 oz still

BP 10:45am: 135/89
Though high, I'm a little happy it is because I kind of felt that it would be - a lot on my mind, still feel the sugar of the morning in me, feeling the end of my sickness squeaking out.

LUNCH: 2pm, large bowl of veggie booty, apple, hunger 3/5

DINNER: 6pm, small salad, about one pizza's worth of random pizzas, 1 piece chocolate tofu pie, large serving chocolate gelato, 3 glasses of wine & presecco, hunger 4/5
Friends over for a parade of pizza, was fun but due to a cheap-ass pizza stone malfunction, could only do one pie at a time and spent too much time in the kitchen. Pizzas not as good as they could of been due to rushing through the rolling of the dough. Tofu pie was too dry and dense, and the gelato was not aerated enough, probably due to not enough yokes and putting it all the in the icecream making machine at once rather than doing it in batches. Next time will be much better.

Will today be a sugar-fast by default?

ADDENDA:
Forgot my apple n' cheese this morning, and am out of bananas. I wonder how my sugar-lust will go today. Didn't pack lunch as have social obligations for lunch.

BREAKFAST: 7am, toasted wholewheat bagel with a thin shmear of organic cream cheese, hunger 3/5
Spent the morning chopping salad to open the pizza-freakout tomorrow...

AM WATERING: 10am, 24 oz still

BP 10:45am: 128/83

LUNCH: 12:30pm, chicken tonkatsu with curry sauce over rice, hunger 4/5
Asked for pork, but it was a little dry, tasted a little plain, the meat was a little whiter than usual, and rather than homogeneously thick, got thicker at one end. I was half way through when I realized it wasn't pork! Didn't ask for a new dish because I ate so much already, felt silly.

PM WATERING: 2:30pm, 24 oz still

PM SNACK: 4:30pm, 2 potato samosas, small amount of pumpkin noodles, hunger 4/5
Hungry, don't want to be starving and obsessing about chocolate when I see Ilsa!

DINNER: 8pm, green salad, sauteed shrimp in parsley sauce over long grain brown jasmine rice, hunger 4/5
Good home cooked dinner, the shrimp came out a little too boiled instead of sauteed due to not clearing the ice off them before dumping in the wok. I gotta work on that.

EVENING SNACK: 9:30pm, 3 oz dark chocolate, hunger 3/5
Wasn't craving it, but I cooked the custard that is the basis of the chocolate gelato. Of the 7 oz bar, 4oz went into the recipe and rather then sticking my fingers in and sampling as I went along, I just ate the left over chocolate. Kept me up till 1am.

PCW (Pounds of Chocolate Per Week)

ADDENDA:
This dessert fast thing was kind of a weird shock to the system, and my minor illness at the end of it a small revelation. I sure feel healthier than I did since starting to consult with Ilsa and write this blog. Where do I go from here?

Do I want this to become a blog about discovering cooking, or a blog about losing weight and keeping it off? Does that have to be incompatible? Maybe I should work up some weekly stats about how many meals I made or prepared myself, and how many were eaten out? Fruit vs. dessert intake? Pounds of chocolate per week?

BREAKFAST: 7:30am, organic chex with good milk, banana, hunger 3/5

AM WATERING: 9:45am, 24 oz still

BP 10am: 133/102
Weird because of recent illness? First time I had a really high BP measurement at the docs was after an illness.

PM WATERING: Noon, 24 oz still

LUNCH: 12:15pm, veg Indian combo plate with rice, hunger 4/5
Spicy mouth, thought about getting dessert, as I CAN if I want to, but decided against it, got cheese n' apple with me. Probably get a meaty thing towards the end of the day to get me through the class tonight.

PM SNACK: 3:15pm, apple & onion edamer raw milk cheese, hunger 3/5

LUNCH #2: 4:30pm, lamb on pita, hunger 4/5

DINNER: 8:30pm, cup of bitter greens liquid, coleslaw with plum-mustard dressing, aduki squash stew, long grain brown rice with parsley garlic sauce, sauteed kale with mushrooms, 2 jelly almond torte cookies, hunger 4/5
Cooking class was a demonstration of preparation of all these vegan dishes, flashes of interest but mostly boring and silly. I don't need a demonstration how to cook rice (especially since I now own a rice cooker!) During the class, I was thinking of going out to get hot dogs & tater tots, an old favorite meal I haven't indulged in in quite a while. The first thing I tried was the liquid from the kale she was cooking. Very bitter, at first I was 'yuuuuk!' but then, I don't know, I just kind if LIKED it's differentness and drank the whole cup. The food was a bit dorky in a 70s vegan kind of way, but other than the stew (too much ginger), it was all quite delicious and I plan to make the parsley sauce for rice tonight....to compliment some PORK, yo!

I think I will experiment with the kale/escarole/spinach thing, sauteing with mushrooms n' stuff. The only concern I had about the food is she really did not go light on the salt. It was sea-salt, but still.

EVENING SNACK: 10:30pm, veggie booty, hunger 4/5
Something tells me this is a newly emerging habit that Ilsa will not be fond of.

Googling 'Dessert Fast' gets fast dessert recipes

ADDENDA:
Got a slightly fitful 9 hours of sleep, due to stuffy nose. Woke up groggy and headachey. My nose mucus is very yellowy, sign of my body fighting the good fight. May have to refrain from social obligations today, and refrain from cooking (don't want to get my sick into a week's worth of food!)

Today at around noon will be a full 7 days without desserts. Is this illness my body reacting to the change? Things over-all are going good with work, with B, with home, looking forward to going away with B for Thanksgiving, so I don't think it's depression or stress related as it may of been years ago. In the past, when I got sick, it was fast and overwhelming and would knock me out for 4-5 days solidly. This feels different, like my body is stronger in fighting it. I believe I may be OK tomorrow (knock on wood.)

Yesterday I bought a 2nd pizza stone, a sieve, a sifter and a garlic-roasting thingy. Wednesday is going to be another full-on pizza freakout with a few friends...

BREAKFAST: 8:30am, good yogurt with honey, vanilla and raw cashews, hunger 3/5

AM DRUGGING: 9am, 2 extra strength tylenol, 1 500mg vitamin C (rosehips)
This is on top of my daily dirtpill...

AM SNACK: 10:30am, 1 slice of toasted superhuppy bread with good peanut butter, hunger 4/5

LUNCH: 12:30pm, 12 boiled mixed perogies with onion, hunger 4/5
This is the meal I usually desire after being sick for a while. This illness is different - my appetite and, uhhh, output, is not being affected, but I'm definitely stuffy headed.

PM SNACK: 4pm, small amount of chocolate tofu pie batter, hunger 3/5
This is the definition of fun. Watched a movie for a couple of hours on the couch, felt a little better, restless. Don't want to make sick food, but baking will kill the germs, right? So I made a couple of tofu pies for this coming Wednesday, but for the first time I made crust from scratch. I really didn't know what I was doing, but I was giggling like an insane person as I did it, watching things come out kinda weird and wrong. I wish I had a mother or grandmother who could of taught me the so-called 'women's work' of old - making pie crust from scratch is a lot trickier than it looks, as shortening is very temperamental!

As I did with my mom as a kid when we made Betty Crocker brownies as a kid (ummmm, fudgy!), I licked the mixer jug after everything was in the oven. I guess this is how a dessert fast ends, eating chocolaty mess spread over my hands and face over a warm oven like I was a kid enjoying spending time with mom.

DINNER: 8:45pm, singapore rice noodles & pork, half a shrimp summer roll, hunger 4.5/5
Got out of the house and saw a movie with Danny, felt much better for it. Dinner at cheap Vietnamese place with huge portions. No desire for dessert.

EVENING SNACK: 11:30pm, bowl of veggie booty, hunger 3/5
Slight case of insomnia. Go to bed around 1.

Dessert-Fast, Day 6 (Or: How does a dessert-fast die?)

ADDENDA:
After the farmer's market, set out to Coney Island on road bike, but by the time I got to Prospect Park, I was just chilled to the core so set back home for a total of 15 miles.

B has a family birthday brunch thing, we're bringing....the good donuts. Oh, how does a dessert-fast die?! Like this, my friends, like this.....

BREAKFAST: 7am, whole wheat bagel with good butter, hunger 3/5

LUNCH #1: 11am, reheated plate of fresh pasta with a little sauce, hunger 4/5
Could really go for a dessert. Will hold off.

PM SNACK: 1pm, slice of pizza, hunger 4/5
From the local.

PM SNACK: 1:45pm, banana, hunger 4/5
Headache. Could it be sugar-related?

PM SNACK: 2:30pm, 3 saltless whole wheat pretzels, hunger 4/5
Still headachey. Must just be a little just plain sick.

DINNER: 6:30pm, bread, veg bruschetta, interesting sampling of funky & nonfunky cheeses, a little salami, polenta-like dumplings with mushrooms and melted cheese, 1 glass prosecco, water, hunger 4/5
Dinner at a shmancy Italian place. Felt tired and fuzzy headed throughout with B and her friends, not my finest hour. Really enjoyed the different flavors of the cheeses, some stinky and soft, some mild and hard, but cut nicely with the sweetness of the prosecco. Some dessert was passed around and shared by most, but I was so not interested. (and it wasn't chocolate anyway!)

Dessert-Fast, Day 5 (Or: It may be all in my head)

ADDENDA:
So here is day 5, and I'm fine. As I pedalled to work this morning, feeling my body wake up to a brisk (but mellow) effort, I realized my physical state was fine all week. Cutting out my daily dessert was more of a challenge to my sense of entitlement than any sort of physical addiction, though I sense a bit of that too. That said, I think I will go for the Ilsa-recommended 7 days....if my sense of entitlement is anything, it's strongest on the weekends when I'm off and trying to relax.

BREAKFAST: 7:45am, good pancakes and good non-nitrate bacon from the farmers market, a banana, hunger 3.5/5
Didn't feel like waiting for the weekend. Gonna try to take it easy this weekend, as Thanksgiving will be upon us soon.

AM WATERING: 9:45am, 24 oz still
I like how carbonated water has become a treat that makes it special at home.

BP 10am: 122/85

LUNCH: 1:15pm, shrimp curry with daal and jasmine white rice, small piece of naan, a few lentil crackers, water, hunger 4/5
OK food, good company.

PM DRUGGING: 4pm, 2 extra strength tylenol, hunger 1/5
Have a headache that has been brewing slowly all day, nose is stuffy, not hungry for the apple n' cheese I brought to work at all...

PM SNACK: 5:30pm, apple & one small piece of cheese, hunger 3/5
Didn't want to feel desperate for dinner later.

DINNER: 7:30pm, steak au poive w/ fries and salad, shrimp cocktail, water, hunger 4/5
B & I went to a nice French bistro in the 'hood. Indulged in the previously forbidden fries because I felt the need to reward myself for being dessert-free for 5 days. Fries were just OK, nothing special. About 3/4 of the way through the meal, I started looking forward to dessert before I remembered, oh, I'm not having dessert. The dessert menu looked good, too!

Dessert-Fast, Day 4 (Or: Whoever Invented Chocolate is a Friggin' Genius)

ADDENDA:
Last night I swung by the market to restock on apples and bananas. I also picked up a very expensive bag of organic, raw, de-shelled cocoa beans. This morning me and B tried them. Neither of us were able to keep it in our mouths for more than 10-15 seconds before spitting them out. It definitely had a lot of layers of taste to it. A prominent note in the background was definitely the dark chocolate flavor I know and love. But the foreground was this massive, loud bitter explosion which is like two calloused hands gripping your jaw and upper lip and pulling them as far apart as possible, in hopes of making you spit it out.

Some South American dude thousands of years ago was sitting around chewing on these things, probably spitting them out but thinking, hmmm, that flavor in the back of my mouth, that's kind of nice. Maybe if I grind it up, add some sweetener to mellow the bitter, and add some milk to smooth out the mouth feel, I just might have something.....and his name....Irving P. Chocolateberg.

Ilsa asked for a full 7 day sweet fast, I've been telling myself 5 days. It's not over yet, but I remember when I kicked a caffeine addiction in my 20s, the first 3 days were the worst. Maybe I will go for 7 days. I do know I'm not going to break it with a donut from Donut Plant - I want to break it with something I made. I think I need to make chocolate gelato...

BREAKFAST: 7:30am, organic cornflakes with good milk, banana, hunger 3/5
Noticed the cornflakes are sweetened with 'concentrated grape juice'. I guess that's a step up from high-fructose corn syrup, and the total amount per serving is 3g (as opposed to 24g of straight carbs) but still - juicing a fruit then concentrating it sounds like refined sugar to me. I feel like I may of cheated? I guess I'll let Ilsa be the referee in this call.

AM WATERING: 10am, 24 oz still
Got to work late due to rain, then rushed into meetings. Will take BP later today.

LUNCH: 12:30pm, super hippy peanut butter sammich, large green salad with organic ranch dressing, hunger 4/5
The new WF-brand organic ranch dressing is a bit too vinegary for my taste. I really need to find/make a dressing I like.

BP 2:30pm: 139/85
Have a slight headache, and had to remove a lot of clothing to get a reading without an error.

PM SNACK: 3pm, funky-ass raw milk cheese and a tart, crisp apple, hunger 4/5
This snack made my headache go away. I picked up 2 random apples at WF yesterday, both conventional but locally grown. My first thought in biting into it was, "Mamajama!!" which gave me pause, as that is something I would never actually say. It was crisp and tart and thoroughly wonderful. The cheese I picked up last night, a weird Swiss I never heard of, was a bit like moldy old sneakers, but an incredible flavor when cut with the apple.

Ew, I just smelled my fingers, they smell like there were somewhere REALLY unspeakable...

PM SNACK: 5pm, 1 sesame pretzel stick, 2 potato samosa & a little cucumber dill salad, hunger 4/5
Making fresh pasta tonight, which takes time, don't want to be starving when I get home. Got an extra samosa for the Hungry Vegan Society, who recently has been commanded off her sympathy sugar fast by Ilsa. In protest, I ate one of the HVS's salty pretzel sticks. Between the writer's strike and the stagehand strike picketing outside my offices, maybe we should start a dessert strike? I keed, I keed...

DINNER: 8:30pm, large bowl of fresh homemade whole wheat pasta with homemade sauce with grated parm and cubed buffala moz, 2 pickles, water, hunger 4/5
Experimented with a 'hard white' whole wheat flour, the pasta came out good - not too wholewheaty tasting. Noticed the organic eggs I'm using are 'rich in Omega 3' - in the class I took, the lecturer took some time to explain anti-oxidants and the significance of Omega 3 vs Omega 6 fatty acids in cancer research. I still don't quite get it, but I do know Omega 3 is (supposedly) good. I'm sure at some point research will contradict it.

PM SNACK: 10:30pm, 2 slices Patsy's pizza with pepperoni, glass of wine, hunger 4/5
My house guest cousin rolled in late, then shortly after Betsy showed up bearing much pizza. I was kinda hungry/craving sugar while Iddo ate his pasta and I sipped a glass of red wine (which did seem to curb my sugar lust), then B showed up with a box o' 'za, and it was all over.

Dessert-Fast, Day 3 (Or: An Apple a Day Keeps the Sugar Lust at Bay)

ADDENDA:
Brought an apple and the remainder of raw edamer for a snack, though it's not officially a bring-your-lunch-to-work day, it's just too yummy. The refined sugar fast is going fine, though I think of the white bread bun I ate with my burger last night - isn't refined flour very close to refined sugar? I guess I really shouldn't over think these conundrums until after this fast and see what I'm feeling.

Tonight I'm having dinner with Yana, and we traditionally very much appreciate desserts when we're together. I guess the social part of this fast will be the least comfortable...

BREAKFAST: 7:15am, good yogurt with raw cashews, vanilla and dash of local honey, hunger 3/5
Felt good this morning. Sometimes I feel icky after eating a burger the night before. I think my GI tract is just stronger and healthier.

AM SNACK: 9:15am, banana, hunger 3/5
Almost forgot. Not desiring fruit or sugar, but like with a long bike ride, preventative measures go a hell of a long way.

AM WATERING: 9:45am, 24 oz still

BP 10:30am: 125/83
Boo ya!!

LUNCH: 1:15pm, Ethiopian vegetarian combo + one small beef sambosa, hunger 4/5
Rode bike over to Meskerem on 47h, really good. Never had their version of a samosa, was really good n' small. Third day in a row I've desired chopped beef. Huh. I wonder if that means something.

PM WATERING: 2:30pm, 24 oz still

PM SNACK: 5pm, apple & edamer, hunger 3.5/5
Was I hungry? Was I craving sugar? Not sure, but this resolved it. Apple was a bit mushier than I like, but the cheese helped me through it.

DINNER: 7:30pm, plate o' sushi, shrimp tempura appetizer, water, herbal tea, hunger 4/5
Hung out at Yana's house, no desert on offer, thankfully.

EVENING SNACK: 11pm, half a bag of veggie booty, hunger 4/5
Just hungry. A small amount of chocolate or a cookie would quiet me, but thinking about it, not really craving sugar, just something to munch on and take the edge off. The veggie booty is mostly empty-ish carb calories, but no sugar. First time it really tasted salty to me, and indeed I ate around 500mg of salt. Eesh.

Dessert-Fast, Day 2 (Or: Cheesy Apple!!)

ADDENDA:
So had the first of two "cooking" classes at the Natural Gourmet Institute last night. Unfortunately, it was a 3.5 hour lecture on the basics of how to eat healthy - pretty much everything I've been reading about in various books for the past few years. Still, there were a few things that were good to hear again - like how easy it is to over-buy at the farmers market then let it sit all week at home till it becomes inedible or much less nutritious. So when I got home last night after 10, I set up a bunch of fingerlings with mushroom, onion and dried tofu to bake on a timer while I slept.

She did mention controlling the effects of food on bloodsugar (from where all sugar-lust comes) and how she has a weakness for dark chocolate (snooort!). She mentioned how cocoa-nibs are an excellent snack - hmmmm.....I can have a refined sugar-fast AND eat chocolate?! I think I need to go and investigate ASAP.

So far so good. No sugar-lust yesterday, undoubtedly satiated by the fruit. Kinda looking at this like it's a 100-mile bike ride. Once you've started, no point in worrying if your up to it or not. The first half should be easy. And be aware of what your feeling at all times, as a little pain now will be a huge friggin' deal-breaker a few miles down the line.

BREAKFAST: 8am, toasted sesame bagel with cream cheese and gravelox, seltzer, banana, hunger 3/5

AM WATERING: 9:45, 24 oz still

BP 10am: 126/88

PM SNACK: 12:30pm, apple and a few small pieces of raw edamer cheese, hunger 4/5
Oh my. Oh oh my. -arm flap-. I think this is a breakthrough. Oh oh oh my. I refrigerated the apple, and it was much more crisp (why does B like them at room temp?) and delicious. After that, I immediately ate some small slices of raw-milk edamer cheese I picked up at the farmers market. Wow, I never quite appreciated cheese like I'm feelin' on this. And the combo with the apple....next time I will eat them together, bite for bite.

LUNCH: 1:30pm, roasted potatoes with mushroom, onion and tofu, green salad with carrot dressing, hunger 4/5
Potatoes were just eh today, too much oil and too much lemon juice. However, as an experiment I put in whole cloves of garlic and they came out all creamy and nicely garlicky.

PM SNACK: 4:45pm, 2 samosas and a little brown rice with veg curry, hunger 4/5
Felt hungry ever since lunch, but not in a sugar-lust way.

DINNER: 6:30pm, bacon cheese burger and onion rings, water, hunger 4/5
Quick dinner at an indie fast food spot before a show at BAM with sympathetic refined-sugar faster the Hungry Vegan Society. Not a huge fan of burgers or suspicious chopped meat, but if I am to live in this world, once in a blue moon is not gonna kill me.

Dessert-Fast, Day 1 (Or: Ain't Got No Chocolove for Ya, Son)

ADDENDA:
Found half a "Chocolove" bar in my bag this morning, nestled with the apple I packed this morning for a sugar-fix this afternoon. Due to a sympathy sugar-fast from the Hungry Vegan Society, the chocolate as been donated to the tens of Hungry Designers in the office.

Tonight is the first of two basic cooking classes I'm taking. I hope irony doesn't bite me in the ass and have us cook up chocolate bars or something...

BREAKFAST: 7:30am, good yogurt with raw nits, honey and vanilla, 3/4 of a banana, hunger 3/5

AM WATERING: 9:15am, 24 oz still

BP 9:45am: 137/84
Took it after working for 30 minutes, it's an intense Monday morning. Maybe a little dehydrated?

PM SNACK: 12:30pm, apple, hunger 4/5
Meetings preventing me from going to get food, this is all I had with me. Not as crisp I hoped.

PM SNACK: 1pm, 8 sesame pretzels, hunger 4/5
Meeting food, too salty. My Chocolove bar was sitting on the meeting table, waiting for someone to adopt it.

LUNCH: 2:30pm, steamed pork dumplings, singapore mei fun (with the eggs picked out), water, hunger 4/5
Skipped the tea, as it's caffeine. Almost instinctively ingested the fortune cookie, but caught myself.

PM SNACK: 5:30pm, bag of crappy 'cheddar' potato chips, hunger 4/5
If I'm about to take a 3 hour cooking class, I gotta eat something. Very limited options close by.

PM SNACK: 6:30pm, carrot sticks, olives, hummus, wassa crackers, hunger 4/5
Think they'd have fancier snack at a cooking school...

DINNER: 10pm, falafel platter, beef empanada, hunger 4/5
After 3.5 hours of talking about food and cooking and health, the last thing I felt like doing was cooking. Falafel platter wasn't enough, so I went across the street and got an empanada. NYC is great!

Bagels and Donuts and Pickles and Fish, oh my!

ADDENDA:
Spent the morning at various L.E.S. emporiums, picking up the various fresh supplies to make a good brunch. Wish my parents were around, they loved this stuff. Except maybe the donuts, they'd think that was too decadent - they were of the generation where decadence was a bad thing, he he.

BREAKFAST: 7am, organic whole-grain cheerio-like cereal with good milk, hunger 3/5

BRUNCH: 11:30am, 2 pickles, bagel with sable and sturgeon and onion and tomato, slice of gravlox and Scottish salmon, 1.5 donut planet donuts, 2 farmers market cider donuts, 1 glass champagne, bottle of seltzer

DINNER: 5:30pm, bread & butter, mushroom spatzel, scallops over a chirizo ragu, 1/2 a beer, water, hunger 3/5

PM SNACK: 8pm, 2 bacon-wrapped dates, hunger 3/5
Disappointing snacks at the Corduroy Club annual meeting. Was expecting more corduroy-like foods. Only after eating them realized that the dates may of had refined sugar in them. Fine way to start a sugar-fast...